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Dear Friends,

During a discussion on this yesterday, one lady from the parish said that when she goes to confession, she ONLY confesses in this way:

"Father, I confess to you my every-day sins."

And the priest then gives her absolution . . .

How would you respond to this?

Alex

Alex,

Are you saying that the statement you cite was her ENTIRE confession? Or that is prefaces it, hence leaving out infrequent transgressions. Either way sounds incredibly minimalist to me. Why even bother going to confession?

Oh well, it can't beat some of the wackiness I have been exposed to at RC reconcilation services. At one the congregation was told to simply "recall" their sins privately in their thoughts. After an appropriate silence, the priest announced absolution. At another we had to write down one (and ONLY one) of our sins on a slip of paper, process to the front of church and place the paper in a ceramic pot to be burned with incense. Following that, general absolution. Another time the people were given rocks to hold. They were jagged stones and the priest instructed us to feel your stone while a lay reader guided us through a "examination of conscience" that focused on mainly PC "sins" such as failure to recycle, etc. Nothing about lying, lust, greed, etc. Then another procession to the front to exchange you rock [i.e. stony heart] for a red felt heart [i.e. "heart of flesh"]. General absolution followed.

Even though the old pre-Vatican II, Baltimore catechism method of giving an integral confession was a bit formulaic ("how many kinds, and how many times") it seems to me that there should be something more to the sacrament than what is found in all the above experiences.

Confession is really the forgotten sacrament. It has really mystified me that if this sacrament is an encounter with our merciful Lord and Savior, why is it that so many treat it as the spiritual equivalent of root canal work? Best to get it over quickly with the least bother or pain.

Granted the old dread & guilt of previous eras was a bit over the top, but IMHO the fluffiness factor witnessed today is hardly any improvement!

PAX

I am stunned, I agonize over my infrequent confessions. For me they have been like spiritual root canals. I would hope that this developes into a good long thread on proper form and mental disposition during confession.

I hope that we hear from some of the great spiritual directors we have come to know, love, and trust that frequent this forum.

I must be doing something wrong.

Michael, sinner

Dear Michael,

What I meant by my comment on some looking upon confession as being similar to a 'root canal' is that it is seen as a necessary obligation rather than an encounter with a God who loves us. It does not mean we shouldn't have deep contrition for our sins - but more to the point, why do we have that "godly sorrow"?

The traditional Catholic distinction between perfect and imperfect contrition might be helpful here. Imperfect contrition is regret for sin because of punishment that will result from our transgressions, which ultimately is separation from God in Hell. Perfect contrition is sorrow for sin because we have offended a generous & caring God that deserves all our love and devotion.

Now if one looks at the root canal analogy, where is the relational aspect that one has as when you experience perfect contrition? I don't know of anyone who goes to get a root canal because they feel regret that they haven't heeded the instructions of their dentist on proper teeth care! No we submit ourselves to that procedure because we don't want to experience the consequences of ignoring the condition of our teeth. If we could avoid the process we would. If we can lessen it with pain-killers or drugs, we gladly consent. See the difference? One focuses purely on the self, whereas the other is in regard to the other.

Think about it.

PAX

Hmm, Br Elias's post brings back memories of another thread on the topic of General Absolution a wee while back.

Our Parish was very guilty of having Services of Reconciliation with General Absolution. Now however that is forbidden - the Holy Father has decreed that General Absolution may only be given under certain very strict guidelines [ time of war etc]. And thankfully our Archbishop has emphasised this to our Priests.

Now all Services of Communal Reconciliation have individual Confession and Absolution - occasionally the Penance is Communal [ particularly at Christmas -when we help a Parish in a very poor area and ensure that all there receive Christmas presents]

However our Services do have an Examination of Conscience read by a member of the Liturgy Group and it is always based on the Commandments or the Beatitudes and can be very pointed Two of our Group write very good [ ie they make you thinks very hard about your actions - are they sins ?] examinations and many people are obviously pretty uncomfortable as they go to one of the 10 Priests to confess.

