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Friends,

This week Father presents a wonderful program on Prayer. It is excellent.

Next week he is interviewing our youth group. That's the one I'm really looking forward to. Our youth are phenomenal. I can hardly wait.

Listen to "Light of the East" on 820 AM on Sundays at 11:30 a.m. or to the streaming version on our website www.byzantinecatholic.com [byzantinecatholic.com] radio.

I posted this on the Byzanteen forum, but suspect most who aren't teens avoid that area. I would like to discuss ministry with teens and this seems as good a jumping off point as any.

I wonder if we can discern why many teens leave the BCC and if there are ways to encourage teens in ministry so the flow can come into the Church instead of out of the Church? I have some ideas based upon the work being done at Annunciation but would like to hear from you.

CDL

Doesn't any other parish have a ministry with youth about which you'd like to converse?

Dan L

I have been wondering whether the BCC or the Orthodox have any summer retreat adventures for teens that anyone might recommend. It seems I saw something like this quite a while back. Right now I can't remember the source. East coast scenarios would be best. I have been praying for my son to find a deeper sense of the God's presence. Some well-meaning adolescent friends might be key here.

Any suggestions?

Peace of Christ,
Tammy

Our youth went to San Diego last year. I don't know what their plans are for the coming summer. I'll forward your request.

DanL

Tammy,

I don't remember where you're located in respect to Holy Transfiguration Melkite parish, only that you've mentioned being familiar with it. I believe that Father Joe has a NAMY [melkite.org] (National Association of Melkite Youth) chapter there. If it's a reasonable distance, you may want to check it out.

Most NAMY chapters have a variety of functions over the course of the summer, sometimes more than at other times of year when kids might be too wrapped up in school events to participate. In my experience, membership in most chapters is not limited to youths whose families are members of the parish.

If there are Orthodox Churches in your area:

• the Antiochians sponsor SOYO [antiochian.org] (Society of Orthodox Youth Organization - yep, awkward name - renamed to avoid confusion with the Syrian Orthodox counterpart)
• the Syriacs sponsor SOAYO [soayo.com] (Syrian Orthodox Archdiocesan Youth Organization - above comment applies in the obverse )
• the Greeks sponsor GOYA [goarch.org] (Greek Orthodox Youth Association)
  Syrian Orthodox Youth Organization)

All of these are excellent and run a variety of programs on both local and larger levels. I'm not sure whether they're open to youth whose families aren't members of the particular parish or Church (and that may vary parish to parish). I do know that there have, in years past, been times and places where membership in these organizations has been open to others.

Many years,

Neil

Many thanks for your replies. I am going to look into the program at Holy Transfiguration for starters. My 15 year old son is having a very difficult time of it...adolescence, "cool" syndrome, just plain defiance. If we don't find a solution, we may end up having to seek other assistance.

I keep remembering that he has always made the sign of the Cross, in the Eastern way. Even as a very young RC in Catholic school, he did the opposite of his peers. I have never corrected him. I like it his way!

The Holy Theotokos has always had her hand on him. From very early on, I knew this was true. It is a very great source of hope for his future. Though his days seem very dismal right now. Please add your prayers for Matthew.

Peace to all of you,
Tammy

The Antiochians have a wonderful retreat center in Pennsylvainia. It is a summer camp with cabins and all.

The Melkites have a wonderful youth program as Neil stated. All of our kids have been a part of it, and every year after retreat, there was a definate growth in them spiritually.

This is funny, out of nowhere it seems a picture showed up of our youngest son standing in front of Saedna Raya. This must have been at convention. It is funny Nathaniel is a head taller than he is, yet it seems as though Archbishop Raya is looking him straight in the eyes. It is a powerful picture to me, so it must have been a powerful discussion from the intesity of the picture.

The Ruthenians have a good youth program too. With excellent retreats. Our kids especially enjoyed the pilgrimage and the youth retreat there.

Dan is there a link for the program on prayer. That has been a good discussion going on now. You might want to add it to the discussion.

Also, as far as kids leaving. I think that has a lot to do with their catachesis. They have to not only have the technical stuff taught to them, they must truly live it. Not just in word, but in action. When they act upon their beliefs, they may get detoured for a while, but they will return home. We see that a lot here on this forum.

Pani Rose

Tammy,

Prayers for Matthew, that he and you survive the years of adolescence with as little trauma as possible on both sides. I know that sounds a bit flip for a prayer intention, but I think it is a realistic one.

My oldest son, who will be 26 in a couple of months, went through a stage much as you describe. While looking through some old photos at Christmas, he asked his Mom why we had ever allowed him to dye his hair (varying shades of blue and green ) - and not merely get his ears pierced, but festoon them with some sort of large accoutrements reminiscent of old National Geographic photos of tribal peoples. Her answer to him was "There were a lot of worse things you could have done, but you didn't." And, it's true.

At the time when he set out on this course, I reminded his Mom of advice that she gave me when I was fighting daily with our oldest - an extremely stubborn 2 year old at the time (and losing more often than I was winning :rolleyes: ). Her advice - that I pick my battles. That was the tack we took with our son and, from all appearances it worked. Offhand, I think the only vestigial remnant of the era of rebellion is his nickname - still spelled Timm, rather than Tim. He's a respectful, loving, reasonably religious young man, who has an apartment and nice friends, is in his 8th year at a good job where he is very respected and has advanced, has never used drugs, doesn't smoke, usually serves as the "designated driver", is extremely close to and protective of all his sibs - especially my two little ones, and is literally "good to animals and old people" . I am very proud of him and regret only that he hasn't gone back to finish college after the proverbial "taking off for just a semester" - 6 years ago .

