www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall I am blown away...

We had a death in the parish this week, and the family held the wake in the traditional manner, in the Church. Last night was the wake, today is the Liturgy and Funeral...this was my first time at a Byzantine funeral and it was beautiful...I wish we could have had something like this when my own father passed away ten years ago, instead of having to bury him out of a strange parish because our own RC parish wouldn't do the Funeral Mass.

Then, our seventeen year old son volunteered to sit at the Church for a few hours this morning and chant the Psalms..so off mom goes, back to the Church at one am and I decided that I may as well stay with him. Is it possible to be both humbled by and proud of, a child at the same time? Well, that is how I felt watching and listening to my son for two hours this morning...humbled that God has trusted us with this child, this soul, and proud of our son, who a little over a year ago wasn't even sure he wanted to be an altar boy, and is now in the process of deciding if he has a vocation. Forgive a mother's ramblings, but other than Glenn, I feel like only you on this forum could possibly understand what I feel right now. I had to walk out of the Church at one point so he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes...

Yes, I am blown away this morning...and floating so high, that despite having to cook for after the funeral tomorrow...I am probably not going to be able to sleep...I'm still trying to figure out, how, with the life I had lived, God still trusted me to be the mother of such a child.

Vie

Hey Vie,

I totally understand! It is so overwhelming to your children come alive and take on the gifts and responcibilites God is giving them.

When I hear my sons sing with the readers or serve. Or make sure he is there because he thinks father will need something.

We are making meet pies at church Saturday, and my youngest son, just canceled what he had scheduled cause he would rather be at church cooking. Go figure....Only God alone can make teen boys want to be at church like this.

Rose

Strange this has come up at this point.

This morning I met a former colleague and he had to tell me that his wife [ another Angela] passed away in the early hours of Monday with her family and the Priest with her.

Her body will be received into the Church tonight - but afterwards though it rests before the Altar the church will be closed and no-one will be there. It does not seem right.

Angela's funeral Mass will be tomorrow at 10am and I will be there.

Poor Jim - he is holding up very well - it was not expected - she appeared to be responding to Chemo - but God decded to call her to Himself.

May she rest in peace.

Anhelyna

Dear Ladyhawke, that brings back memories of the first "by the book" Byzantine funeral I was at and assisted the singing of the psalms by the body, not too far removed from the age of your son. Yes, when fully celebrated the Byzantine tradition has an incredible liturgical cycle for the dead. A full and dignified passing to life eternal is the least we can do for the departed after their years of toil and faithful service.

from Diak
A heartfelt Amin

Anhelyna

I have always been struck by the completeness of the funeral services.

I have been to many other funerals not of our tradition, and felt things were lacking.

When my mother died, at her fureal, the rabbi (who hadn't visited her while she was alive) said several things about her which while I'm sure were meant in kindness, were simply untrue - and it really turned the experience sour - it seemed like a phony ritual. For the next several years, whenever I sang a funeral, it seemed like I was singing it at least partly for my mother, because she didn't get one.

Sharon
(who hopes to die some year in Bright Week, in a year when Old and New calendars are in sync...)

Anhelyna,
coming from a family that did wakes to the extreme(three days in the funeral parlor and the family there all three days), it's strange to me as well that no one would be there to sit with the body...even knowing that the person we know is not present, it still doesn't seem right to me leave them alone...when it came time for my son and I to go home this morning I hesitated because we had to lock up the church...my son laughed at me when I told him to leave the lights one so the body wouldn't be in the dark.

The funeral liturgy this morning was awesome...I can't find the words to describe it. I didn't go to the gravesite, since I was helping set up for the lunch we held afterwards, but my husband and two sons both served at the Liturgy and the site and Glenn told me it was wonderful. He especially loved the part when our priest said that the coffin would be sealed until the Second Coming...a reminder that the grave, like life in this world, is only temporary and we will all be together again.

Vie

My fourteen year old is trying to convince our Priest, who is a wonderful cook, to teach a cooking class this year...you are right...only God alone can work such wonders with teenage boys.

Vie

Sharon,
with my family I have been to both Jewish and Roman Catholic funerals, and none ever touched me the way these past two days have. Because of a mess up in our home parish, my dad was buried out of a different parish, by a priest who never knew him...(a lovely man who said that even if my father had never attended his church, my dad was still a parishioner because he was Catholic)...when I stood with my son as he chanted, I thought of my own dad then and thought that since I couldn't do this for him, I was glad to do it for my friend's dad. My son said he felt the same way...he was too young to remember his grandfathers and their passing(they died within months of each other), so he did this for a friend's grandfather instead.

My mom will also be buried by a Rabbi, who will not know her, since she hasn't practiced her faith since I was born...I expect my experience to be similiar to your own.

Vie
who has always wanted to go on Good Friday so she can be like St. Ditmas

If your priest is a good cook maybe he can make a kolyvo for the memorial services on the 40th day?

The sealing is very profound as it is usually done by the priest with the hand cross...that image of sealing with the Cross until the second coming. Before this he throws dirt in the shape of a cross upon the casket saying "The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof, the world, and all who live in it."

In the Ukrainian tradition the priest also takes the ash out of the censor mixing it with the dirt on the casket (after censing the casket one last time) saying "Earth, dust and ashes is what you are, O man, and therefore, according to the will of God, you return to the earth once again."

I agree, after one has been to a Byzantine funeral rite all the way through, Psalms at the body, Parastas, the final farewell, the rites at the cemetary, anything else seems rather short and hollow.