www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall Special Report from the 'Onion Dome'

Parish Protests Common Easter

April 9, 2004

The Society of St. Theopemptos the Chronodule at Holy Martys of the New Calendar Yoke
Exceedingly Orthodox Church announced today that it wishes to go on record as disapproving of
Western Christians celebrating their Easter on the same day as Orthodox Pascha.

In an exclusive interview granted to The Onion Dome,* Society spokesman** Eugene (Mark of
Ephesus) Johnson stated, “This happens about once every decade, and it's got to stop. It smacks
of ecumenism. Just because the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox
happens to fall on the same day on both the Julian and Gregorian calendars is not reason enough
for them to steal our feast.

“We Really Truly Exceedingly Orthodox believers make a point of being as different as we
possibly can, whether Orthodoxy really has anything to do with it or not. That's we've broken
with seven different Old Calendar jurisdictions. Furthermore, we don't want our long-sleeved,
headscarf-wearing, candle-kissing faithful confused with any of those heretics who go to church in
hats. They need to move their celebration.”

Asked whether he thought it was a step in the right direction for heretics to acknowledge the
Resurrection of Christ, Mr. Johnson stated that they do it wrong and furthermore they have no
business doing anything that doesn't make his little band of Orthodoxer-than-thou rebels feel like
anything but a persecuted minority.

In response to a question as to how likely it is that the public at large would confuse members of
the Really Truly Exceedingly Orthodox Church with, say, Southern Baptists, Mr. Johnson replied
that the enemies of the True Faith are everywhere and he didn't want to continue to talk with a
reporter who is not a member of his jurisdiction. At this point the interview ended.

* Well, actually, The Onion Dome was the only publication that sent a reporter to the press
conference.

** Mr. Johnson specifically forbade use of the term “spokesperson.”

This report was filed by Onion Dome deuce reporter Marie Moffitt

Link: http://www.theoniondome.com

Common date for Easter and Orthodox Pascha: "Is outrage!" :p

I couldn't agree more. Is outrage! [and no, I am not joking.]
Incognitus

But as an Old Calendarist on the verge . . .

I found having the holidays together to be much more conducive to be much less stressful than other years.

I don't care how the Churches do it, just get it together.

The Finnish Orthodox Church celebrates the Western Paschalion system - why are Finns so much more enlightened?

Alex

Christos Voskres!
Voistinu Voskres!

Dear Alex,

They are not more enlightened, just more practical. They were granted "temporary" oikonomia to follow the Gregorian calendar in the 1920s by the Ecumenical Patriarch, because this would ensure a deal under which they became one of the TWO official state religions. Lutheranism, at 98%, Orthodoxy at 2% of the population. They receive state support as such.

Gaudior, turning out that particular light

Dear Gaudior,

Ah, yes, more practical . . .

Heaven forbid if more Eastern Christians in North America followed suit in like manner . . .

I guess I've had one too many of my religion students tell me their parents think that those who follow the new Paschalion and calendar are "garbage" and then they themselves don't attend Church on Orthodox Great Friday because "there is just no time."

Would our Lord, heaven forgive me, not count such among the class of modern Pharisees?

Alex

Christos Voskres!
Voistinu Voskres!

Dear Alex,

I think back to some approaches to this, some or all of which may be in use in your parish already.

One: Parish youth are off from school on the Western Good Friday..either plan a Lenten retreat or better still plan a community service day for them tho ready the church grounds and interior for Holy Week. One parish I know of has the youth doing the landscaping (mulching, etc.).

Two: Include in church bulletins or by separate mailings excused absence forms signed by priests explaining the significance of Good Friday to Christians and the importance of Church attendance on this day, and requesting that the bearer be excused without penalty from school, work, etc. Having these letters generally makes a great deal of difference.

Three: If Orthodox/Eastern Catholic population is significant in a town, call/write local high schools, junior high schools and make them aware of the difference in Good Friday observances well in advance (this may be best handled through school boards) and request that no exams be given on that Friday. Generally, School Boards are accommodating to such requests, as they are elected officials. I know of at least one Massachusetts town which had two of the Jewish High Holidays off from public schools due to a large Jewish population.

As far as one calendar date...fine...with you on that...the Old Calendar is fine.

Dear Church Militant - I'm with you. And I have yet to read anywhere in the Bible such texts as "Blessed are the practical . . ." or "Blessed are those who keep up-to-date . . ."
I don't demand that the whole world adopt the Julian Calendar, merely that people cease their attempts to make us give it up.

Incognitus

Dear Gaudior and Incognitus,

I'm fine with the Old Calendar!

Most of the Ukrainians I know keep it, though, for "patriotic" reasons.

To want to not keep it means that one ceases to be a true "Ukrainian patriot."

If that is ALL the old calendar means for our Churches, then I would suggest that . . . the Administrator might have something to say on that . . .(sorry, Sir, but I don't want to be called a "traitor!" ).

Alex

Dear Incognitus,

So you would insist on the Old Calendar even though this might keep people from attending Church?

You yourself must follow a completely lunar calendar!

Your view of the way our laity think is from the moon!

Alex

Christos Voskres!
Voistinu Voskes!

Dear Alex:

If following the Old Calendar would make the laity stop going to Church, then laity truly ARE space shots....

Gaudior, in despair

Dear Alex,
Khristos Voskres! I hope that I am patriotic, but I am not a Ukrainian. And I am completely unaware of any reason to suspect that the Julian Calendar keeps people from going to Church. Leaving aside the (roughly) once in seven years possibility that 6 August or 19 August will fall on a Sunday, does anyone seriously believe that people who do not attend services on 19 August will suddenly flock to Church if services are held on 6 August?
The Gregorian Calendar has a long and unenviable record of causing our Churches a great deal of trouble. Has it sanctified anybody? It has very definitely split entire Local Churches; has it advanced the prospect of Church Unity?
As for the moon, someone is looking in the wrong part of outer space. Try focusing your telescope on the stars. You then might just figure out why NASA continues to use the Julian Calendar.
yours in the Risen Lord,
Incognitus

Actually NASA and the US Naval Observatory use the Serial Day Number, aka Julian Day (not to be confused with the Julian Calendar).

The fault, dear incognitus, is not in our calendars. But in ourselves.

djs writes that the fault is not in our calendars but in ourselves. That's like the defense of Detroit that the only thing wrong with the automobile is "the nut behind the wheel". Sorry, but the Gregorian Calendar is a piece of shoddy, pseudo-scientific balderdash completely unsuited to our Typicon and, as I have already remarked, it leaves ecclesiastical havoc in its wake.
At the risk of finding myself on the Onion Dome, I might point out that martyrs of the New Calendarist yoke are not an invention of humorists; they really exist. May their prayers assist us all.
Incognitus