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Prayers for faith and peace with my mother #418591
10/08/18 09:37 AM
10/08/18 09:37 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 9
Romania
Ecaterina Offline OP
Junior Member
Ecaterina  Offline OP
Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 9
Romania
Please pray for me and my mother! She is declared atheist and feminist and is constantly showing anger and disappointment at me trying to get closer to the church I am baptized in (Romanian Eastern Orthodox Church) while she finds Christianity as a whole and Orthodoxy primarily as a symbol of the old patriarchate era in which women were abused and people brainwashed into faith. She is baptized too, same church, but found happiness in atheism. I try to avoid the subject but she insists on bringing it up. I know I owe her obedience because she is my mother and despite her beliefs I must show example of meekness at all times. This last Saturday after we argued regarding our country's Referendum on redefining the Constitution about marriage left me especially sad and tired and with an obsessive prelet that she is actually enjoying bringing me down (which can't be a vision from God who sent me to her to be her daughter in the first place and He makes no mistake).
I have been having strange dreams and there is a part of me now scared of priests, based on what she said, that constantly keeps my mind wander away every time I attempt to make my list of sins for my general confession that I definitely do need. I know I am the one to blame not her because it's my faith that is too small and my weakness not hers but I feel very down and disappointed in my people and country. I just feel so low as to personal prayer does not help any more.
Please pray our Lord Jesus Christ illumines me on how to handle this without creating more spiritual tension in my close family or any other intention you may seem fit.
Thank you in advance!

Re: Prayers for faith and peace with my mother [Re: Ecaterina] #418592
10/09/18 11:43 AM
10/09/18 11:43 AM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 6,326
Hollidaysburg, PA
theophan Online content
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theophan  Online Content
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Ecaterina:

Christ is in our midst!!

There is much in your post so let me ask some questions first.

You don't say what your age is--are you still a minor child, dependent on your mother for your financial support? Do you live with your mother because you are dependent?

Both of your answers will let us know much more how to answer your questions to us.

You say "I must show example of meekness at all times" in your post. I think you may confuse "meekness"--also known as patience--with "respect." No one must be a doormat to be walked on or a punching bag to absorb another person's abuse. But your mother's behavior hinges on the answer to the above questions--whether you are a minor and whether you depend on her for support.

I suspect that your mother is baiting you to argue over one thing or another and this can be spiritually exhausting. If it were me, I'd try to change the conversation. You won't convert your mother by argument so it's up to you to just let this toxic habit go.

You shouldn't be afraid of priests; they are human like the rest of us, though granted grace by ordination to be our helpers, supporters, and the presence of Christ to us.

Be assured of my prayers.

Bob
Moderator

Re: Prayers for faith and peace with my mother [Re: theophan] #418594
10/10/18 06:39 AM
10/10/18 06:39 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 9
Romania
Ecaterina Offline OP
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Ecaterina  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 9
Romania
@Teophan - thank you for your answer and prayers.
I am a full grown-up woman, not married and with no children, even if to my post seems childish, and I do not live with my mother. I visit her regularly and even so I feel some sort of guilt and pressure towards her every time she expresses her disappointment in my spiritual life. When I was teen and going to church and confession far more often than now she reacted the same way.

For some reason I have a weak spirit and sometimes I feel like my mother's words are being written inside me despite my will. I do not feel the same pressure from anyone else in my life.

Re: Prayers for faith and peace with my mother [Re: Ecaterina] #418595
10/10/18 02:57 PM
10/10/18 02:57 PM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 6,326
Hollidaysburg, PA
theophan Online content
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theophan  Online Content
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Christ is in our midst!!

No one must put himself or herself in a toxic situation. I've been there with family and in-laws. I avoid contact as much as possible and keep my peace about me--the peace that I know that Christ is in charge here and hereafter and that I can bear these challenges with His help. But I don't have to go looking for more frequent experiences of toxic situations.

The Enemy can use these to weaken our faith. Don't let him. Recognize what this is--pray for your mother and be kind--but don't think you must constantly subject yourself to this because of the 4th commandment of honoring our parents.

