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Christ is in our midst!!

Brothers and sisters:

My daughter-in-law is having a faith crisis. Her grandmother died this year and the way her family was treated by the parish priest has caused a lot of problems.

Grandmother was a life-long member of her parish. She died in a nursing home where she'd been for a couple years. The funeral director called the parish office on Easter Sunday but did not receive a call back from the pastor (or any of several assistant priests) until Tuesday. The pastor informed the funeral director that "there was nothing available on the parish schedule for a funeral for the next three weeks." And he didn't call the family members directly at any time then or thereafter.

An uncle (of my daughter-in-law) called his priest and there was a brief service held in the funeral home. No one has explained why this priest could not have a Funeral Mass in his parish church--something common in my professional practice--and I don't want to delve into a very deep wound.

I listened to this story without comment because I felt she needed an ear, because I was dumbounded, and because I've never had this experience in over 45 years of professional practice. Aside from offering sympathy, I don't know aht else to say. I've never had people refused by one parish church and then not able to have a Funeral Mass in another. (I just learned about this over this weekend.)

Help.

Bob

That's a sad story. I had a relative who didn't have a funeral Mass because he was buried on Good Friday, but other than that kind of situation, this story is fairly shocking, if we have all the details correct.

Prayers for all involved.

Prayers and maybe a letter to the bishop. If it happened to them, it has happened to others.

"nothing available on the parish schedule for a funeral for the next three weeks." ????

Apparently, in this parish one must schedule one's death. Sure, it could be done, but it's rather at odds with divine law.

Bob,

I'm with Rose on this one - a letter to the bishop is definitely in order. What was done is inexcusable even from a standpoint of civility; from a pastoral standpoint, it's a mockery of the entire notion of providing for one's flock.

Many years,

Neil

Marriages and funerals are a time of the joy of Faith, or sorrow and loss of Faith, unfortunately. I've heard similar stories. Priests, Eastern and Western, have rules to follow regarding who gets buried in the Church and who has services in the funeral home. Sometimes respect for the human person and surviving family is not considered.

I don't condone Grandmother's parish priest's actions, but "a life-long member" vary from someone who attended every service to someone who was baptised and rarely entered the church afterwards. Another consideration is that perhaps the parish priest was recently assigned and didn't know any family members because they didn't currently attend.

Many details are lacking; however in Christian charity, an appropriate service should have been celebrated and the person's soul should have been prayed for.

Christ is in our midst!!

Each of you has confirmed my own suspicions with this situation. I'm a bit too close to ask these questions, but you are right that there are pieces missing in this puzzle.

I'd have to know if Grandma "disappeared" from parish records when she entered the nursing home and no one bothered to alert her pastor. The fact that no other family members seem to be members of the parish might also have had some part in this.

Another factor may be that Grandma's family missed asking for her to have regular pastoral care in the nursing home. In the jurisdiction this took place, a note from the priest who provided pastoral care to the parish priest would have indicated that she was entitled to a Funeral Mass. When I interned in that area, that was a big thing to track down and get from one priest to another.

The "booked up" thing sounds to me more like they'd asked for a meal to be served in their parish hall and that would make sense it could have been unavailable for three weeks--maybe used for school lunches.

People are very upset--angry, in denial, etc.--in grieving and often get the message more distorted than usual when it passes from one person to another.

Thanks.

Bob

This kind of abusive behaviour by Catholic (and Orthodox) nomenklatura is far more common than most good (yet naive) people might think.

It's an example of why so many lapsed Catholics/Orthodox people absolutely HATE their respective Churches.

A very wise priest once told me, "Ya ain't been hurt till ya been hurt by the Church."

Something like this is why my mother rejects Church and God and also why I am personally so ambivalent toward Church and God.

These kind of situations probably cannot be repaired in this life. Some alienations simply cannot be overcome. The damage done is sometimes permanent.

Too bad. So sad.

sielos -

But isn't this a perfect example of where forgiveness must come into the picture, even though the wound may still be raw? Isn't it at the very heart of the Christian faith? Forgiveness is healing and also it is letting go. The permanent damage of which you speak is often times due to the "never letting go" the willful holding on to the hurt, the injustice. As Christians we have to be moving forward, not looking behind us even though there is so much there to catch our eye, we must be moving and looking forward, seeking the face of God.

Our Lord, in His agony upon the Holy Cross, prayed "Father forgive them, they know not what they do" all the while it was being done unto Him. We must try, try hard to follow Him and do as He has shown us.

Sometimes it takes considerable time and prayer, but we must do this for everything depends on it, to the hope and the promise of our salvation.

Holding on to the hurt is like walking down the street, looking at the ground and seeing the trash in the gutter, the wind blown debris and everything dirty and cast down - "this city is a dirty place" you might say to yourself. Forgiveness is like looking up toward the Heavens and seeing what and Who is there - "how beautiful" we might say.

We hear the words "go in peace" when our sins are forgiven. They are so powerful. Think about what it does to us. What if we chose to live our whole lives that way?

Rybak, I agree with everything you said. Thanks for going to the trouble of posting your wise insights.


But what if the hurt won't let go of YOU?

I went to confession & the priest said, "Do you want to forgive these people?" and I replied, "Yes, I do." To which he replied, "Then God counts it as forgiveness. But remember, you may have to re-forgive them 50 times a day. And forget about forgive and forget. You have to want to forgive but forgetting may be impossible."

So I pray for these people (by the way, they DID most certainly know what they were doing) and light candles in church, for their well-being. And I continue to struggle to forgive them, like the confessor said, 50 times a day. Sometimes it takes more than that!

sielos:

Christ is in our midst!!

Do you remember what Our Lord told St. Peter when he asked about forgiveness? We are not to forgive seven times, but seventy times seven times--which in the context of the day meant an indefinite number of times; ongoing as your wise confessor suggested.

Bob

Ah, yes indeed. I do remember that particular passage in the Gospel. It challenges me to a kind of podvig.

Among other things, however, I also recall a statement attributed to the late President Kennedy: "Forgive your enemies but remember their names."

Makes sense to me.