www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall just for a laugh

Dear Mikey,

O.K., Big Guy, here's yet another one, but you have to know the two-fold Ukie meaning of the word "egg."

In the good old days in Austro-Hungarian Ukraine, it was sometimes common for village folk to bring a food item to "pay the priest" for their confession.

One Ukie farm-boy brought some eggs from the hen-house for his payment.

As he kept them in his trouser pockets, he soon realized that the eggs would break when he knelt down in the confessional (O.K. it was a Latinism, friends, get over it ).

He then placed them in the two pockets of his shirt just as he was about to enter the church.

He then made his confession and the priest told him to strike his breast to say the Prayer of the Publican as he was about to receive the Epitimia-Absolution.

The farm-boy forgot about the fact that he had eggs in his shirt pockets and these broke into a terrible mess as he struck himself in the chest with his clinched fist . . .

"Arghhh," he cried, "My eggs. . ."

"Hit yourself higher, you idiot," the priest was heard to reply . . .

Alex

[ 08-08-2002: Message edited by: Orthodox Catholic ]

Oh -- can they get any worse ?

Alex - how many more of them have you got ??

ooops sorry about the double post - and I never noticed <blushing furiously>

[ 08-09-2002: Message edited by: Our Lady's slave of love ]

Mikey Stilts wrote....
Please, please, keep them coming! Oh, I'm getting a ab work out just reading these! <<<<<

What a hoot, you guys got anymore! I totally agree with Mikey. :p

>>> A man very much distraught went to his rabbi and said: "Rabbi, It's my son. He left home to go out into the world. And he came back a Christian!" The rabbi said: "Oy, funny you should mention that. My son, too, went off into the world and returned a Christian." So, the two men agreed to pray to God for guidance. They turned their faces heavenward and the rabbi said: "O God, our sons left their homes and went into the world, only to return as Christians." Almost instantly a voice came from heaven saying: "Oy, funny you should mention that."

>>> How many Byzantine (Ruthenians) does it take to change a light bulb?

...Don't know yet. We're still waiting for Rome to give us permission to change the bulb.

>>> How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?

... Five. One to change the bulb and the other four to complain about the new one and talk about how good the old one was. (You have to be a former Prot. to get that one.)

[ 08-09-2002: Message edited by: moncobyz ]

Also...

>>> What do you get when you cross a Unitarian with a white supremist?

...Someone who'd burn a question mark on your lawn.


>>> Satan was showing a new arrival around Hell one day when they came upon groups of people off to themselves. The newbie asked Satan who these groups of people were. Satan said: "Those over there are the Methodists who snuck out and went to dances or played cards. Over there, those are the Catholics. They are here because they ate meat on Fridays. And those people over there, they are Baptists. They partook of the fruit of the vine."

"And who are those rather well-dressed people over there?" the newbie said.

"Oh," said Satan, "those are the Episcopalians. They used the wrong fork at dinner."

">>> How many Byzantine (Ruthenians) does it take to change a light bulb?
...Don't know yet. We're still waiting for Rome to give us permission to change the bulb."

LOL! And when they do, those instructions will either be ignored for decades before being being put into action because no Ruthenian can agree on how to screw in a lightbulb or how to interpret those instructions or some Ruthenians will re-invent the lightbulb to make it look close as possible to the one T. Edison came up with while still others will cry out how beautiful and natural looking the old burnt out lightbulb was.

[ 08-09-2002: Message edited by: J Thur ]

How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb? None. The bulb was predestined to fail and is therefore lost.

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? It depends. If it is on the outside of a load bearing wall, it may be the responsibility of the grounds committee. However, if it is on the inside of the wall, it is the responsibility of the cleaning committe. If it is on the inside of the auditorium, it becomes the responsibility of the sanctuary committee. If it is in the pastor's office it is the responsibility of the administrative committee...

Then there is the story of the dyslexic African who wants to come to America for religious freedom - he just wants to be free to worship his Dog in peace.

you guys are too much!

My grin seems to be lasting for ever

This thread is the best ever - I can see it will become a permament Feature.[ Admin are you reading ?] Who'd a thought it.

Let the education continue

Angela

[ 08-10-2002: Message edited by: Our Lady's slave of love ]

The local Baptist Pastor was away on vacation for several weeks when one of the members of his congregation passed away. No other Baptist preacher could be reached to do the funeral service. A congregation member called the local Catholic rectory and asked the priest if he might be able to perform the funeral for the deceased Baptist. The priest decided that he should first ask his bishop. The priest called his bishop and said: "Bishop, this is Father Joe from St. Mary's. Can I bury a Baptist?" The bishop responded "Bury as many as you can"!
Silouan :rolleyes:

I read this joke in an synodal Orthodox Church Bullitin so go ahead and enjoy.
There was a bus load of Grannies (Babuski) coming back from a Pilgrimage when unfortunatly the bus had an accident and everyone was killed (Ok bear with me it gets better). They were all recieved by St Peter in heaven. St Peter explained that since so many of them came to heaven all at once they were not prepared to recieve them. He was wondering if they would mind bunking in Hell untill everything was made ready. They said Ok so St Peter makes a call to the Devil and everything is set up. A couple of days later, St Peter recieves a call. It is the Devil, "St Peter" The Devil says you have to speed up preparations up in heaven, And Why ? " asks St Peter. Its those grannies. Ever since they arrived they decieded that they would raise money to air condidtion Hell and they have been having pirohy sales bake sales and other money raising activities and they are about $100 dollars short of their goal which should be reached today"

A sort of a nice tribute I think, If anyone could do it the grannies can

Oh boy - I am going to have to save all these - though it leaves me with a BIG problem - will my RC friends here understand them - thanks to all of you I get most of them - and they are brilliant.

Another one:
Q. How do we know that Adam and Eve were Mennonite?
A. Who else would be alone in a garden with a naked woman and be tempted by a piece of fruit?