So...
The holidays are upon us once more. Quickly at that!
Since going in a liturgical direction the nature of December has become increasingly more difficult. All of december is like a party in America, and then quickly forgotten. The opposite of what it should be.

I did celebrate advent and enjoy it in the Western tradition for a few years, and I do realize that it is meant to encourage the same reflective season of prayer and preparation.
Since becoming Byzantine there seems to be an even stronger encouragement to keep the season as a fasting/penitential period.

so I am curious, how does everyone deal with it? Do you go to parties? Do you enjoy the fare? Is it rude not to go if it is a family or close friend that invites you. Or does not going set a good example.

And particularly, I want to know how people deal with the day and night of Christmas Eve, IF there families are not Byzantine.

Being that it is a day of strict fast I would think that it is difficult for many to figure out how to deal with the many festive family functions.

Now I know that there is the 12 course traditional and fast friendly dinner that is offered in my tradition. And I have no problem with that, but nowhere that I would feel obligated to go offers that particular tradition in my family. Just lots of pigging out.

So, the question is, is it better to go and simply observe the day the way you want to in your heart even though everyone around is is pretty much celebrating Christmas a little early?
Do you not go to any festive parties until after some sort of Church service? How early can a service be to qualify so that you can be more free to join the party? I think ours are usually around 10 or 11.

What exactly is meant to be the mood of the day? Prayerful and solemn and slow, or festive and exciting because of what you know is around the corner? Does one better celebrate it with the Royal hours and silence and reflection and neglect any other opportunities?

I ask because without fail one or both sides of my family invite me to some sort of Christmas Eve celebration in the afternoon or evening, which is basically the same thing as a Christmas celebration, and this year we are considering telling all people that we are just not available because it is not in the spirit of the way that we honor the occasion.

Anyone else run into this?

We usually go to Royal Hours in the morning, have Holy Supper at sundown, then to Vespers, and finally to Divine Liturgy at 11 or so.

The secular pre-Christmas season frenzy of shopping and overeating has been one of my pet peeves for about the past 40 years, I have to admit. Long ago, I made a conscious decision to opt out of it in major ways. Becoming Byzantine Catholic only increased my desire and commitment to observe it in a more meaningful way. Actually, even as a child, I tried to convince my family (after reading "Little Women") that we should just all give one small simple homemade gift to each person, and cut out all the piles of store-bought stuff. (This suggestion was met with disbelief and promptly ignored.)

Not having family where I live, I am not faced with the dilemma you have. And my friends tend to follow the same practice of keeping the time before Christmas as preparation, not celebration.

We have a Christmas luncheon party at work, and I do go to that because there are very few other opportunities to spend simple social time with my coworkers. However, I quietly avoid any dish that has meat or fish in it, or is overly rich. If someone asks why I'm not having the turkey, lasagne, whatever, I just explain briefly (one or two sentences)and joyfully (no gloomy "fasting face" - this is a joyful opportunity), without making a big deal of it. And I make a point to not overeat, as that also is not in the spirit of the fast. And since that can really be a challenge at such an event, it's a good opportunity to exercise self-control! (True confessions: some years I've failed in this aspect). I also don't participate in the "Secret Santa" at work. I've explained that they shouldn't take it personally, I like them all, but I try not to collect material things I don't need, and that I celebrate Christmas a little differently. Again, I keep it light, brief, and not preachy or judgmental. If people have questions, which they sometimes do, I'm happy to say more. Overall, they've accepted all these "countercultural" idiosyncrasies very well. Their conclusion, they tell me, is that I'm "a bit odd, but a nice person," and it hasn't impacted negatively at all on my relationship with any of them.

I'm also fortunate to work for an agency that gives us both the 24th and the 25th as paid holidays (and Good Friday, too!) so I try to keep the day of Christmas Eve reflective and prayerful at home. Some years we've had the Holy Supper together at our parish, which has been nice. Everyone brings something. Sometimes, however, people don't follow the guidelines for the fast, even though it's been explained to them. I do find this frustrating to have this happen at my church, which is the one place I shouldn't have to encounter this!

I also don't put up my outdoor lights or buy my Christmas tree until a few days before Christmas, and then I keep the tree up at least through Theophany, usually longer, depending on how dry it's getting, and I keep my outdoor Christmas lights on through the feast of the Presentation on Feb 2. It doesn't fit in with the neighborhood, of course, but that's okay.

