A meditation and some radom thoughts.

Of all the things that Jesus did, some of which I very well know what they mean and their importance, and most that I do not know but I try trust and have good feelings about that they are rich in treasure if I could only mine them... of all these but his moments in the garden naggingly perplexed me.

A key, to understand Jesus, is to always concentrate on his humanity. It is there, in shared humanity, that we can most know Jesus. So let us ignore his divinity for a time and concentrate upon his humanity. I am sure this is what Paul means when he says "I want to know Christ, and know him crucified."

Often times, when not understanding something as some reason why Jesus said or did something which seems unusual… we dismiss the conflict with the gloss fact that he was - the Son of God and divine. This offers us a justification that it is something that we cannot reach or expect to understand. But the fact is that everything about Jesus - we can - understand because (excepting the transfiguration) his divinity never interfered with his humanity. Totally human so that we might know him fully.

Throughout his life as it progressed to the crucifixion… Jesus displays for us his willingness, even strong desire… to accomplish what was waiting for him. If he could open the disciples minds after the resurrection as to how scriptures (Moses and all the Prophets) had spoke in figurative ways of the things that had to have befallen him. . . then there is no doubt that Jesus himself, long before the crucifixion, knew full well that route which would culminate his human life upon the cross. ("For this - I was born.")

With his own disciples, as the time grew nearer, Jesus patiently explained over and over several details of what would happen to him (Math 24. He did not explain these with a purpose that it could be avoided, nor did he explain in a way that would fortify the disciples before the events took place. Rather he explained in a way by which the disciples could later, after the crucifixion and resurrection, could know that Jesus had full well told them about it before hand - proof by discovery that Providence had been working even while they were unaware. You see, the disciples needed to lose all faith and hope in the false idea of a Jesus the messiah that each had built up in themselves. The same earthly messiah that Chaiphas need to put a stop to. He was not an earthly king who would lead a political revolt and restore Israel to the world prestige of the days of David. That - had to die - along with Jesus - within the disciples. A huge obstacle between God and any man, is that man’s own idea of what God is. Before God can enter - as he is - God must first remove - what he is not.

We have specific proof that Jesus longed for this ‘coming’ that would begin with his arrest, trial, and end with his death turn into his resurrection. He longed for his moments to cooperate with God in the salvation act. He looked forward to it so much that at times of frustration with the disciples he would say “How long - must I put up with you?” indicating that the three years of teaching were not the most important thing about his coming - but rather the ‘coming’ itself which took place within the crucifixion-resurrection.

But if we look at him in the garden… for the only time within scriptures we seem to find him - afraid. I hesitate to use the word ‘terrified’ because that has connotation of being wildly out of control. Out of control Jesus was not while racked with fear he was - for a time in the garden.

There has been 100 documented cases of a bloody sweat. It is evidence of extreme fear. There is a medical name for it which I have forgotten. In all cases it begins around the skin of the face when the capillaries beneath the skin - rupture - and as the accompany sweat seeps from the pores of the skin - so does the blood with it. The sweat can be pinkish or darker red depending upon the amount of blood. The sweat being signs of great physical exertion. In one case a woman was terrified, fearing rape, and she broke into a blood sweat. In another a sailor was so terrified that the ship he was on would come to sink, that he broke into a blood sweat around his face. In both these cases, while the fears were not fully justified… we can see the human condition of great, overwhelming, human fear. An inner clash, a battle so massive within the spirit that it overflows into the body.

Most of us do not really - fear - death. We dread the thought of it. If history was judged rightly, most humans die in a relatively peaceful way. In the years of total humanity I would dare say, that all tolled - violent human death in the way of wars and gruesome violence - only happens to a few. Millions and perhaps billions that they are - they still only account for the lesser portion of the entire humanity which greater portion dies from old age, accidents and sickness.

Each of us can think of our own death - right now, and total fear does not grip us. Why? One reason is that we do not have the details of it. It seems far off. We know not how, nor when, it will happen and we trust and hope that when it comes - it will be quick and merciful so that our minds need not linger in any type of agony. We often think it merciful if someone who dies violently dies quickly or does not know “what hit them”. It seems much more of a suffering to us if the person has the time to be cognitively aware - this is frightening.

Agony - a funny word. It means to be totally aware of ones pain while it is happening.

