www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life The Christian East & West Mixed Marriages

Hi everyone,

For those of you who are in mixed marriages (ie: Catholic/Orthodox, Catholic/Protestant, Orthodox/Protestant, Eastern Catholic/Roman Catholic): have you faced a lot of difficulties in your marriage because of it? How do you handle it with the children? For instance, do you take them to Mass on Saturday night and Divine Liturgy on Sunday morning? Or did you agree to raise them in one tradition or another?

My situation is this: My husband and I are Presbyterian. But I am feeling called to the Catholic Church (though I'm confused on whether I would enter as a Roman Catholic or Eastern Catholic). He has absolutely no interest in becoming Catholic or Orthodox. My husband and I have discussed it and we both feel that we could handle the difference if it's just us. But he is worried that it would be a problem if we have children (we have none right now).

I'm hoping I can learn from some of you who might be in a similar situation (or if you know of a similar situation with another couple). And I'm hoping to hear some success stories!

If any of you have any advice or suggestions, I'd be very grateful.

God Bless!

Jenny

Jenny,

Every family is different.We began as a "mixed" marriage, (me a ByzCath convert, dh a lifelong Lutheran). Ten and a half years and one kid later, he was received into the Church.

This wasn't anything he'd planned for. I hadn't *planned* for it - this sort of thing is most definitely up to the workings of the Holy Spirit, but you may be sure that the Holy Spirit got plenty of prayerful encouragement from me.

Pray, go where your heart leads, and keep praying.

Best,

Sharon

Dear Jenny,

I once came across a group called the "Orthodox Presbyterian Church . . ."

If you MIGHT think that a low-church, more Protestant style of worship would be the thing to entice your husband, then maybe the Latin Church would be a good thing for you to become a member of.

It might be a long jump from Presbyterianism to the iconostases of the Eastern Church, I don't know.

I'm just trying to be helpful . . . God bless you!

Alex

Jenny:

Let me "second" the wonderful advice of Sharon!

and add a couple of thoughts:

- while Alex is probably correct LITURGICALLY - that is the modern Latin mass is somewhat less weird than the Byzantine Liturgy - your spouse may find that theologically and spiritualy-wise and historically, the Orthodox Tradition may be more amenable.

- though on second thought, let me recant my admission - with all due apologies to Alex.

I suspect your husband would find the modern Latin Mass "weird" too, and since weird is weird, the Byzantine Liturgy may only experienced as only marginally more weird, but not significantly more weird to make any difference.

Plus, we sing everything [and Presbys do a lot of singing].

Plus our services are not short & Calvinists have excellent "sitz-fleisch" [one of the best sermons I heard was in a Christian Reformed Church - it was on the Magnificat and took 1 hour!!!]. We both take seriously our spiritual rigour.

Theologically, as I said, he may find that Orthodox theology has an edge of Latin theology vis a vis palatability to a Presbyterian. [in fact the two were so palatable that the Ecumencial Patriarch Kyril Lukaris was distinctly Calvinist in his theology].

Forgive me for shameless plugging my own ecclesial Tradition...but since you asked...

Also I'm presuming that when you say "Eastern" you mean "Byzantine" as opposed to Syrian, Armenian, Coptic, etc.

I suspect that some Presbyterians would find more palatable e.g.: the Byzantine ecclesiology with emphasis on conciliarity [like the system of Sessions, Presbyteries, etc. in the Presby. Church]; its less "direct" relation with the Pope; its lack of indulgences and Purgatory; its approach to the veneration of the Theotokos (rather different from the Latin Church's); its understanding of the Real Presence and Eucharistic worship; its emphasis on the Epiclesis; its theological style; the fact that it has LOTS of Scripture in its services [3 readings at Vespers for Feasts, e.g.]; etc., etc., etc.

You [or/and He] might wish to read the books of Frederica Matthewes-Green, who explains Orthodoxy very, very well - especially as experienced by Protestants who did not take to us at first glance [it took her a few "glances" to "get into it"]. Try starting with: "Facing East".

Don't worry, there are many success stories!

cix

herb.

Dear Herbigny,

I'm not suggesting to anyone that they should or should not go to this Church or that!

I just suggested that PERHAPS Jenny's husband MIGHT find the Latin Mass more similar to his own Protestant spiritual/liturgical culture and therefore more palatable.

Perhaps not - I know Presbyterians and Methodists who took in the whole Byzantine tradition and loved it and who would have known?

And I would never say this or that tradition is "weird."

We're all weirdos, my friend, called to be "Fools for Christ's Sake" in this day and age!

I'm just going on the assumption that if Jenny's husband, and it's none of our business really , were to travel the path of least liturgical resistance, it would be the Novus Ordo.

As for indulgences etc., while that is part of Latin doctrine, you could be a Novus Ordo Catholic today and never even bother with them and no one would be the wiser.

There is an independent Orthodox body in the U.S. that publishes the journal "The Orthodox Catholic."

When someone joins with them, they are given liturgical options in terms of Ambrosian, Tridentine, Novus Ordo, Byzantine and other "Rites" that they have.

