www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall just for a laugh

Subject: The Baptist Dog The Baptist Dog

A Baptist couple felt it important to own an equally Baptist pet, so they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in Baptist dogs, they found one they liked a lot.

When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did so in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with incredible dexterity. Impressed, they purchased the animal and went home.

That night, they had friends over. They were so proud of their new Baptist dog and his skills, that they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed and asked whether the dog could do any of the usual dog tricks as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't
thought of normal dog tricks.

"Well," they said, "let's try it out." Once more they called the dog in and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel." Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.

It was then that the couple realized they'd been deceived and defrauded. Obviously, the dog was Pentecostal.

Ba-dum-DUM!!!

Good one.


Of course, ya know the one about the group of new arrivals in heaven? St. Pete was giving them the grand tour. When they got to a certain section, he asked everyone to be very quiet. "Why?" asked one soul. St. Peter replied, "That's the ________ (fill in your favorite group, but when I first heard it it was "Baptist") section, and they think they're alone up here."


Sharon

It was the morning after the wedding at Cana and Joseph had drank a bit too much as was the custom at the time...he had a bit of a hangover and asked Mary to get him a glass of water, adding..."and whatever you do don't let the Kid near it. "

Dear Moe,

And if Moses would have seen that joke, there would have been another commandment . . .

Shalom Aleichem!

Alex

Rose I love it - keep 'em coming

I received a Master's degree at a Baptist college, so I do have some familiarity with them. For the most part, they are pretty good people, with an occasional worm in the barrel. A Baptist once told me that Catholics were going to Hell. I inquired as whether the Baptists were going to Heaven, and was informed that they were. I thanked him for the warning, and pointed out that with all those Baptists bickering and arguing in Heaven, it would be necessary to go to Hell to see some peace. And of course, given my twisted nature, I would seriously mess with them at every opportunity. A Baptist asked if a seat in the recital hall was saved. I said, "yes, if it has been baptized." I got a really strange look over that one! And of course, there is the old joke about planting your yard in Baptist grass - once in grass, always in grass.

Thanks ya'll,

Maybe we need to keep a place for humor here. We get too serious to often. I think Jesus likes to laugh too.

I was raised Baptist and love the people.

I love your jokes!

Rose

Ok, ok. A tad disrespectful, but this was going around when I was in seminary.

The Lord was speaking with His disciples and the women when the woman who was caught in adultery was about to be stoned. The Lord said: "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." At that point, a rock went whizzing past His head and struck the woman. The Lord looked up and said: "Mother, please!".

(Note: This does NOT work outside of Catholic and Orthodox communities. They don't understand.)

Blessings!

that's hallarious

hehehe

Actually that cannot show the enormous grin . I have not heard most of these before [ perhaps I have been moving in the wrong circles] - shows I need educating

Let the education continue -- oooh please do

Angela

Dear Angela,

Here's one for your notebooks . . .

An Orthodox Jewish Rabbi wanted to know what his son was probably going to become when he grew up.

He decided to place a prayerbook, a bottle of wine and a wallet full of money on a table and then hid himself behind a curtain.

He thought that if his son came by and picked up the prayerbook, he'd become a Rabbi like himself.

If his son picked up the wallet, he'd be a secular businessman.

And if he took the wine, he'd probably become a no-good drunkard.

As he kept his vigil, his son appeared and began to eye the items on the table in the room.

Turning this way and that, the son grabbed the wallet, and the prayerbook and the bottle of wine and quickly left the room.

The distraught father came from behind the curtain holding his face in his hands and crying, "Oy vey! Oy vey! A Catholic priest!"

Alex

Wonderful - truly wonderful.

I wonder if you have any idea of the size of the Jewish Community here ? They even have their own Primary School!

That one is definitely for the notebook - and I will remember to pass it on in mixed company

Dear Angela,

Then here's another one . . .

A Jewish father sent his son, who was doing poorly in school, to a Catholic school.

His colleagues berated him for this, saying his son would soon lose his Jewish identity. He would even forget "Yom Kippur on the fifth."

The distraught father then quickly wired his son with this brief admonition, "Don't forget Yom Kippur on the fifth!"

What the son wired back truly perplexed the father.

He wrote, "Dad, I know nothing about horse-racing. But if you want to put some money for me on Yom Kippur in the fifth, I'll say three 'Hail Mary's' for you!"

Alex

Ow my well padded ribs are hurting

Please, please, keep them coming! Oh, I'm getting a ab work out just reading these!