Surely, Christ’s time in the garden can be described as - agony - for, as we have just said, we can know for certain that in a human way - Jesus was fully aware of what was less than a hour away from beginning. We can also say that Jesus was divinely aware, not only humanly aware, and our rejection of God was further sorry for him, but we have no way to relate to that type of knowledge. We are human - we can only understand what is human. What Jesus certainly displays - that we as fellow humans CAN relate to - is that at least through scriptures which are salted with the details of the crucifixion and suffering which was about to begin - Jesus knew the details well.

Archbishop Sheen tells us (give credit where credit is due) that man is the only animal which can fully re-live entirely - his pain - making it present - again - and that in the garden Jesus reach back to the first man and drew down upon himself all the pain and suffering of all men since Adam. The death of Abel, the sin of Cain, the full weight of Sodom and Gomorrah... and he reached into the future and drew down upon himself the sins of Hitler, Stalin, you, and I. Things too unspeakable for the sunlight - thinkgs only accomlished in the dark. And like Samson between the pillar, he drew these two down upon himself. Certainly there is something real to this and it is not just poetic... for in this hour Jesus was very humanly aware that what he was about to do - he would do for all humanity.

Imagine if you were going to die in some way. If you did not know, really and deeply know, what would happen in mind and body during the time of death. If you did not know, than, you could face it because you really lacked knowing about it. It is the great - unknown. Perhaps less than ‘face it’ you could hope to endure it because of your ignorance of it and your hope in other things. Now, imagine that someone came, in advance, and sat with you and fully explained every gruesome detail of ever minute that you would encounter during the long hours of your death. Imagine knowing fully, before hand, what every minute of dying from cancer, or a car acident in which you lingered would be like. Imagine a full description of how you would finally, struggle to breath. Imagine knowing fully, of your own heart beginning to skip beats. Imagine being fully informed of how your body would battle, all over, for life - only to finally lose - and you would be totally aware at all times. If you CAN imagine that - then you can know what and how the body - fears. The spirit may be willing (as it has no choice) but the body has a mind of its own and it is programmed for - survival - continuation of the organism. This - cannot be ‘shut off‘.

In the garden, Jesus prays, as his human nature goes into great fear - knowing - the details of what is about to happen. His prayer (“Let this cup pass from me.”) has always seemed to me to be asking his Father to - skip - the crucifixion. “But not my will, but Thy will be done.” Is Jesus saying “Can we skip this part? But if YOU think it MUST be done than - then - OK.” ??

Christian commentators, over the centuries, have always reminded us that Jesus added “But thy will be done.” after asking that the cup of suffering and crucifixion pass him by. And they emphasis that even though Jesus prayed that he be spared from the crucifixion and suffering - Jesus submitted his will to the Father and went ahead and endured it because the Father willed it. And it is given as an example of how we should pray also. We can ask God to change things - but we should be willing to accept whatever God thinks is better for us even if that requires some suffering. It is hard for me to imagine that for this one hour in the garden - even under such unimaginable fear and psychological and emotional stress - that Jesus wanted to ’call it all off’.

Something - is missing.

We are not understanding - something.

Mel Gibson is right, in his movie, that Jesus probably prayed from the psalms in these moments. We know for a fact that Jesus spoke the 22nd psalm which begins: “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?“ while upon the cross - and we must read that psalm as if Jesus actually did speak the entire psalms while on the cross - because that is the intention of the gospel writers. Indeed the original Jewish name of the compilation of Psalms is “The Oracles of God” and as such make claim to be record of God himself speaking. So the gospel writers themselves wish to let us know the very interior prayer of Jesus while on the cross. A ‘window’ into the suffering of his human mind as well as his body.

And beneath the Cross we hear it said “He is calling Elijah - let us see if he comes to rescue him.“ in reality Jesus had called Eloi (God his father) but the one who spoke changed it to Elijah the prophet in order to turn it from the call of a son to his father.

Some of us are familiar with the parallels between Psalm 22 and the actual events of the crucifixion of Christ . . . Yet this psalm also continues with lines of pleading: “Deliver me from the sword, deliver my forlorn life from the teeth of dogs. Save me from the lion’s mouth..” and we must think too that these words were in the heart of Jesus.

So it is that, twice, during these hours - Jesus prayed for ‘rescue’.
Rescue from the cross?? Let this cup pass from me??

