This is why Christ forbids divorce, saying: "What God has joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matt. 19:1-9; Mark 10:2-12). In the Orthodox understanding "divorce" is not a legal procedure, but that "putting asunder" of the relationship, a reality which the legal process merely recognizes. In this sense a husband or wife begins "divorce proceedings" whenever he or she does something to undermine their union in love, whether through infidelity, lying, refusing to listen, or just holding a grudge. Without repentance and reconciliation these fissures will expand into insurmountable breaches, and the spouses will go their separate ways. At this stage the Church with sorrow recognizes that the marriage has failed and that God's creation has been dissolved. It reluctantly accepts this reality, calling the two broken people to repentance. Divorced persons must confess and be absolved before being readmitted to the sacraments of the Church, and they are often given a penance as spiritual medicine.

Remarriage is offered o­nly as a condescension to human weakness. In Orthodox teaching, this is true not o­nly for divorcees but also for widows and widowers. God's perfect will is that men and women marry o­nly o­nce, creating a spiritual bond that cannot be dissolved even by death. Remarriage is therefore always in some degree a departure from the will of God—a sin. It may be a very great sin, as when a man divorces his wife to marry his mistress; it may be a very understandable result of human weakness, as when a young widow remarries for companionship and help in raising her children. In either case, the bishop may allow a second marriage and, rarely, a third marriage (but never a fourth) as the lesser of evils, in order to preserve members of his flock from a greater falling away from God. This should be done prayerfully, in hope that God in His mercy will bring good from this leniency.

The Orthodox service of a second marriage is penitential in character. It includes prayers that ask God to forgive our sin, to meet us in our weakness and help us in the path of repentance. Christians should approach remarriage being humbly mindful of their weakness, and truly desiring God's grace and a second chance. If they do so and persevere in their desire to be close to God, then I think we can be confident that God will mercifully fill their new marriage with His grace and continue to lead them o­n the path of repentance toward His promised salvation.