No Funerals for Suicide Victims Says Church

March 1, 2002 7:52 am EST

NICOSIA (Reuters) - The Greek Orthodox Church in Cyprus said Thursday it would not bury people taking their own lives, declaring suicides "the greatest sin."

"The church condemns suicide and has banned church burials for those who take their lives," said a spokesman for the Holy Synod, the church ruling body.

"It is the ultimate sin which shows disrespect to the will of God."

Previously the church, a powerful institution with business interests ranging from real estate to industry and banking, had frowned on suicides but there was not an outright ban.

The church said it would only make allowances for people who were mentally disturbed with a medical certificate to prove it.

Most parish priests now turn a blind eye to the circumstances of a death to perform a funeral service. The church ruling changes that.

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How many people are there who commit suicide just for the hell of it? Aren't most, if not all, people who kill themselves usually mentally disturbed or otherwise having a rough time of it? Granted we didn't understand this a hundred years ago, and thus denied Christian burial for those who committed suicide, but in the twenty-first century, shouldn't we be past this?

Why on earth (or anywhere else for that matter) would someone deny a person their funeral?
The church shouldn't discriminate against people because of the way they died. Think of what pain that person had lived through. If someone's life was so bad they had to end it, wouldn't denying them a funeral be like another slap in the face? These people take their own lives so they can finally find peace. And happiness. And to go back to the one person they know still loves them. Yet this church wants to torment them even after death. I think this is one of the cruelest ideas I have ever, EVER had to comprehend.

How on earth can any Church say this.

How on earth do they know what was going on in that poor tormented person's mind at the time when they took that action.

Where is Charity/love in the action to deny them a funeral ?

I always thought that Christ said we were to love our neighbour.

Glory to Jesus Christ!

I am just guessing that since suicide is so completely against the Church and the Church tells us that in doing so we die with a severe mortal sin on our souls. Some would maybe call this the sin against the Holy Spirit which Jesus says cannot be forgiven, so they feel the person was not truly Orthodox and they are not going to celebrate this person.

Just thinking allowed and trying to figure it out myself. God Bless.

IC XC NIKA,
-Nik!
http://YourCatholic.com

Mor,

Of course your right. This is why many people don't like to have anything to do with "orginized religion". Actually it takes total dispare coupled with courage to commit suicide. Of course if your faced with physical torture from enemies or disease then it takes courage and fortitude to live.

I've known persons that have taken their own life. And I think mankind is way behind in understanding the importance of mental health. Mental health is every bit important as physical health... and at certain times it may be even more important. Unbeknown to the modern secular man (or even religious man I suppose also) religion (the five great), it's mystical reality when sought and practiced, is probably the greatest vehical to mental health and fitness. I certainly wished I realized this in my younger years.

Where I accept that suicide is a sin - life is not ours to take even if it is our own , I still feel uncomfortable about this.

I find myself asking do we know what goes on in the person's mind immediately before death under those circumstances. Do they make an act of contrition for this action ? If they do, God hears it even if we don't. He is always merciful to those who confess their sins.

Love the sinner not the sin.

This report is only half-correct.

What it actually should report is that an Orthodox Cypriot, who commits suicide, is banned from a funeral service within the katholikon (temple), but a grave-side funeral service is allowed, even if it is penitential in character.

Objectively speaking, this practice in not an innovation, but is one of great antiquity, whether one agrees with it or not.

Interestingly, the Evzons (elite unit) of the Greek Army have an oral tradition advocating one to "fall on your sword" rather than surrender which, from the Greek perspective, is the only noble thing for a soldier to do.

I think the Church of Greece looks the other way, in this instance.

ER

Xrisi Aygi

[ 03-03-2002: Message edited by: Ephraim Reynolds ]

Dear Catholicos,

Certainly, the denial of a funeral to a suicide is an ancient tradition of the Church, modified by circumstances as Ephraim indicated and by others.

Executed traitors are also denied church funerals, if I am not mistaken, or at least in former times.

My grandfather was a priest who was also a chaplain for the anti-communist underground.

The partisans hanged a man for "ratting" on a parisan unit to the soviets that resulted in the deaths of seven young partisans of the Ukrainian Insurgent Army (UPA).

The man's widow went to my grandfather to ask him to serve his funeral, but the parisans had, by letter, warned him that the man was a traitor and therefore he was to have no funeral. Of course, for my grandfather to disobey meant execution for him as well!

Also, soldiers who commit suicide rather than suffer certain torture at the hands of the enemy, as has occurred many, many times in this century, are not committing a wanton act of depravity.