Let us now return to the garden and the prayer “Let this cup pass from me.”

This line has most often been thought to apply as if Jesus is asking that this suffering, during the crucifixion, might pass him by. That he might - skip it - if his father would allow that. And this interpretation comes from a connection in scriptures with the symbol of the wine “cup”, full of God’s wrath, being poured out on the ground. But the wine “cup” in scriptures has also been used as a wine cup - full to the brim - of lovers wine (Song of Songs). And it has been used as a symbol of - a wedding - and the intimate love between two betrothed.

Are we sure - that we have the right “cup”? Is it really the “cup of wrath” that Jesus would like to ‘pass’? Is it - really - that God his father preferred at this one time - NOT to grant the request of his son for rescue from the suffering and cross??

There is one more use of “cup” in the scriptures - and it is also connected with all other uses of the symbol of “cup of wine”. It is used first within the narration of Noah, when Noah becomes intoxicated with wine and passes out in a drunken stupor. It is - intoxication. The swirl of the mind and the disorientating disassociation with the body.

The symbol of the cup of wine between lovers is a mild intoxication which relaxes a bit - normal inhibitions and stress. Within the prophets - the wine is ‘the blood of grapes‘ and is uses as a symbol of disorientating intoxicification … God often tells through the prophets that he will make his enemies ‘drunk with wine’ as a punishment for their sins. It is clear here that this cup of wine is that which disrupts the integrity of mind and body so as to act without good reasoning, to be without wisdom, to be swayed by emotions, to be fogged in conscience. And removed from clear reality.

The “cup” of wine here (just mentioned) is then used symbolically because of its disorienting effects. A agent with severs the usual unity between mind and body. An effect, which when light and in certain uses is pleasant, and in other circumstances - is disorientating - makes one ill - drops one into depression and unable to tell what is really going on about ones self - incapable of proper reason and response. Something which fogs the conscience. It is something which is a - separating force - between the seat of the conscience and the mind-body.

NOW - we are closer to what is happening in the garden!

Jesus’ human mind and body are experiencing great fear. The emotional and biological body reposes are actually - hemorrhaging - under such huge stress. Everything associated with his human nature is pumping and screaming “Fight - or flight!” and a huge battle is taking place - WITHIN - his human nature. His body, his emotions, his human psychology - are all pulled to the breaking point… and within less than an hour - he shall be arrested, tried, scoured until he hardly resembles a human - and then be forced marched with his cross to the hill top.

Here ! Then - is the ‘cup’ which Jesus, in the throws of - inquires if his father wills it to pass. This intoxication that which obsures conscience.

Jesus does not ask if his father would make it pass out of his own panic to have it pass - Jesus is uncertain if his father wills it to pass or not, and that is his inquiry. And if the father does will that it pass - them let the sing of that be its passing. It is what St. John of the Cross calls the Dark Night of the Spiritual part of man (his mind, his intellect)where the presence of God is obscured to the mind.

The words mean “If it is already your will that this cup pass - let it pass.” Jesus, who was always well aware of his father’s will - is - in these moments of humanity - separated from knowing his father’s will because of this great agony that is upon him. Perhaps it is better to say that the agony is upon him because of the lack of expeeincing the presence of God his father. This - torrent of emotions that shakes his human mind and body.

“Our battle is in spiritual places” Saint Paul tells us that our major battle field taks place in the spirit - in the mind and heart - against what attacks mind and spirit. It takes place, not in or on the physical world (that is but a shadow) but within our own hearts and minds. It is a battle (when it erupts into battle) of being able to know the promptings of conscience in clarity so that one may act - which is best known when the soul is in peace - and the inherent chaos and strong emotions of our animal like drive to survive obscuring our conscience. It is a fitting image of effects similar to the disorientation of intoxification.

Jesus did not pray that the crucifixion be put on hold. It was the temptation, the human panic, fear, uncertainly, clashing emotions, the disabling of reason and inability to clearly know ones own conscience - which Jesus prayed would pass, be rescued from, so that he might act entirely from his conscience during the coming hours.

In this, we have cause to think - that our prayers should not so much be asking God to change external circumstances that appear to threaten out peace - but rather for God to restore our peace so that we might act from our knowing of conscience under all circumstances. It is not what enters a man - but what comes out of a man.

