I have to admit that the past weeks I've been thinking about suicide. The reason: A girl told me that I will never get friends or a girlfriend ever. I am afraid she is right. I do have best friends but as for the girlfriend part I believe she is absolutely right... So I thought I should kill myself. But I thought about it for the past 2 weeks and realised how silly that was. Instead of killing myself and my soul, I should offer both of them to God. So I decided to answer my call to priesthood instead. And I would like to tell everyone else that has similar problems that instead of feeling sorry or angered because of their trouble in life, they should try and find the reason why God lets these things happen, and then answer and obey to his will and calls (either in priesthood or monstic life).

I thank God I realised my role and mission in life before doing something stupid.

DOMINVS VOBISCVM

Amen!! Glory to Jesus Christ!

CDL

I am glad you were able to tell us how you are feeling. It takes courage.

Have you been able to talk to anyone in person about your situation? It really helps to talk to someone whom you can trust face to face (like your parents, teachers or parish priest).

Your decision not to do anything "silly" was a good one. If the idea ever comes back into your mind, please talk to someone. Often this helps put things into perspective.

As for what the future holds... nobody can know how your future relationships will or will not develop. Dont loose heart. As for the priesthood... keep thinking and praying about it. You will know what is right when the time comes.

I will keep you in my prayers.
Fr. Bo

Dear Armando,

Don't ever think of suicide again. The consequences of such an act are too horrible to imagine...besides, think of the agony you will put your parents through. Do you have any idea how much parents love their children? The agony of losing you, and especially knowing it was suicide, will destroy your mother and father's life forever. They will never be able to forget you, because you were an integral part of their life, and everything they sacrificed and lived for... not to mention that their feelings of guilt will be with them forever because of the suicide.

In other words, they will be suffering a grief that is nothing in comparison to what you are feeling now.

As for what that stupid girl said, you didn't mention why she said it? Could it be that you are not respectful and considerate enough? She could have been teasing you know? Maybe the change in your denomination had something to do with it and she was being petty?

You also said that you had gained weight. Maybe a diet and exercise will help. Besides, women do not look at those things when they want to get married. They look at how successful a man is.

These are things that you should ponder before you decide to become a priest or monk. If your calling to the Church is sincere, then you will be enlightened to continue with it. I wish you the best, but make sure that you are not pushing yourself into something in order to escape something else.

What happened to the trip to Rome, and the possible scholarship to Boston?

Zenovia

The trip to Rome will take place as soon as I'm finished with my final exams (late June).
The scholarship to Boston has been promised to me by the Bishop of Syrus and Candia (Crete) and I will probably move to Boston in about a year.

Armando,

What school will you be attending in Boston?

If you attend St. John's often the Byzantine Catholic seminarians also partially attend Holy Cross in Brookline (the GOA seminary) for liturgics, etc.

I hope you can attend seminary with the Melkite Catholics.

And remember that some teenage girls can be very petty. So, don't believe all that she said. Instead please do talk with your priest.

I wish you well, God knows I do.
Much Love,
Jonn

I'm sorry to hear that, Armando. Please realise that you are not alone, that other people do sometimes feel so unwanted that they want to end it all.

I know how you feel.

Prayers for Armando,
Nathan Augustine

Thank you all for your kind words and your prayers... Of course, some days (and this is one of them) I just feel prayers don't work...
At least not when they have something to do with me.

Armando,

Don't give up on your prayer life. You could be having a "dark night of the soul" as described by St. John of the Cross.

Anyone who follows Our Lord, God, and Savior Jesus Christ must be prepared to suffer in his service to Him. That's why in the Pre-Vatican II days in the Rite of Confirmation the Bishop would give the Confirmant a little slap across the cheek to remind him that a Christian is supposed to suffer as Our Divine Lord suffered.

Don't give up and don't give in, you have many friends here praying for you. Not to mention Our Glorious Lady, the Saints, and the myriads of Angels praying for you too. You have more friends, powerful ones at that, than you have enemies.

May God Bless You,

Dr. Eric

Where was our Glorious Lady, the saints and the myriads of Angels when I was praying to them? When I was begging for a glimpse of hapiness, while being willing to give everything I can to earn it? Where were all these powerful entities when I so desperately needed them? I am sorry, but I have lost faith in prayer. I still believe in God, in the Holy Catholic Church I've sacrificed so much for her but I don't know for how long I will keep my faith.

Once I was told God only tests as for as far as we can take. Not more or less. Well, I think this would be a very good and ideal time for God to stop testing me and let happiness back in my life again.

Armando,

I know how you feel, I have been there and still have times of doubt and despair. Do you have a spiritual advisor? He/she can help you through these tough times. I asked a priest that I knew about something I wanted. He told me that I was praying for the wrong thing. Are you praying for what God wants or what you think He wants but what you really want. It's easy to get confused, very easy.

I think that everyone would agree with me that if He would just come down from Heaven and knock on our doors and have some tea with us and tell us what He wants of us, we'd all do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Most of us are very polluted with sin and ulterior motives, we think that we are living well but we really are looking out for ourselves only. I'm not saying that you are doing that, just that from what I have gathered in these last 30 years is that is what drives most of us.

