Hi Everyone,

I need advice! There is a new priest in our parish, and he seems to be fairly "traditional" for lack of a better word--he's not Eastern since the nearest Eastern church is a couple of hours away from me--but I am hoping that he will be able to give me some spiritaul guidance; I don't know him well enough to ask him to be a spiritual director, but I do need someone to keep me from going over the deep end!

So, what constitutes spiritual direction? Can I ask advice on handling my shortcomings? Situations with other people that bring out my shortcomings? I know I should be able to ask him questions concerning my prayer life and ascetical practices (which are minimal now :> ) If the Christian life is a road, then can I hope that he will help me to find the right one and to keep me on it instead of taking shortcuts and wrong turns?

Suppose he tells me something that sounds kind of strange? (I've had this happen before.) How would I know that this isn't working for me, or that it is? Because, of course, it would be easy for me to hear a lot of nice stuff like, hey you're doing great, don't worry about those little things you've been worrying about! But I really think I need *more* than that, although, maybe not to the extent that I think I do.

Also, I am supposed to meet with him, what does he need to know to give good spiritual guidance?

Thanks to everybody--I have learned a lot just by reading many of your posts.

Dear in Christ Philothea,

I would suggest that you begin "small" with him. Take two or three of the more prominent issues you need to discuss to your meeting. Do not unwrap your whole package yet! See how you both work with the few things first. If it feels good, then ask him if he would be willing to take you on as your Spiritual Director. He may want a less formal relationship for a while; or perhaps you would not care to to come under his direction so quickly. Give the relationship a little time to develop before committing to the formalization of Spirtual Direction.

unworthy monk Kyrill

Dear Philothea,

I am delighted to hear of people who are so set on pursuing the spiritual life, that they are seeking a director.

I am not sure that the first thing I would look for is a priest who is 'traditional'. It is not necessary that the director be a priest, or (at least outwardly) 'traditional'.

The first responsibility of the spiritual director is to lift up their spiritual children every day in prayer before God. This role of intercession is his (her) greatest gift to you, and is much more valuable than advice, however worthy. Luckily, it is a ministry that survives even the grave.

Look for a spiritual person, who is dedicated to their own life of prayer. Pray to God to show you just such a person. Then, begin to speak to them about prayer, and listen to how they respond.

Just my humble thoughts on the question, and I hope you find the help you're seeking.

With prayers,

Elias, monk

Dear Fr. Kyrill and Monk Elias,

I really appreciated your advice regarding my situation. That Elias wrote that the most important thing the spiritual director can do is to pray for the directee made me stop and think (for a couple of days!). I had thought that the director would kind of get me organized spiritually, because I naturally think that I need to be doing a whole lot better than I am. On the other hand, whenever people reassure me that I am doing *fine* I just think that they are too easy on me because they are too nice--they just don't realize that I really ought to be doing a lot more.

And then I remembered what Fr Kyrill mentioned in the fasting column, about married people not taking on a monk's role; it seems very easy to think of a spectrum from hermits, who would be the "most spiritual" to people who are not priests or monks or nuns and who therefore are "not very spiritual." So all this made me think that in my trying very hard to become more spiritual I am ending up losing the spiritual opportunities my own life affords me, because my mind is elsewhere.


So now I am not sure what to do. Maybe God doesn't mind if at this stage of my life I don't spend a lot of time in formal prayer if I use the little chances in my daily life to say little prayers.

So I must thank you both because you give me so much to think about!