www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall Humor

Great moments in sports from the Bible

First recorded baseball game:

Genesis 1:1a In the big inning..."

First recorded tennis match:

Moses served in the courts of pharaoh.

OK,OK, no more corny jokes from me.

Paul

Humor is the direct result of our human (God-given) ability to reason. We laugh when we see/hear things that are "unreasonable". We laugh when babies do silly things or when adults on America's Funniest Videos either do stupid things (as a result of bad choices) or when "accidents" happen (kamikazi seagulls).

Humor is a wonderful thing. It lowers blood pressure and leads to longer life. Brother Amando is right on target. We must laugh at all the silliness our human imperfections create; we would be less than what God created were we to stifle this natural instinct.

When we apply this same sense of unexpectedness or incongruence to the human realities of scriptural personages or man-made theology, we are just being ourselves. To suggest that we are being blasphemous is just not in the picture. We aren't disrespecting the Lord or His saints or anyone else. We are just finding incongruence. And laughing. Our holy father, St. Lawrence, while being burned on a large grill over the fire, commented: "Turn me over; I think I'm done on this side".

Find the humor where you can; and laugh when you can -- and help others laugh too!

Blessings!

So there was this guy who used to drink too much whenever he rode the train on business. He gets on and says to the conductor, "Look, friend. Whenever I ride, I get drunk and pass out. We're starting here in Boston and I've got to get off in Philadelphia. Please put me off there, no matter how much I complain or curse or struggle. I've got to make my meeting in Philly!"

Sure enough he drinks, passes out, and wakes up...at the end of the line in Washington! He goes up to the same conductor, who's standing on the platform talking with another conductor, and curses him out - big time! "You son of a .... you filthy...., etc. etc." And he storms away to catch a train back north.

The other conductor looks to his friend and says, "Charlie, I've been working this railroad for 26 years and I've never heard a passenger cuss at a conductor like that!" Charlie replies, "Oh, that? That was nothing. You should have heard the guy that I put off in Philly."

There are many "marginal" jokes out there and one has to be discrening in what is proper or not.

Below - is a true expereince.

I have often caught God playing jokes on me.

Just after Christmas, my wife and I found that our clothe dryer was on its last legs. I had repaired it several times in the past, but after 20 years - it was dying. We had just spent about one thousand dollars for Christmas presents. Being very close to my wife�s large Greek family - and special needs for our own kids - one thousand dollars was as low as we could go. This depleted us (as Christmas always does) and our 3 boys have their birthdays all in January and February.

Getting on in age, I found myself saying to God, in my head, �Oh� what do we do now. We need a dryer - and it will probably be the one that we grow old on and dye with. So I wouldn�t mind at all if arranged a dryer for us.� I was unaware that my wife was also, silently, making the same type of conversation with God.

Several weeks later, as I was passing the local dump - I slammed on the brakes. Obviously, someone had purchased a brand new dryer for their home and thrown out one that seemed only about ten years old and in excellent shape. Having repaired my own several times - I figured it would only cost me $60 for the parts - so I took it home and repaired it. When my wife got home, I took her downstairs and introduced her the dryer that God had given her.

While we stood there so happy with it - we could not help but notice what bad shape the washing machine was in - being right next to the new dryer. Rusting on two side - it would only be a short time before it gave out. Unintentionally, I silently said to myself �Oh - we should have prayed for a set! Now we have a decent dryer and we forgot that the washer is also on its last legs.� I was unaware that Cathy was saying the same thing in her own mind.

One month later, Cathy�s brother called us �Someone owed me money - and he paid me by giving me a brand new washer and dryer. My old set is in excellent condition and only three years old. Do you want the old ones?� Of course I said �You bet� and went down in a rented truck to bring them home.

In my cellar, now, is the repaired dryer, next to that is our current washer still working, next to that is the set her brother gave us - ready for me to install in the summer. A wall of dryers and washers!

We are not sure if we have two dryers because each of us prayed (one to answer each prayer) or if God figured that we would stop bothering him if we had a matching set. Cathy and I agreed that in the future - only one of us does the asking.

Whatever the truth may be - I am sure that God is geeting a good giggle out of watching us.