Having said all that - I meet with my Spiritual Director on Friday for the first time in almost 6 months - Confession is going to be painful - the number and kind type - but oh the joy I will feel afterwards

Your prayerful support on Friday [ morning for you , afternoon for me ] would be appreciated.

Anhelyna - the great sinner

Dear brother Benedictine,
I think I get your point, actually when I made the root canal analogy I had not seen your post and I was not commenting on the spirit or content of your words. The use of the analogy was a total coincidence (amazing!) and I was referring to the difficulty I have approaching the sacrament. I have never done a communal reconciliation and I cannot see how people can confront themselves in a group (although I have confessed face-to-face, I find it easier). Being a Latin I have not availed myself of the opportunity to confess using the Byzantine practice.

What stunned me was the simplicity and brevity of the first mentioned confession.

I labor under the “Baltimore Catechism” style of confession. I hate it, I really do and it's all I know. I approach the confessional great trepidation. I just wish some priest would say “slow down, take a deep breath, God loves you and everything will be alright” but instead the whole process seems so mechanical. In dog, out sausage! Maybe I need a course in “remedial confession”.

I have more books and pamphlets on how to make a good confession than I should admit to. They come in all shapes and sizes with varying prayers and wording and I read them, search my heart, approach the confessional with my knees knocking and my mind goes blank. All I get is tears.

With love, and utmost respect, in Christ Jesus,
Michael, sinner

Dear Friends,

So far, something tells me that lady's method of confession leaves something to be desired . . .

How should we confess?

What makes for a good confession, remembering there are those who can go overboard the other way?

Alex

An underlying issue is this:

Do we understand confession to be primarily restorative or both therapeutic and restorative?

The answer to this impinges upon the frequency of confession and the types of things confessed.

If restorative, then one confesses (hopefully infrequently, if ever) sins that put one out of communion. Confession may lead to immediate absolution or absolution after a period of pennance.

If therapeutic and restorative, the abovestated is true but there is also the need to have frequent confession for the purpose of developing an ongoing spiritual counsel or guidance.

The differences in practice tend to diverge along the Greco-Mediterranean vs. Slavo-Russian lines. The practice also tends to diverge along the lines of non-monastic and monastic.

These have been my studies and observations.

In Christ,
Andrew.

I think the "laundry list" examinations of conscience may be helpful in some way, but to me it comes down to an evaluation of relationships.

Relationship with God

Relationship with others

Relationship with family

Relationship with self.

Sin disconnects us. Confession reconciles us. It's all about relationship - oh and the power inherent in being able to call your demons by name.

Sharon

Dear Br Elias
Dear Michael, sinner
Dear Alex
Dear Sharon

Abbot Leo, whom Br. Elias knows was at our church unday to say Liturgy and while he was here we asked him to talk to our Sunday school students about Confession, being Lent and all.

So, Michael, I wish you had had a chance to hear him. He assured us that we should never be scared of God. After all, Jesus taught us to call him Father -- Abba -- Poppa -- Daddy. Also, in the Eastern mystery, the priest ends with a prayer that includes a line "and I, too, a sinner"... to remind us that the priest also sins. So he knows how difficult it is to confess. He's in the same boat. Don't be afraid.
You are simply going to the doctor to become healthy again.

Abbot Leo said to sit in church for about 10 or 15 minutes before confession and think about what your sins are. He said whatever comes to mind is probably what you do need to talk about with the priest. Abbot Leo went over the 10 Commandments, which are good rules for everyone to get along with their neighbor. Think relationships, like Sharon said

Alex,
an Orthodox lady at my work place said she converted to Orthodoxy 35 years ago when she married an Orthodox man. In the old days, she said everyone went to confession every week, before Liturgy. But she said all it entailed was the priest asking if you were sorry for your sins. "Yes". Then he'd give absolution. NO laundry list at all. When I told here we had to think about what particular sins we had committed and name them specifically, she was surprised. She said she had never had to do that. I guess if every one were to go to confession every week the priest would not have much time to spend with an individual, and going weekly might keep you on your toes (not sinning).

denise

Thank you, posters, for your comments on this holy sacrament.
May we all benefit from the grace of confession, and thus, all who are around us ... that's a lot of people!