Bob

Re: Prayers for faith and peace with my mother [Re: Ecaterina] #418596
10/10/18 04:35 PM
10/10/18 04:35 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 6,353
Virginia!
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John
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John
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Virginia!
Originally Posted by Ecaterina
I know I owe her obedience because she is my mother and despite her beliefs I must show example of meekness at all times. This last Saturday after we argued regarding our country's Referendum on redefining the Constitution about marriage left me especially sad and tired and with an obsessive prelet that she is actually enjoying bringing me down (which can't be a vision from God who sent me to her to be her daughter in the first place and He makes no mistake).


Originally Posted by Ecaterina
I do not live with my mother. I visit her regularly and even so I feel some sort of guilt and pressure towards her every time she expresses her disappointment in my spiritual life. When I was teen and going to church and confession far more often than now she reacted the same way.


Ecaterina,

I'm sure that you are already praying for your mother and seeking the Lord's guidance on how to handle this difficult situation.

If this were me, I'd focus on treating her with respect, trying not to get angry, and using humor.

You might try to diffuse her verbal spars with humor. For example: "Mom, you know we disagree on this topic. I love you too much to argue with you, especially when I know you're wrong, (big smile) so let's talk about something else. Where shall we go for lunch?"

Then refuse to discuss any topic with her and use humor to dismiss her attempts. If she keeps after you then stop the conversation, tell her that you won't stay if she only wants to argue, and then ask her for a hug before you leave. Then leave.

My expectation is that it would not work at first but that eventually she'd give up trying to get your anger up. And if you are forced to leave she will find more respect for you and not push (since the price for pushing is not seeing you as often or for as long on each visit).

For you, at first you will be diffusing her with humor while boiling inside. But over time you will be able to control the anger.

John

Re: Prayers for faith and peace with my mother [Re: Administrator] #418600
10/11/18 08:52 AM
10/11/18 08:52 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 9
Romania
Ecaterina Offline OP
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Ecaterina  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 9
Romania
Originally Posted by theophan

No one must put himself or herself in a toxic situation. I've been there with family and in-laws. I avoid contact as much as possible and keep my peace about me--the peace that I know that Christ is in charge here and hereafter and that I can bear these challenges with His help. But I don't have to go looking for more frequent experiences of toxic situations.

The Enemy can use these to weaken our faith. Don't let him. Recognize what this is--pray for your mother and be kind--but don't think you must constantly subject yourself to this because of the 4th commandment of honoring our parents.

Bob

Yes this is part of my problem. The peace I found with Christ when I started praying has been lost, but not because of my mom, because I eventually brought back to Him situations in which I just don't know where His love was in our life.
I often feel like fighting both God and mom because they both make me feel guilty and not enough even if the one physically near me, mom, said that is the last thing she wants to make me feel bad.
I have to convince myself to stop trying to fix both my relationship with Him and her relationship with Him at the same time.

The Enemy has won for now (he has been visiting me in my dreams since the age of 5, trying to scare me, I am no longer scared of him just disgusted and sometimes feel sorry for him too) in his exercise to push me down. When I was 5 I dreamt him and he promised he'd "get me." I wish I could feel as energetic against The Enemy as most Christians are, and get happy to just overcome his attacks and be more assertive and take pleasure from winning a fight. But I just feel like I passively hate him and wish him to just be gone.

Re: Prayers for faith and peace with my mother [Re: Administrator] #418601
10/11/18 08:54 AM
10/11/18 08:54 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 9
Romania
Ecaterina Offline OP
Junior Member
Ecaterina  Offline OP
Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 9
Romania
Originally Posted by Administrator
Then refuse to discuss any topic with her and use humor to dismiss her attempts. If she keeps after you then stop the conversation, tell her that you won't stay if she only wants to argue, and then ask her for a hug before you leave. Then leave.

My expectation is that it would not work at first but that eventually she'd give up trying to get your anger up. And if you are forced to leave she will find more respect for you and not push (since the price for pushing is not seeing you as often or for as long on each visit).

For you, at first you will be diffusing her with humor while boiling inside. But over time you will be able to control the anger.

John

Thank you, John! This gives me hope.


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