There are so many mitigating circumstances surrounding suicide that we just can't know what the state of the victim was.

My Church leaves that up to God. What does your Church do?

Alex

We have to be careful here, I believe. True, we should keep in mind the state of such a person who commits this terrible sin; but let us not find ourselves condoning it in any way. Suicide is murder, as sinful as killing someone else. When a murderer kills, we don't usually give the person an out because they may have been enraged at the time of the killing. Murder=murder. Shall we judge the person and say they are certainly damned? No. Should we pray for the soul of the person and hope God has mercy? Of course. However, as someone already pointed out, I have always believed that this may be the "unforgivable sin" against the Holy Spirit that our LORD speaks of.

We must all practice restraint and prudence when dealing with such a horrific manner.

Columcille

Dear Alex,

To tell you the truth, I don't know what our Church does as far as funerals for those who take their own lives. I would hope that, in light of current understandings of psychology, any strict viewpoint they may have taken in the past is now tempered, at least by way of economy on a person by person basis.

Dear Columcille,

I understand what you're saying, but I still think those who take their own lives are due more sympathy than those who take the lives of others. It's true that murder is murder and is charged as that, even if the murderer was enraged at his victim. But suicide is a complex thing, more complex than the situation you bring up, in my opinion anyway.

Another thing to consider is that Churches generally give funerals even for murderers, or so I've been led to believe all this time. So to deny a funeral to someone who already had so rough a time of it that they saw ending it themselves as the only way out, but not to deny a funeral to someone who took it upon himself to end the life of another (and in some cases, we don't know if they ever repented/went to confession, etc) seems to me a great injustice.

As my understanding of the funeral service is that it asks for forgiveness of the deceased's sins and for merciful judgement, etc., then in one sense, no one should be denied a funeral except for the weightiest of causes, since I don't remember the service approving of any sins. Giving one for a murderer but not for a suicide victim is to me preposterous.

If we really want to deny someone, anyone, who takes their own life by suicide, it should only, in my opinion, be for someone who did so willingly, not because they were depressed or what not, but because they wanted to "stick it" to God by their pride-full control of their lives and/or a denial of the final resurrection. That kind of thing cuts you off from Christian faith, as I see it, and then merits a denial of funeral.

As an aside, I remember reading once about a Pakistani Catholic bishop who protested this or that governmental policy under that moron Nawaz Sharif by shooting himself in the head or some other method of suicide. This was a Catholic, a bishop no less...and he wasn't ill...he just wanted to protest a bad govt. policy. Now that means he should've known what he was doing, and that it was mortally sinful, etc., but I don't think I ever read that he was denied a funeral...I'm not sure, there may have been a telegram sent by the Pope to his diocese, but I don't know that one for sure...what does one do with such a problem? How does one address that?

Dear Catholicos and Columcille,

St Peter Mohyla, Orthodox Catholic Metropolitan of Kyiv stated in his catechism that even if we see someone commit a grave sin and that person dies, we, as Christians, are obligated to pray to God on behalf of that person, asking God not to punish that person, but to forgive that person and receive him/her into His eternal Life.

I like that . . .

Alex

Me too, Alex!

Me three

Columcille

I thought that the only people to be denied christian burial were those who have been excommunicated.


David

Perhaps in the eyes of some, murder(suicide) is grounds for an automatic excommunication, such as in the case of participating in an abortion.

Columcille

Dear Columcille,

You are right. There still are certain sins which only a bishop may absolve one of, at least in my Church that can be very, well, Particular!

Alex

Dear Friends:

Please let me offer for your consideration a story regarding an uncle of mine.

This man was a very attractive, charming, and talented individual, who owned a small store and bar in the Azores.

One of his great failings in life was that he had a weakness for the drink, as my mother told me he was almost always intoxicated.

All things considered, he managed to carry on a successful life, had five children, and was a religious person [he would pay for the candles to light the altars on Sunday].

Another thing my mother told me, was that even if he was drunk he would still get on his knees and pray before a statue of our Lord in his house.

As one would expect, the drink finally caught up to him and liver disease began to make him psychotic.

After a fit of delirium, he tried to harm himself [most people referred to it as a suicide] with a penknife. The wound was no larger than an inch or so and the knife was as small.

He was taken to hospital and the doctor told my aunt that the wound was of no concern, he could just sew it up, but that he was dying of liver disease and there was nothing he could do to help.

A group of family and friends, as well as his Godfather a priest, went to the hospital, which was located in another city, and brought him home.

All along the trip he incessantly sang church hymns, which physically and emotionally drained his companions.