-ray

I consider myself to have a very good sense of humour. I also consider my Orthodoxy to show itself in my culture - a Christian culture. I wonder whether some people throwing about their worldly humour have heard of Christian culture, or has American consumerism dissolved it? More honourable than the cherubim, and truly more glorious than the seraphim... and the object of humour?

Shlomo Lkhoolkhoon,
I got this from Ted Krieg on the CIN EAST list two years ago. It is still funny

Poosh BaShlomo Lkhoolkhoon,
Yuhannon

*************************************************
For those on this list who have a little background in science here is a story intended as a break in our usual serious encounters.
The following is an actual exam question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following: "First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving in to Hell and the rate they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that most souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having that event take place, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

**The student received the only "A" given

My State (Arkansas) is mentioned in the Bible and is probably the only one: "Noah stood on the ark and saw land" :rolleyes:

Much much - too funny!

Thank you.

(joke - deleted out of sensitivity to others)

Cheers
-ray

Shlomo Lkhoolkhoon,

Eastern Orthodox theology in song form .... from a post on the Russian Catholic list. What do y'all think of this? :-)

Poosh BaShlomo Lkhoolkhoon,
Yuhannon
-------------------------------------------------
A new version of Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious


Um diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle urn diddle ay

Superchristological and Homoousiosis
Even though the sound of them is something quite atrocious.
You can always count on them to put an end to Gnosis;
Superchristological and Homoousiosis

Um diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle um diddle ay

Now Origen and Arius were quite a clever pair.
Immutable divinity made Logos out of air.
But then one day Saint Nicholas gave Arius a slap-
and told them if they can't recant, they ought to shut their trap!

Oh, [chorus]

One Prosopon, two Ousia are in one Hypostasis.
At Chalcedon this formula gave our faith its basis.
You can argue that you don't know what this really means,
But don't you go and try to say there's a "Physis' in between!

Oh, [chorus]

Um diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle um diddle ay

Now freedom and autonomy are something to be praised,
But when it comes to human sin, these terms must be rephrased,
For Pelagius was too confident that we could work it out--
And Augustine said *massa damnata* is what it's all about.

Oh, [chorus]

Heresies are arguments that you might find attractive,
But just remember in this case the Church is quite reactive.
So play it safe and memorize these words we sing together,
'Cause in the end you'll find, my friend, that we may live forever.

[Lyrics written by Dan ldzikowski.]

Thank you for the song!!!! :p
Thank you for sharing the song!!! :p
Thank you for this thread. :p

True story:

My daughter was in first grade and attended a Roman Catholic grade school. On Great Friday, the students under the direction of the principal, would re-enact the Stations of the Cross. An eighth grade boy would take the role of Jesus, while other students would be the centurions, the weeping women, His mother, and so on. My daughter was picked to be one of the women by the Cross, so I made her a costume according to the role and the principal's regulations. The costume was to be brought in on Monday of Great and Holy Week (so that no one would forget it on Great Friday).

After school on Monday, I asked Catherine if she had turned in her costume. She said she didn't. I asked her why not and she told me she had missed the practice. Her teacher had thought practice would be at 11:45 a.m. in the cafeteria and had sent the children out of the class at that time, but practice had been an hour earlier so the first graders missed it.

I said, "Did anyone else miss practice from the other grades?" She looked at me very seriously and said, "Jesus wasn't there, either."

BTW, she is now getting a Jesuit high school education......I LOVED that one!

My daughter's name is Sara.

When she was about 5 yrs old, one day she asked me
"Who is Sara Fimm?"

I asked her where she'd heard that name.

She said, "At church, you know the Sara Fimm and
Cherubim!"
denise

When my youngest sister was baptized, the entire family went up to the front of the church to assist with the baptism. This included my grandparents, my parents, my two other sisters, and myself.

About halfway through the ceremony, somehow a scuffle began between my two other sisters, Kate and Ellis, who were about 4 and 7 at the time, respectively. My parents tried to ignore it and stay focused on the baptism (my mind was spaced out, God knows where), but the scuffle escalated into a full out fight. Finally, Ellis smacked Kate, who fell backwards and did a complete back flip over the altar rail, much to the horror of my parents, the congregation, the pastor, and most of all, my grandmother.

Needless to say it wasn't exactly as joyful an event as was expected. My sisters were punished for quite some time.

ChristTeen287