The Byzantine Forum
Newest Members
Watchgirl, Thom18, Marie P., Paul Tooley, John Shea
5612 Registered Users
Who's Online Now
1 registered members (1 invisible), 336 guests, and 493 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Latest Photos
Byzantine Nebraska
Church of the Holy Trinity (UGCC) - Brazil
Papal Audience 10 November 2017
Upgraded Russian icon corner
Russian Greek Catholic Global Congress
Forum Statistics
Forums26
Topics34,782
Posts412,200
Members5,612
Most Online3,380
Dec 29th, 2019
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
Humorous Church Bulletins #344568 03/03/10 03:11 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 10,914
Alice Offline OP
Moderator
Member
OP Offline
Moderator
Member
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 10,914
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.**
------------ --------- -----
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon
tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
------------ --------- -----
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
------------ --------- -----
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much
about you.
------------ --------- -----
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
------------ --------- -----
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
------------ --------- -----
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
------------ --------- -----
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
------------ --------- -----
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
------------ --------- -----
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.
------------ --------- -----
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is
Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice
------------ --------- -----
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
------------ --------- -----
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
------------ --------- -----
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
------------ --------- -----
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
------------ --------- -----
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
------------ --------- -----
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
------------ --------- -----
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
------------ --------- -----
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
------------ --------- -----
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
------------ --------- -----
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.
------------ --------- ----
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare' s Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.
------------ --------- -----
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
------------ --------- -----
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".*




Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: Alice] #344570 03/03/10 03:36 PM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 54
A
ALLEN Offline
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 54
Great!!!!!! We all need a little humor after days of watching the Congress spend us into oblivion. Thanks, Alice

Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: ALLEN] #344578 03/03/10 04:56 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,214
Terry Bohannon Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,214
"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."

and

"The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday."

are my favorite...first time I've laughed myself to tears for a while.

Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: Terry Bohannon] #344584 03/03/10 06:52 PM
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 4,678
Logos - Alexis Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 4,678
"At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is
Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice."

That is hysterical!

Alexis

Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: Logos - Alexis] #344597 03/03/10 10:45 PM
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 979
Pavloosh Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 979
Instead of identifying a donation for Sorokousty [Commemoration of the Dead] on an envelope, one parishioner wrote "Dlya Sorokkopuste" which translated from the Ukrainian means "For Forty Cabbages".


Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: Pavloosh] #344619 03/04/10 08:36 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,564
F
Fr Serge Keleher Offline
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,564
Church Sign Board:

"Sermon: the Pastor.

Hymn: Sleepers, Wake"

Fr. Serge

Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: Pavloosh] #344627 03/04/10 02:02 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 10,914
Alice Offline OP
Moderator
Member
OP Offline
Moderator
Member
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 10,914
Originally Posted by Pavloosh
Instead of identifying a donation for Sorokousty [Commemoration of the Dead] on an envelope, one parishioner wrote "Dlya Sorokkopuste" which translated from the Ukrainian means "For Forty Cabbages".



Maybe he was hungry and thinking of some delicious cabbage dish he would go home to eat???

Or maybe he was lamenting a fasting period coming up of forty days of eating nothing but cabbage!!! eek

Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: Alice] #344634 03/04/10 02:57 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,346
D
Deacon Robert Behrens Offline
Jessup B.C. Deacon
Member
Offline
Jessup B.C. Deacon
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,346
Some years back, I remember listening to radio talk show host Barry Farber on WOR radio in NYC. He is Jewish, but raised in Kentucky. He tells of a theological debate which raged in a small Southern town. As you drove through the town, you first encountered a church with a sign which announced "There ain't no Hell"! As you went further down the road, the next church had a sign out front which read "the Hell there ain't!"

Dn. Robert

Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: Deacon Robert Behrens] #344636 03/04/10 03:17 PM
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 979
Pavloosh Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 979
Recipe for Holy Water:
Place 2 quarts of cold water in pot, place on stove and bring to a boil. Continue boiling the hell out of it!

Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: Deacon Robert Behrens] #344637 03/04/10 03:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 2,532
Porter Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 2,532
Great humor in these. ROFL..:D

Adding this one:

[The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.]

Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: Porter] #344641 03/04/10 03:47 PM
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 979
Pavloosh Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 979
Also:
Parish kitchen switching from electricity to gas as most women in parish have gas.

Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: Pavloosh] #344650 03/04/10 06:29 PM
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 700
A
aramis Offline
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 700
Intentions: [...] Pray for Peace in the Middle East. [...]
Meetings: Wargaming Club, Friday, Parish Center, 7pm.

Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: aramis] #344662 03/05/10 12:21 AM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 6,502
theophan Offline
Moderator
Member
Offline
Moderator
Member
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 6,502
A new pastor was blessing the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: theophan] #344665 03/05/10 03:05 AM
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 5,692
B
byzanTN Offline
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 5,692
One of the bulletin blunders I liked said, "Mrs. Edna Dalton is ill and recuperating at home. Her husband requests that no one come to see the big hog while she is ill."

Re: Humorous Church Bulletins [Re: byzanTN] #344666 03/05/10 03:09 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 10,914
Alice Offline OP
Moderator
Member
OP Offline
Moderator
Member
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 10,914
Originally Posted by byzanTN
One of the bulletin blunders I liked said, "Mrs. Edna Dalton is ill and recuperating at home. Her husband requests that no one come to see the big hog while she is ill."


I am not getting it...what was it correctly supposed to be?!? confused

Page 1 of 2 1 2

The Byzantine Forum provides message boards for discussions focusing on Eastern Christianity (though discussions of other topics are welcome). The views expressed herein are those of the participants and may or may not reflect the teachings of the Byzantine Catholic or any other Church. The Byzantine Forum and the www.byzcath.org site exist to help build up the Church but are unofficial, have no connection with any Church entity, and should not be looked to as a source for official information for any Church. All posts become property of byzcath.org. Contents copyright - 1996-2020 (Forum 1998-2020). All rights reserved.
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.3