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Dec 29th, 2019
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The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully
Served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for one of his aides to come near.
"Yes father" said the aide. "I would really like to see Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton before I die", whispered the priest.
"I'll see what I can do, father" replied the aide.
The aide sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon
the word arrived. Kennedy and Clinton would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they went to the hospital, Clinton commented to Kennedy, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images after the number the Republicans have done on us."
Kennedy couldn't help but agree. When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Kennedy's hand in his right hand and Clinton's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.
Finally Senator Kennedy spoke "Father, of all the people you could have
chosen; why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"
The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life
After our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." "Amen" said Kennedy. "Amen" said Clinton.
The old priest continued, "He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same."
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remember, Ray, that not all on here are Republicans!!!
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You don't have to be republican to laugh at this joke.
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Catholic Gyoza Member
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Catholic Gyoza Member
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 C'mon Ray! Tell us another one!
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AthanasiusTheLesser Member
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AthanasiusTheLesser Member
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If only Richard Nixon were still alive, and the dying priest could have made a far more fitting choice of Nixon and George W. Bush, the current liar-in-chief.
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I thought it was funnier in its original form with the traditional lawyer, doctor, banker, and IRS agent types of stand-ins.
One that always gives me a chuckle:
A blind man with a seeing eye dog walks into a church. He starts swinging his dog in a circle. The head usher says, "What are you doing?" The blind man says, "Just looking around."
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A blind man with a seeing eye dog walks into a church. He starts swinging his dog in a circle. The head usher says, "What are you doing?" The blind man says, "Just looking around."
ROFL
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Profiting from Mistakes
"Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" a parishioner asked his priest.
"Definitely not," was the priest's answer.
"Are you absolutely certain?"
"Yes, my son, absolutely."
"Okay. In that case, I wonder if you'd mind returning that $125 I gave you for marrying me last year?"
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Administrator Member
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A rabbi, a priest and a minister have their houses of worship side by side, so they decide to carpool.
On the first day, the other two are shocked to see the pastor lay hands on the hood and pray silently.
"What are you doing?" the priest asks.
The pastor looks up. "I'm just dedicating the car to the Lord's service."
"Good idea! Be right back!" the priest exclaims, running into his church. He emerges with a bulb on a short stick, shaking water out of it onto the car.
The rabbi stares. "What are you doing?" he says.
"I'm consecrating it with holy water," the priest replies.
"Great idea!" the rabbi says, and runs into his synagogue's toolshed. He emerges with a hacksaw and takes off an inch of the tailpipe.
Everyone baptized into Christ should pass progressively through all the stages of Christ's own life, for in baptism he receives the power so to progress, and through the commandments he can discover and learn how to accomplish such progression. - Saint Gregory of Sinai
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Hmmm...Father Anthony: I had to read that twice to get it! :rolleyes: Naughty, naughty... :p :p :p Consider this a warning to behave!!!  Alice, one of your Town Hall Moderators  (JUST teasing, by the way)
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I never do jokes (because I'm so bad at them), but I was looking for a greeting card tonight and came across this: Monks were tediously but lovingly producing copies of sacred text in the scriptorium when a visitor arrived. He watched, fascinated, as they dipped the quills in the inkpots and copied manuscripts onto parchment. The monk in charge of the scriptorium asked if the visitor had any questions. "Only one, it seems that they are copying from copies. Would it not be better and more accurate to copy from the originals?" The monk mused over this and admitted that it would, but assured the visitor that the copies were true to the originals. "I'll retrieve an original and chek it against the copies; that will reassure us both", he told the visitor. A short while later, the visitor found the monk, head in hands, sobbing, an ancient text and a copy side-by-side in front of him. "What's wrong?" he asked. The monk looked up, his voice breaking, as he pointed to a word, and croaked out "all these years - celebrate, celebrate - they forgot the R". (Ok, Ok, pretend it's not also mis-spelled )
"One day all our ethnic traits ... will have disappeared. Time itself is seeing to this. And so we can not think of our communities as ethnic parishes, ... unless we wish to assure the death of our community."
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BANNED active
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BANNED active
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The old Cossack was on his apparent death bed, when he smelled the best peroghi, varenniki and bread wafting to his bed. Empowered by the delicious smells he marshalls all his energy and sits up in bed, then, finds his strength to get to his feet and actually makes it to the kitchen. There he sees his old wife has made the most glorious array of Ukrainian delicases. As he reaches out to take a peroghi, she whirls about and smacks his hand. Surprised and disappointed at the same time , he asks why he can't have at least one. No, she says , sternly, it's for the funeral. Who's?, he asks. Why... yours, of course!
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Old one, but good one.
Thanks for the laugh.
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As the great G K Chesterton put it: 'A million women stood up for their rights and declared "We will not be dictated to". And then they went out and became stenographers.'
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