We did nothing heroic or magical. We prayed; we did pick our battles, choosing not to fight the faddish items that we didn't see as dangerous - even if they were silly or ridiculous, instead intervening only when we had real concerns about his spirituality or safety. We endured monosyllabic conversation, outrageous music, odd (though deep) poetry, and all kinds of quirkiness - always letting him know we were available and that we loved him unconditionally - a love that he returned without reservation.

By chance, we discovered a rather novel solution to invoke whenever things seemed a bit on edge. We'd bundle everyone into the car and take a quick jaunt to visit either a grandaunt in a nursing home or another grandaunt and granduncle at home. All were unabashed Timmophiles and delighted in nothing so much as seeing him - even in green hair, earrings, and t-shirt commemorative of some punk rock group. The rebellious issues of the moment would fade into the background as he devoted himself to instead meeting their needs of the moment, repairs, errands, telling them about school and life in general, and occasionally attempting to gently shock their sensibilities - which was his favorite pastime with us, as well (though not always as gently ). As he puts it now, "how boring is life, if you can't try and get a reaction from people? "

Pray and don't sweat the small stuff. If you are going to go head to head, limit it to things that are truly important - not those that merely reflect an individuality a bit different than your priorities. He will test you and he may very well "yank your chain" - because he wants to see your reaction and have a laugh - laugh with him if you indeed look silly . Encourage without intruding; it is important to be a part of his life without trying to live it for him. It is possible to be a parent and a friend, there are times for each, but always be available for him, whichever it is that he needs at that moment. In looking back at this paragraph, I suppose some will see it as flush with cliches, but that wasn't my intent - I believe what I wrote.

Sorry for the long-windedness. I will pray for Matthew and you, as I'm sure others will also. A good friend of mine here had an unsettling situation involving one of her sons some months back that resolved itself very favorably, I suspect in some measure due to the prayers of our members.

Many years,

Neil, who didn't realize he had so many opinions on rearing teenagers

My three oldest sons (18, 17, and 14) have been going to Camp Come Alive (Byzantine Ruthenian) in the Poconos every year for the past several years. I think it always comes right on time, when we can't stand each other anymore. The camp usually starts with some discussion of the importance of a good confession, then confessions, then a service of some kind. The guys always come home feeling strengthened in their faith - and maybe missing their family a little bit.
I also worked out a deal with my sons who didn't want to go to church twice a week with me. They could pick which day they would go, but they had to be altar server that day. Two chose Wed (the reluctant ones), and two chose Saturday night (we share our priest, no Sunday Liturgy). Being on the altar, behind the iconostasis, has to have some effect on a kid. One, who has been "difficult" at times, now is there very Wednesday. He is more respectful and reverent when serving than at any other time, ever. Also, he recently took a job, but told them he could not work on Wednesdays.

The radio broadcasts can all be found at www.byzantinecatholic.com [byzantinecatholic.com] click on "radio" then click on the date. The discussion on prayer is dated January 2. The interview with our teens will be January 9 and will come up on the website January 10.

Dan L

To all of you, I am so thankful for your input and prayers. I really believe this forum has had a changing effect on many situations through the prayers of its members. THANKS for all of yours.

Neil, your insights are a treasure. If I have learned one thing from parenting, it is that we can not control our children when they don't want to be controlled. We try to choose battles with him. But he is digging deeper at every turn. We have had a couple of run ins with the law. I never expected this. I am the type to run back to the cashier with an extra quarter if she gave me too much change. My son is now beginning to walk out of stores with expensive items in his pockets, which we must later return to the manager. We have had the police confront and warn him. The heart of the matter is what disturbs me. That a child can will to do wrong, and seemingly be without remorse and repeat the action the following week. Mother of God, have mercy on us all, and may your Son enlighten us.

Tammy

Our youngest son did something really stupid with some friends, however, he was the only one that got in trouble for it. But, right after, I mean maybe two weeks, was the Boy Scout trip to the Northren Teir. We talked about what we should do and decided to go ahead and send him, especially since it had all been paid for and was not a cheap trip. Oh my it was such a blessing, how God had put that in place a wonderful perscription to help heal a problem. Let me tell you canoeing and portaging 60 miles across the Canadian Wilderness does wonders for young men. Then right after that was the NAMY retreat, his first year going. I have to say he was definately a changed person. Thanks be to God, we didn't have anymore trouble, and he is now 20. He changed his friendships and that made all the difference in the world too.

Pani Rose

Pani Rose,

I believe you must be the voice of wisdom, present with us here. Thanks for the encouragement.

Tammy

I saw this topic too late, but hope we can resuscitate it because I have 2 teenagers and it IS challenging to keep them focused and on the right track. Here in the Van Nuys diocese we have annual summer and winter (over New Years) retreats/rallies which are hosted by different parishes each time. We get about 30-70 teens and it is a wonderful experience. Each retreat has a theme and reflects the host church's area. Our biggest drawback is our diocese is so spread out (Alaska to New Mexico) that the retreats tend to get regionalized (i.e., this year's winter retreat was attended by only the 3 Arizona churches and one youth from San Diego). It truly is a wonderful opportunity for the teens to come together and socialize with other ByzanTEENs. We are always looking for ways to keep our kids coming to church ... so ... keep the ideas coming!

I encourage you to go to our website www.byzantinecatholic.com [byzantinecatholic.com] click on radio and go to January 9 and click it on for an interiew with our teens.

dan l