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Dec 29th, 2019
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Joined: May 2002
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How many Byzantine Ukrainian does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know... Could be the moment to return at our tradition ...Maybe a candle? 
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My fmaily is asleep and i am trying not to bust out laughing out loud. You guys are a riot. Keep up the good work. And I like the candle idea 
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A recent comment on "incredible abuses" reminded me of this story about credible ones.
An young Baptist minister was talking to a much older one about religious practices and asked him if he believed in infant baptism.
The older man looked at him closely and said, "Yes I most certainly do".
The younger man was shocked.
And the older one continued:
"Not only that, I've even seen it done!"
djs
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A rancher walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of Budweiser and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a mug goes flat after I
draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The rancher replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin, and I'm here in Texas. When we all left
home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each o'my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The rancher becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders just two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The rancher looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains,
"It's just that my wife had us join the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking...Hasn't affected my brothers though."
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Joined: Jan 2002
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Here is one that a friend sent...
- - - - - - - - - - -
ONE VERSION OF GENESIS:
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he would give him a companion and it would be a woman.
He said,"This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed.
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg."
Adam said "What can I get for just a rib?"
The rest is history.
THE 'OTHER' VERSION WE DIDN'T LEARN:
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of fruit."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a 'man', Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and ..."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well. But, you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
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A little one was shipped off to Sunday School, as usual.
At the end of the Sunday School and the regular service, the parents picked up the little one and headed for the car.
The parents asked the little one about what happened that day in Sunday School. The child said it was very nice and that they learned a new hymn about a bear. Being good, Bible-believing Christians, they searched their memories for instances of bears in the Bible. They couldn't recall any instance of a bear in the Bible. They gently questioned the child and she responded: the bear had a name and it was Gladly. They asked, and what was special about this bear. The child responded that the bear was cross-eyed. The parents were completely perplexed. They finally asked the child to sing the hymn.
The little one responded: "Gladly, the cross I'd bear."
Blessings! (And chuckles!!)
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BIBLE QUIZ
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. What was the greatest female financier in the
Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant
lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always
overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
KEEP SMILING!!!! GOD LOVES YOU BUNCHES AND BUNCHES!!!!
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Joe,
That is funny. Too much.
Dr. John,
That is cute.
Thanks for sharing your humor.
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There is only one State mentioned in the Bible: Alraksas. "Noah stood on the Ark and Saw Land"
Silouan (yes, I live in Arkansas) :rolleyes:
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Posts: 26,317 Likes: 21
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Bless me a sinner, Venerable Father!
And I guess your state capital is also mentioned when David slew Goliath with a "Little Rock."
Alex
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Why Parents Go Grey!
>Subject: Why parents get gray
>
>
>> The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
>urgent
>> problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home
>phone number
>> and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello?"
>>
>> "Is your daddy home?", he asked.
>>
>> "Yes", whispered the small voice.
>>
>> "May I talk with him?"
>>
>> To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
>>
>> Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"
>>
>> "Yes", came the answer.
>>
>> "May I talk with her?"
>>
>> Again the small voice whispered, "No."
>>
>> Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
>asked, "Is
>> anybody else there?" the boss asked the child.
>>
>> "Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."
>>
>> Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked
>"May I
>> speak with the policeman?"
>>
>> "No, he's busy", whispered the child.
>>
>> "Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
>>
>> "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.
>>
>> Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
>helicopter
>> through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
>>
>> "A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
>>
>> "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
>>
>> In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just
>landed the
>> hello-copper."
>>
>> Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss
>asked,
>> "What are they searching for?"
>>
>> Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:
>> "ME"
>>
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That was GREAT!!!
Blessings!
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Joined: Nov 2001
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too much!
thanks for sharing your humour
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