www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life Prayer I need your advice and help

Dear Friends,

For some reason, some sort of "depression" has hit me.

I find it difficult to focus (and to post here - but that isn't necessarily a bad thing, as some will readily agree ).

I keep changing, oddly enough, the devotionals I wear around my neck and keep wanting to try new offices and prayers.

Further to this, I've lost my appetite for my job and want to leave for somewhere else or to get involved in something else - can't stand my employer either, even though I've known him for years.

And I feel so selfish raising this here at this time given all the suffering in New Orleans and elsewhere where people need our immediate help and prayers.

Anyway, there you have it.

A good weekend to everyone.

Alex

Professor Alex,

First, you are in my prayers.

Second, as a word of advice from a priest to you, do not change around devotionals, etc. It is a way of causing disruption to the soul. It is difficult for us to get used to new ways, but when one is in a spiritual "funk" it does not help to lift our spirits, but may contribute to the depression.

Last, you are like many of us. When we had the tragedy of Sept. 11th, I was kept busy for the first couple of days. But focusing on the news and its constant repetition only drew me into a depression. Finally on the 14th, the Feast of Exaltation of the Holy Cross, even though I was scheduled to teach, I left and went to a nearby parish and served the festal liturgy. I was immediately uplifted by the liturgy, and had resolved to cut myself away from the media over the course of time. About a year later I disconnected the TV for good. Now if I want current events, I listen to a webstream or I read a newspaper. I am no longer a slave to the media bombardment and its sensationalism that i am sure leads many to a depression.

I hope this helps you a little.

In IC XC,
Father Anthony+

Brother Alex,
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight ----Proverbs 3:5-6

With regards to your employer, as I've always maintained, my work does not dictate my life nor define who I am.

I will include you in my prayers.

Brad

Dear Alex:

No, it's a bad thing for many of us if you do not post here, even occasionally! We have been addicted to "Alexisms" (or "Romanisms") that your abrupt withdrawal would cause severe depression in many of us!

In the meantime, keep just one: a cross or a crucifix pendant! Those multiple devotionals around your neck have been known to cause conflicting loyalties and short attention spans!

I knew a man (may he rest in peace!) who fought off depression by going to the earliest Mass every morning and receiving the Holy Eucharist! I know, I know, it's a Latin thing but, if you have the Divine Liturgy daily, wouldn't you attend it, likewise?

Just some of my unscientific, but proven, prescriptions!

Amado

Alex at the moment I'm reading St John of the Cross' "Dark Night of the Soul" and you're exhibiting all the symptoms of the purgation of the senses. Rejoice! God has plans for you contemplative soul

Professor Alex,

I've been tormented by depression most of my adult life. Sometimes it seems to lessen then other times it makes life much less fascinating and appealing. I think you know what I mean. One day at a time, as they say. One day at a time.

Dan L

Hi Alex,

My first advice would be to work on an cause elimination plan:

1. Get a medical check (pretty obvious).

2. Get an environment check (is there anything new near your person, home or workplace that might be causing it. I've found that certain perfumes my wife tried have a dramatic, negative impact in my mood).

3. Get an emotional check (spouses are good at these things).

4. Get a habit check (rest, food, work, exercise, recreation, spirituality. Any changes?).

Once you have reviewed these aspects of your life, if the problem persists, then we can explore spiritual causes.

I wouldn't be so fast as to attribute a depression, however slight, to a mystical experience happening or about to happen, but that is perhaps because to me, "depression" is a loaded word. Loaded not only with dryness and sadness, but more important than that, with a tendency to inaction, not as much in the sense of docility, but in the sense of sloth.

Keep praying. We will our part as well.

Shalom,
Memo

Alex:

You've received such good advice from so many people on this thread that it's difficult to know what to say. But let me wander around a bit.

It seems to me that this is a time of testing for you. I've been there and experienced many such periods. Right now, I have been in a slump like you describe and have been there for some time. I cannot stand to look at an icon; I can't stand to pick up one of the many books here in my office--not Scripture, not Philokalia, not Desert Fathers, not anything. I went to make a visit on my way home and couldn't even pray--just starred for awhile, let my mind wander, and left. (Some guest I am; some visitor I am!!!!!) It's a struggle to pray: I asked people to pray for me in such a slump in the past couple years. (BTW, thanks to all of you who did.)

But my spiritual father of years ago is speaking to me (in my memory) from a conversation we had at one such period--one of the first. His words still ring in my ears. Stop pushing yourself. You're trying too hard. Let up. Let go and let God. Listen and don't expect anything but the silence.

God will save you. You CANNOT save yourself. All of your spiritual and religious exercises and all of your devotions WILL NOT save you. Remember what St. Sergius of Radonezh had to say: all of these things are meant to help us acquire the Holy Spirit. BUT the Spirit moves where He wills and we cannot force Him to come. He comes as He wills; not as we will. We cannot demand that the Spirit come to us just by using these acts of Christian spirituality as bait to draw Him in.