My parish priest says that when people ask him, in the days following Christmas, how his Christmas was, he replies, "It's going very well, thank you!" He then has an opportunity to explain our tradition when they look at him with puzzled expressions. I've decided to adopt this response too. And I always get interested reactions during the pre-Christmas season when people (like cashiers in stores) ask me how I'm doing with all the stress of preparing for Christmas, or if I'm ready for it. I usually answer with something brief and cheerful about how Christmas generally isn't a stressful time for me because my way of preparing for it is a bit different. If they inquire more, I may say that mostly my preparation is prayer, or some variation on this theme, depending on my sense of the person asking.

Here's a question maybe someone can answer for me:

We don't, unfortunately. have Royal Hours or Vespers on Christmas Eve in our parish. We have a 7pm Divine Liturgy (St Basil) on Christmas Eve and a 10am liturgy (St John Chrysostom) on Christmas Day. Because I like to go to both, I've never been quite sure when to end the fast. Would it be more in the spirit of the tradition to end it after the 7pm liturgy on Christmas Eve, or to wait until after the Christmas morning liturgy? (I've been doing the latter). It would be clear to me if we had the kind of schedule of services that Stuart K described in his post, but we don't. Thanks!

Christ is in our midst!!

Up until the early 1960s, Christmas Eve was a day of strict fast for Latin Catholics, too. The tradition in my family was to have little more than oyster stew for dinner--and I really didn't like that.

In my father's Swedish family, however, Christmas Eve was the big deal. They had a feast of many Old Country dishes that had been in preparation since the First Sunday of Advent and were finished by St. Lucia Day on December 13. All preparations had to be done by that day so that a more slow-paced time could be spent up to Christmas Eve. Presents were unwrapped and then everyone went to a candlelight Vespers (Julotta Vespers) that capped the evening. Christmas Day, by comparison, was a subdued, quiet day.

My Catholic family moved to a more festive celebration in line with my father's tradition after the Church lifted the strict fast requirment and we spent the day, beginning at noon, in a party that lasted until Midnight Mass. Since we've moved away from family for the most part, we have been invited to a local family's celebration that is similar to the one I was used to at home.

I will say it is very difficult to prepare for Christmas as you describe. Our Protestant brethren celebrate the season prior as part of the Christmas season--opposite to us. It's different and most of our Catholic brethren have little memory of the days when fasting was part of the period prior to Christmas.

Bob

Not all of us....some still are restrained during Advent...parishes witholding decorating until Gaudete or after the final Sunday liturgy on Advent 4, and definitely not using Christmas Carols in the Liturgy until the 12 days.

For the past four or five Advents I have been using the First Litany from the Liturgy of St. John Chrsysotom between the Greeting and Collect instead of a shorter Kyrie.

Pastor Thomas:

Christ is in our midst!!

Good to hear from you. My experience is based on what I've encountered. But, then, I wouldn't really call you a Protestant in the usual sense. You seem to be among those who walk the pilgrim path in similar ways to Catholics and Orthodox Christians--as you and your parish do. And, to me, you're my brethren in the Apostolic Tradition. I know many Anglicans and Lutherans who practice a similar Advent wait, but I was trying to differentiate between those who begin their Christmas celebration when we begin Advent and who are finished on December 26th. Forgive me if I painted with too broad a brush. My grandparents from the Swedish Church had a really subdued Advent and didn't really celebrate Christmas until Christmas Eve--when my family was still fasting until the early 1960s.

Bob

All feasts start at sundown, so the Feast of the Nativity starts at sundown Christmas Eve. The fast ends at sundown Christmas Eve.

Ill pray for the fact of him being Swsedish it's a Norwegian thing ya know.
But I like keeping the Christmas eve fast still.
There is some simple peasant meal involving fish or see food from countries around the world.
Lights traditionally go up with tree on the 23rd of December to celebrate St Thorlaukur patron of Iceland.
Stephanos I

Father Stephanos:

Father bless!!

I wish you would. Being a Catholic and a Swede meant that for my siblings and myself, we were never really welcomed into either community as we grew up. The Catholics looked at us with a side-long glance because of our name and the Protestants welcomed us like they would lepers. It was a tough gig.

I have hope that the Lord is more welcoming.

Asking for your blessing and holy prayers,
Bob

Relax it was just a joke. I experienced the same thing for years after converting. 40 something years now and they are only begging to get use to it.
Stephanos I