More thoughts about this topic that I think ,if we are honest ,is one that fills us all with a degree of apprehension as we approach our Confessor.

I have gone through agonies [ still do ] avoided it , 'chickened out at the last minute' - you know the sort of thing , talked and talked about it with Fr John and still had/have problems.

I cannot use a confessional [ stlightly claustrophobic] and always go 'face to face'. I have been known to take an Icon of Christ with me so I can concentrate on Him who I have hurt [ and this lets me 'ignore' the priest to whom I am confessing]

One thing that I would pass on from Fr John :-

"When you go to the Doctor do you tell him the diagnosis ? No - you tell him the symptoms - all of them whether they seem connected or not. Now just tell me all the symptoms - I'll make the diagnosis and tell you what treatment is required and give you the prescription."

Dear Reader Andrew,

Just a note to say how much I admired your analysis.

You would make an excellent priest and I would not hesitate to approach you frequently, even as my spiritual Father, in confession.

(Are you going to be a priest? I hope so!)

Alex

Dear Our Lady's Slave:
I love your Fr. John's insight!

Yes, to be honest, I too delay, delay, delay, and delude myself. My poor priest has seen a lot of tears.
denise

Dear Friends,

For me, it is crucial to have a priest that I know and can confide in - and who knows me.

I used to confess to priests who were my university profs and high school teachers.

But now I have a regular confessor.

And I believe in "laying it all out" to him, my thoughts behind my sinful actions, for example, my intentions, and when I'm not sure, I give him the worst case scenario and tell him I'm not confident I didn't intend that too . . .

I think Reader Andrew's comment about confession being "therapeutic" is very important here.

I have an Orthodox icon of a man confessing before a Priest.

All manner of poisonous snakes come out of his mouth as he confesses, and as his spiritual Father looks happily on.

What has been said here is mirrored in my experience and this is why I think I have felt this way about confession.

I believed that almost any sinful thought or feeling, or what I thought was so, was enough to bar me from Communion - I would make sure I'd go to Confession as closely to Communion as possible . . .

The experience of Confession in a "stall" which some of our churches, unfortunately, have and where the priest sits as judge over you is simply a harrowing one. Unless one had a good priest . . .

Sometimes it is the style of conversation of the priest that causes friction.

After confessing, I don't mind saying, "sexual sins," one priest once took a full half-hour+ to explain to me the proper way to arouse one's wife (!).

(Yes, he was married with six children.)

Believe me, when I left confession that day, I looked up toward the Holy Altar and wondered if I shouldn't go to confession to another priest right away!

I think there is a childish sense of "purity" that one goes for in confession. Rather than focus on feelings, we should focus on understanding why and under what circumstances we commit repeat sins.

And we should focus on the Jesus Prayer - primarily because it underscores our sinfulness in our minds, a sinfulness that confession doesn't remove (just the sins committed). To think we are pure and holy when we leave confession, as I often did, is to set oneself up for immediate falls afterwards.

This is the sin of pride of believing we are holy independently of Divine Grace. When we leave confession, we should keep our minds focused on the Jesus Prayer which is an exercise in humility and dependence on the Grace of the Lord Jesus.

I came to realize that this is how the evil one tripped me up after each Confession.

It was Alexander Schmemann, I believe, who gave the teaching on proper dispositions here.

He said that the words "Holy things for the Holy" are sung, what that phrase begs is "Who is truly Holy?"

And the answer comes immediately following: One is Holy, One is the Lord, Jesus Christ to the Glory of God the Father!

We become holy not by tensing up our stomachs to avoid feeling even the most involuntary movement of the passions etc.

We become holy through participating in the Body of Christ, sharing in the holiness of Him Who is its Source.

Confession should always be a therapeutive experience, as Reader Andrew said.

Alex