This period and this experience is meant to teach you these truths and to further strip you of the idea that what you do is so important that it is indispensable in and of itself. It is a lesson in humility. It is a lesson in becoming again like a child. A child knows little that we have learned in the spiritual journey, but he is the spiritual master over us because he trusts and he loves and he follows without question, without complaining, and without fighting God's Plan. Somehow we all get the idea that we are His partners and have some grasp of the Plan. With this delusion, we get ourselves into the sin of pride because we begin to think we know where our lives should go and how others should direct their own lives. Sometimes we even get to the point we think we know what God ought to do in a given situation.

Is it possible that what you might REALLY need is to pull back for awhile, simplify your prayer rule and life, and spend some time just being silent before the Lord? Pull back.

Someone told me recently that his spiritual father had told him to listen for the same amount of time that one spends praying. In other words, let God have the same amount of time talking to you as you do talking to Him. Something profound there. Spend some more time just listening. If He doesn�t seem to send a lightening bolt with a message attached or an angel, He might just be saying �simplify.�

So maybe that's God's message for Alex Roman at this point. He loves you just for you. You don't have to prove yourself to Him. He does hand springs when He calls you to mind and pats Himself on the back for making such a fine specimen of a man. Look at all the edifying you have done with the gifts and talents He has given you. Look at the example you have been to clergy, laymen, and to the students you have had.

Maybe all you need is a silent retreat where you just gather it all in, sort it all out, and decide where you need to focus. We can't all be all over or all things to all people. We can finally just be the people God wants us to be. As we age, we realize that God will strip us as He does all those He loves--as HE allowed His Son to be stripped. We'll lose lots of things, but we will never lose His Love.

Relax, Alex, you've offered a lot, you're worth a lot, you'll have lots of chances to offer your gifts in the future until the day when you're called. Don't burn out; burn with the love of God!!

May I suggest . . . When I was injured and on Worker's Comp for three years, I would--once in awhile--just take a day out and go somewhere that I didn't ordinarily go. Take a sack lunch, walk through a wooded area, just watch some of the leaves fall, clear your head. It was amazing to me that I could spend such a day, not do anything that I regularly did, and the whole world did not stop because of my regular contribution being absent. (See Fr. Anthony's related experience when he didn't go to teach but went to the Liturgy.) Maybe you just need to take a personal day and not tell anyone where you're going.

You're still in my prayers every day for whatever the Lord has in mind for you.

In Christ,

BOB

Alex,

If you haven't checked yet yesterday I posted a little after the fact my golden advice on "How to capture a feral kitty" on your Cat's Meow thread. It might cheer you up a little.

Something that helped me when I went through chemo (which can, of course, be a depressing time) was to watch funny movies. My doctor advised this, honestly. Something about laughter just sort of breaks through and helps lift us and heal us.

And, of course, I have a super suggestion which I do recommend faithfully to my friends who are going through the doldrums. It's Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation which is guaranteed to put a smile on one's face and bring forth a laugh from one's belly center>> especially the steam room scene with Jimmy Stewart and Marie Wilson.

However, on a more serious note..since you have said you are diabetic and this could be connected...it may be chemical and warrant a change in diet, pills, dosage or whatever your doctor would decide.

I will be praying this Psalm for you.

Psalm 40

I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire,
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God. (Ps. 40:1-3a)

Prayers from..

Porter.

Dear Friends,

I thank you all for your words of advice, advice that I am already heeding!

And feel better as a result . . .

Ciao!

Alex

Professor Alex,

It is good to see you with us again, and rest assured of our continuous prayers.

In IC XC,
Father Anthony+

Bless, Father Anthony!

Alas, I'm no professor!

And, having been back just one day, I've already angered Eliza-Mary!

So I guess I really am back to normal . . .

Alex

Well...That would be ok too!

If you don't mind I will join Porter in the 4th Psalm for you.

My son was taken from my by a woman with a forged adoption certificate when he was just three year of age, and I never saw him again for three more years. I prayed that Psalm every night without fail. It was that or die of a broken heart.

That Psalm was responsible for my return to the Church and my son's return to his worthless mother, and my vocation. I have no doubt it will help you as well.

Be of good cheer!

Blessings....Mary

Dear Orthodox Catholic-Alex, I'm not a doctor, I'm not educated, I do however, suffer from Major Depression 24/7. Theophan sounds like me! There are days I don't want to look at an icon, pick up a prayerbook, use a prayer rope etc. I agree-to pray daily is a struggle! Sometimes I merely say, the "Our Father" three times a day, in the morning, afternoon and at night! And on these times when I am "unable" (it's the only word I can think of my friends!) I sit in my backyard with incense burning and I sit and close my eyes and listen to the silence. It might help, it might not, I had no idea I did this for almost five hours this past Sunday, but my family informed me that I did. I will pray for you, everybody I know goes through this "lull in praying" and this Sunday is 11 September and I lost friends on that day!

Dear Mary,

You are one strong person of great faith who puts me to shame!

WOW! And thanks be to you and to Porter!

Russian soldiers often take a prayer card with Psalm 90 with them.

There are stories from World War I of this psalm-card stopping bullets . . .

Alex