He died at the age of 47, that same night, shortly after arriving at the house.

In the morning my cousin went to the village priest, told him what had happened, and that the family would like to arrange a funeral.

He answered that she was well aware the Church did not bury suicides. She had to explain to him what happened and told him that his Godfather was at her uncle's death.

The church did bury him, but the suicide element has remained to this day. We have met people who still refer to him as a suicide.

One day my cousin Joe, who was four when his father died, in conversation with my mother said, "we would have had an better life if my father had not killed himself".

My mother was livid and had to explain the complete circumstances of his father's death.

It seems that my aunt never talked to the younger children about their father's death.

My aunt never remarried, regarded the notion as insulting, and was in love with her husband till the day she died.

Suicide is never completely one sided.


defreitas

[ 03-04-2002: Message edited by: defreitas ]

Dear Jose,

As someone who has studied suicide, you are absolutely correct.

There is even a Jewish convert to Catholicism who is up for Beatification (I forget his name) who is now "Venerable" and who suffered from epilepsy and epileptic seizures that were so painful that he often tried to kill himself to make the pain go away.

He later resolved to keep his stay in kitchens, where there were knives, at a minimum, since if he had a seizure then and there, he'd be in trouble . . .

Christ Himself faced the demon of suicide in his Agony in the Garden.

And He prayed all the more, being in His painful, anguished state.

It is clear that we can never pass judgement on suicides.

At the same time, the temptation to suicide can and should be turned into an opportunity for Grace.

I was once like that. I was so upset by the hopelessness of my situation, not receiving any support from family and friends, that I found an evil solace in considering hanging myself.

I so convinced myself that God would forgive me etc.

And this was all part of the great delusion!

I came to understand that the temptation to suicide is allowed by God to make us throw ourselves even more completely on Him, to rely on Him alone to bring us out of the pit of despair.

I also learned that it was when I was so sure of my own "goodness" and "spiritual superiority" (I hope that doesn't come out in my posts here).

It was at those times when I was attacked by the evil one.

The only way to overcome it is by the total realization that we cannot save ourselves by our good works etc. We need to throw ourselves on God alone.

St Francis of Assisi did that when he was hopelessly tempted by a sexual temptation.

He threw himself naked on a thorn bush. And the thorns fell off.

The bush still grows to this day - but without thorns.

Alex

Dear Friends,

It seems to me that the Church is supposed to be in the business of saving souls, not condemning them. Also, in the business of comforting the survivors, not in ignoring their needs, nor in kicking the family around.

Thank you, DeFreitas, for your family story. I have another, about a family I knew in New Jersey, years ago.

The father had an incurable illness and killed himself. The Ukrainian Catholic priest refused to do a service for the family, so the widow went to the Irish priest at St. Vincent's and had a Latin Mass said (this was pre Vatican II) and a graveside service.

No one in that family ever returned to that Ukrainian parish. A few have returned to other Ukie parishes, but not until years later.

One child was lost into a cult, one became a nihilist/agnostic/atheist/whatever. The widow took almost 30 years to feel like she belonged in any parish (she tried quite a few). She finally found her way home to Jesus a few years ago.

Sometimes the Church does great damage by plastering layers of dogma over the peoples' lives.

I'm not a dog, I don't need dogma.

Sometimes I feel like going QUACKERS!

John
Pilgrim and Odd Duck

I haven't checked ByzCath in quite a while since I've been really distracted and am now on the road (Des Moines, Iowa). I just read the thread above.

What has struck me is the fact that to a person, everybody has been most concerned about the individual who commits suicide -- their pain, their mental state, their family relationships, etc. It seems to me that most posters here are tripping over one another to understand and to forgive.

It seems to me that the basic command of Christ to love one another is in high gear -- perhaps there is indeed hope for humanity with the witness of "love-of-God -- love-of-neighbor" being shown here. I hope that the Lord is really pleased at the kindness His servants are showing to those tortured souls who most need love, understanding and mercy.

Blessings!

Glory to Jesus Christ!

As has been stated, Orthodox canon law does indeed deny a church burial and memorial services to a suicide that was done by one who was NOT mentally ill. As a social worker, in an Emergency Room, I have found very few people who have attempted suicide who were not mentally ill , at least temporarily. I doubt that the family of suicide would be denied a mental illness certificate by their family physician due to this.

Sadly, I have seen many sucessful suicides that were calls for help by people in severe mental anguish or from boderline personality disorders seeking attention (both of these however could easily be given a psychiatric diagnosis under DSM IV, the manual descibing various psychiatric disorders and their levels of severity).

