www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall Christian Humour

Subject: Christian Humor

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to
her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable
in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments"
answered the lady.
========
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning,
Lord,"and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good
Lord, it's morning."
========
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because
he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put
a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block
10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our
trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer
along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't
give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to
his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we
have enough money to pay for our new building program.
The bad news is,
it's still out there in your pockets."
========
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.
The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because
attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.
Caution: Do not step
in exhaust."
========
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and
girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an
artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the
teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
========
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a
long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many
cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant
pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay.
It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a
long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same
in my business."
========
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center
of attention.
========
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know
what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean,
you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy,
Daddy." the young boy replied excitedly, "It stands for 'Basic
Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
========
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson
was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your
quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.
Later in the day
the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's
Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is
coming."
========
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask
the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for
repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that
the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at
the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently.
"But, you'll have
to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the
finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers
and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as
much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge
$100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist
played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became
the regular organist!

hehehe

Those are so cute Alice, thanks for sharing them. :p :rolleyes:

Alice,

I love it

Many years,

Neil

After helping with the making of the pierogi at St. Nicholas Church one weekday, the old widow Mrs. Czysysnski walked up the stairs from the church hall in the basement to pray a Rosary before her daugher came to pick her up and take her home.

She found her favorite pew, knelt down, bowed her head in prayer and began. As she got to the first decade, she held onto the bead and started praying, "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee...", when Jesus appeared and sat down in the pew behind her. Mrs. Czysysnski heard a voice say, "Marya, this is Jesus Christ". Mrs. Czysysnski continued to pray.

Once more she heard Jesus say, "Marya, this is Jesus Christ." Again, Mrs. Czysysnski continued with her Rosary.

Jesus said to her once more, "Marya, it's Jesus Christ." Wherupon, Mrs. Czysysnski stopped praying her Rosary, turned around and said in a loud voice -
"BE QUIET! I�m talking to your mother!"

LOL!

only one possible response to that



sorry - that's eight - I never could count

Anhelyna

:p :rolleyes: That is so funny!