I will continue to pray for you and ask your heavenly patrons (if you would kindly inform me who they are) to pray especially hard for you.

May God Bless You,

Dr. Eric

All of my heavenly patrons have let me down.
You want to know who they are? St Jude Thaddeus, St Michael the Archangel, St Peter, St Minas and my guardian angel.

If you think you will achieve anything more than waste your time than you are wrong. If hapiness is the wrong thing to ask for or if God knows that deep inside I don't really want hapiness than I think I really don't want God.

I'll repeat my other post:

Armando,

Do you know of St. Francis De Sales?

Armando,

Go to your priest. Ask him to get you the help you need. From what you have said, everything is going in your favor, yet you say it is not. Something far beyond what we can do is amiss. Go to your priest and get his help and have him help you find the care you need.

All we can do is direct you to your priest and pray for you.

CDL

Armando,

Growing up is hard to do. If you are serious about amounting to something cut out the useless music. If you wish to die we can't do much about it except to encourage you not to do that. But if you are serious about amounting to something you should take a look at the Rev. Mr. John Wesley's Covenant service done yearly in Methodist Church on New Year's Eve. In part:

"Christ has many services to be done.
Some are more easy and honorable,
others are more difficult and disgraceful.
Some are suitable to our inclinations and interests,
others are contrary to both.
In some we may please Christ and please ourselves.
But then there are other works where we cannot please Christ
except by denying ourselves.
It is necessary, therefore,
that we consider what it means to be a servant of Christ.
Let us, therefore, go to Christ, and pray:
Let me be your servant, under your command.
I will no longer be my own.
I will give up myself to your will in all things.
Be satisfied that Christ shall give you your place and work.
Lord, make me what you will.
I put myself fully into your hands:
put me to doing, put me to suffering,
let me be employed for you, or laid aside for you,
let me be full, let me be empty,
let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and with a willing heart
give it all to your pleasure and disposal."

The Covenant Renewal can be found here. http://www.homiliesbyemail.com/Special/New_Year/covenant.html

CDL

Dear Armando:
Some years ago I felt, in many ways, lost and forgotten by everyone I loved, especially God.
It was at a Mass when a priest spoke these words: "Nothing is so lost that it can never be found; Nothing is so broken that it can never be healed". I cried and cried for days. Today is Pentecost Sunday. I pray most fervently before the Altar of God for you. I pray that the Holy Spirit Himself will descend upon you to show you just how much God truly loves you. Don't give up!! Don't you ever give up!! You have the prayers of everyone on this Forum. You ARE loved!! God holds you to His Sacred Heart. He rocks you in His arms. Let Jesus love you. May the love and blessing of God the Father + God the Son + and God the Holy Spirit + descend upon you,
convince you that you are loved more than you can possibly fathom and give peace and healing to you!
We also pray against the Evil One who seeks to devour you. Satan will NEVER, NEVER win your soul. We commit you to the powerful intercession of Mary Most Holy, Terror of Demons and Queen of Peace +
We love you! your brother Silouan, poor monk

Armando,

It's impossible that they have let you down. Here's a story thatt worked for me, it had me crying after I heard it.

" There was once a father who wanted to get his son a kickball, so he took him to the mall to get him one. While there he discovered that there was a sports goods store across the street, and that the mall didn't have any kickballs. So he took his son to go across the street. As they left the mall his son saw one of those paddle balls. He began to beg his father for the little paddle ball, despite the fact that it would break. He begged and begged, he screamed. He threw a huge temper tantrum. Finally he asked 'Daddy, why don't you love me?'. His father very firmly picked him up and led him out of the store, the son kicking and screaming the whole time. Finally they got into the sports store, and the father brought his son into the kickball section and told him to pick out whatever one he liked. With wide eyes the son said 'I want the OWANGE ONE!' With pride his son walked out of the store with an owange kickball when just five minutes ago he had been screaming for a paddle ball."

Armando, there is ALWAYS something. There can't not be something that God hasn't planned for you. Maye He's trying to show you that there's something so much bigger and so much more wonderful that what you're going through right now pales in comparison, and that even the joys of your life right now are rags in comparison to what He has planned. Trust Him, Armando, there's always something across the street.

Peace of Christ,
Nathan Augustine

Dear Sir, Armando, I was a young man once, and I'm 53 now. There was two times in my life, when I was 15 and then, again in my early 20's, that I was very depressed. I was on the verge of doing something drastic, but I did not. It was tough, but somehow I held on. Now, I can see that it was God, and people He worked through (though I did not see it at the time..) who helped me. In the prayers, it says about the spiritual wolf...the Evil One... who seeks to devour souls, he is the one who instigates these kind of thoughts. The Devil wishes to destroy ALL of mankind, and if not , tries to wreck what good that God has created. Hold on, and you will see later, what good He has for you. Thank God I did, and may He be Blessed forever. Mikhail