The only case that I can see, in which one may not qualify for the mentally ill category is one who seeks to punish someone else by murdering him/herself, this is sometimes done in the case of a jilted lover or a person seeking revenge upon another person--- in doing so they try to send the survivor a guilt message---the ultimate revenge. There are those that I have seen and in many cases they are not mentally ill but actually seeking to punish another for a percieved slight.

It is also important to note that if the suicide does not die immediately and has time to confess to the father-confessor and then dies,is buried as a non-suicide.

Spiritually, the issue seems to be an unconfessed murder of oneself that has been unrepented. To many this is what seperated the Apostle Judas Iscariot from St.Peter. Peter denied Christ but repented and asked forgiveness---forgiven he willing witnessed the divinity of his Lord and in the end gave up his life in martyrdom for Christ. Judas, in his self-willedness denied Christ, then recognizing his sin did not ask for forgiveness and took his own life in despair.

Many Orthodox Saints have indicated that family and friends of suicide should pray for the person and ask that God apply mercy to the sinner. May we always continue this act of Charity to those who have taken their own lifes, mentally ill or not. Better yet, may we look for bretheren who are sending those cries for help and help them before they let despair overtake them and lead them to suicide.

Your brother in Christ,
Thomas

[ 03-06-2002: Message edited by: Thomas ]

Amen, Brother Thomas. Aint' that just the Christ-like thing to do: go out and get 'em before they do harm to themselves. Sheesh, if we would just stop to take the time to attend to folks and to their needs, God's world would be a better place for all.

Blessings!

Dear Friends,
Christ is among us!
As a Parish priest, I have had to face the difficult problem of conducting the Funeral Service of a suicide a number of times. Even though I am a Byzantine Catholic priest, on a number of occassions I have been asked by Orthodox Christian families to conduct the Funerals of suicides when their Pastors have said no.
I accept their need to follow their Bishop's directive in this matter. I am pleased though that I can presume insanity and conduct a suitable service. I usually follow the understanding of such deaths in line with 2 Maccabees 12. I look towards the resurrection, pray for God's Divine Mercy, and offer sacrifice for the sins of the departed.
I hope that other Byzantine Catholic priests follow this understanding as well. I believe they do!

Thank you Fr. Vladimir for your words (and your praxis).

One aspect that has been not mentioned is the fact that the funeral service is not just for the deceased, but also for those of us left behind. No matter the sins of the departed, we -- the faithful -- need to know that our love for the departed person is not in vain, and that our prayers for him/her are not in vain. We need to be constantly reminded (and reinforced) in the belief that God loves all His children and will afford them every mercy, even if this mercy is the result of the prayers of the good and pious and faithful folks left behind.

The Lord is truly good and the lover of His human creations. Let us take the lesson and make it our own.

Mercy, Lord, upon us sinners. Thank you again, Reverend Father, for your goodness in taking the time to post.

Blessings to all!

Bless me a sinner, Father Vladimir!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us!

Another case where Orthodox asked for memorial services to an individual that was denied to him because he was excommunicated was that of Hetman Ivan Mazeppa, excommunicated by the Russian Church for his alliance with the Lutheran King Charles XII of Sweden against Peter the Great.

Kissing your right hand, I again implore your blessing,

Alex

Dear Mor Ephrem,
So I thought! That people who committed suicide where mentally siturbed. But then I read a report from the US Air Force that seemed to indicate that a lot of people who did so were of sound mind.
Find this very confusing. Certainly we need to be sympathetic to them and their families.
Stephanos I

[ 04-23-2002: Message edited by: Stephanos I ]

As a prominent psychiatrist once noted: "Military medicine is to medicine as military music is to music." Air Force study? Fine. But compare it to others.

Since however we are not part of a military organization, but rather of a faith-family (dysfunctional as we sometimes are), we just have to remember that we aren't here to judge, but rather to love 'em all to the best of our abilities. (And, as my liturgics professor noted: the wake, the parastas, the funeral and the burial are there for the benefit of the survivors even though we use the opportunity to pray for the deceased. The set ritual of funerals allows the survivors to go through a series of "must do's" while they come to grips with the reality of the loss.)

How much more painful for the survivors when the person apparently took his/her own life. How much more must we comfort them when they feel that they have 'failed' the individual? And so, praying for the soul of the departed not only benefits the soul of the departed, but gives consolation to the survivors.

Think about the survivors and do whatever is necessary, in love, for their comfort.

Economia. Economia. Economia.

Christ is Risen!!

Dear Dr John,
Please read my post a little more closely.
I thought that is what I said.
Stephanos I