Temptation then (“Pray - that you do not fall into temptation.”) is that internal chaos, disorientation from conscience, emotions of panic and fear, instinctive and pressured demands of our human nature. It is a true - intoxification - which we must refuse to act by . St. Paul said “I do what I do not want to do.” and the cause is that there is a “Law of the spirit (mind) which leads to Christ” and a “Law of the members (body) which leads to death.” This Law, this ‘the way it works’, this Law of the mind is when the mind clearly sees the conscience and follows the promptings of conscience. The mind is in-formed by conscience and the conscience is in-formed by God.

In the ‘whole’ person this in-forming chain is un-interrupted in its governing.

God -> Conscience -> mind -> body.

With fallen nature this chain of in-forming is reversed.

God <- conscience <- mind <- body

The governing of the kingdom comes from the lower nature of the animal body and the drives of animal nature rule within the conscience. Satan the deceiver - has entered - heaven.

Understood in this way - “Let this cup pass from me” is the same thing as saying “Bring me not into temptation.” and “Thy will be done” is the same as acting out of good conscience. To this end, prayer time is less a time of mental chatter than it is a time in which we sit and be with - conscience - so that conscience forms us. Like a fire which warms all who sit near it - conscience makes its impression upon us without any intellectual effort on our part… all we need do is - sit near it often - and remove any obstacles between it and us.

As always, this is just my personal opinion and meditation, for your consideration, of which I do not necessarily live well myself.

-ray

One further note...

Upon telling my wife of what I had written here last night, she echoed…
"then THIS cup of intoxification represents impaired judgment, cause by passions and emotions of our human nature?"

And I said …
"Yes.... that is a better way to put it... for the first time in his three public years Jesus was uncertain of the father's will. "I always do my fathers will" but at this moment in the garden it is "If it be your will that this cup pass. . . then give me the sign of your will by having this cup pass." so that Jesus be without impairied jusgement through his conscience - in the hours to come.

Again, I say that Jesus prayer of "Let this cup pass from me..." refers to the great state of disorientation and impaired judgment which, by nessesity, accompanies being under such a battle with fear - such a battle as to sweat blood.

The rescue Jesus asked for, was not a change in external circumstances, but a change in the depths of his own human soul. The rescue he sought was for God to ‘arise’ within - restoring internal peace by which Jesus could make his judgments on how to act and respond during the hours to come. A means of judgment based entirely and solely upon his own conscience. It is a prayer that he might act entirely from his conscience and by that - he is certain he was doing God’s will at any moment.

The prayer “Let this cup pass..” is equal to “Lead us not into temptation.” and the evil to be delivered from is the - NOT being able to make judgments by one's own conscience.

Obviously, it WAS (and is) the Father’s will - because “an angle of the Lord appeared to comfort him” and the agony, anxiety, and anguish which had threatened his human judgement - passed - and may I remind us of the words of the Catholic Mass “that we may wait without anxiety”.

Anxiety, the great 'temptor' of the 21st century.

Conscience, from the Latin 'con' meaning together, and science meaning to-know, To-know-together.

For the next hours Jesus was in control of his mind and body and able to will it to endure the punishment - and make it to his goal (the cross) wihtout dying on the way. When he himself placed his body upon the cross and stretched out his hands to be nailed - was that a sigh of relief and accomplishment come from his lips? NOW - it is in the hands of the Father and the only thing remaining was to experience with his humanity and his human mind, at the moments of death itself, that total spiritual feeling of separation from the presencne of God "My God, my God, why have you abandon me??" . . . "I deliver my spirit into your hands."

And now we can understand “Pray - that you do not fall in temptation” in as much as prayer itself (being still of analytical mind so that conscience in-forms us more and more) is the ‘antidote’ to temptation (passions of the human nature). And on the other hand a lack of these times of still-ness (how many times did we read that Jesus separated himself, and “went off alone to pray”) the lack of these times is the invitation to the condition of temptation and anxiety.

While God may speak to our ears from within thunder from the sky, or angels and saints may appear within our bedroom at night and enlighten our minds with great insights - all this pales to the attention we are to pay to our inner conscience - where God himself touches us and becomes our judgement and guidance.

These things are simple... and already known to us all ("My buden, is light to carry. What I ask you to do - is not hard. Watch with me... watch Me... just look - at me.")

May we all - experience the risen Christ on this - Easter Morning.

-ray