Ultimately, it is a matter of what one will feel comfortable with.

Jenny's husband, when all is said and done, will perhaps feel comfortable remaining a Presbyterian.

Alex

Jenny,

One of the greatest Ethiopian musicians, Mahmood Amhed, who was a Muslim married to an Orthodox woman just got Baptized into the Church in January (it was a great morale booster and the Patriarch administered the Baptism himself). Just looking at how many times similar things like this have happened I would have to say that Orthodox wives are the best missionaries! But they are missionaries by their virtue and example not by their debating skills.

Live by Prayer and example and it will not take long for your husband to notice and be influenced. Whatever you do DON'T try to get him by theological arguments or the like. I should hope that you are consulting a Priest at all times in your decision making.

Prayers and happy journey to the Apostolic Church

A. Semaet

Well my husband was PNC and I was Southern Baptist. He wouldn't go to a Baptist Church and I wouldn't go to a Catholic one. The Lord heard our prayers of asking Him to find the church home where we would both be happy, and of course we gave Him our requirements. That they had to believe in Him as the Son of God, they had to believe that the Bible was the written Word of God and so on. Kind of nieve I guess. Also that they would welcome us with open arms. And it was a battle to get him to go talk to different ministers.
We seached everywhere and finally finding St. Josephs in Toronto, OH. Speaking with Archpriest Micheal Moran for a short time one day we knew we had found our home. It was so easy once we got to where the Lord wanted us to be. So we became Ruthenian Byzantine. [this is not to say it hasn't had it's challanges]
In all of our searching we got nowhere. But when we finally gave it to the Lord, His Holy Spirit did His thing. Now it is 22 years later, my husband is a deacon canidate for the Ruthenians and we are very happy in our church home. God has allowed us to experiecne not only our culture but that of the Melkites. So we have been doubley blessed.

In Christ,
Rose

Dear Rose,

Does your parish, St. George's, have a website? I've heard that it's a wonderful parish. God bless you!

ChristTeen287

Well I really do understand - after all I am in that 'mixed' situation too. A convert to Catholicism [ a very long time after we were married ] married to a non believing man - and he's wonderful [ yeah, yeah I know he would have to be wonderful to put up with me ]

At the beginning whilst I was still an Anglican - I did try quietly to see if I could help him accept the teachings of the Church - but it made him cross - so I eventually left it alone and the more I had tried the worse things got. It put a lot of strain on our marriage and that was not a good thing.

When I converted to the Roman Church we had a long talk about it - it actually lasted most of one night and he realised that I had to do what I had to do but there was a condition - my practices were not to affect his life one little bit - I agreed .

Life as an RC was not easy - he laughed at my beliefs, he made it difficult for me to get to Church - it wasn't within easy walking distance and I could not have the car. But slowly, oh so slowly things did improve - I have the car
whenever necessary - and Church is 'necessary'.

If I am unfit to drive he will take me there - but he won't come in. He helps the sick and very severely disabled to go on Pilgrimages to Lourdes - indeed he has spent 7 weeks there with groups taking them to the Grotto, the Services etc. He takes me there now, and takes me to the Domain every day, and collects me after about 4 hours, but he won't come with me.

I am utterly convinced that my Beloved Mistress has my husband in Her care and She will, in Her time lead him to Her Son.

Where is all this leading you ask, well echoing Sharon I also say "Pray, go where your heart leads, and keep praying."

Prayer works miracles

Angela

Thank you all so much for your responses! They've given me great hope!

I can see how much prayer has worked in your lives. I will pray and follow my heart.

As far as my husband goes (in response to Alex and Herb): he is definitely low church, but he hates the Roman Catholic Church (especially the Papacy and the emphasis on Mary). I know that the Eastern Catholic Churches are in communion with Rome, but he doesn't seem to find it as objectionable (from what he knows about it...he has never been to an Eastern Catholic or Eastern Orthodox liturgy). I have told him quite a bit about the Divine Liturgy and it's readings and meanings and he seems to think it sounds pretty biblical. I think he would be happier if I became EO rather than EC. But I really do believe that communion with Rome is necessary, and I must follow my conscience.

God Bless!

Jenny

Dear Sharon,

Thank you for your response! You mentioned one child...were you raising the child Catholic or Lutheran before your husband converted?

God Bless you,

Jenny

Dear Angela,

I will ask Our Lady to keep my hubby in Her care. And I will pray for your husband, too! He has come far already.

My husband also said that if I became Catholic I was not to ever ask him to go with me to Mass/Divine Liturgy. I also agreed. But that doesn't mean I can't pray for him.


Thanks, again, to you to everyone who responded!

God Bless,

Jenny

Jenny,

We have three children now. We were married in the BC Church, and in doing so, agreed that children would be brought up BC.

Best,

Sharon

Dear Mother Sharon,

You are from British Columbia?

Alex

Dear Angela,

It is my impression your husband is already there. It is just not showing in the outward motions. One morning he will get up and say lets go to church I am ready.

Roe