www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life Parish Life & Evangelization Where have all the children gone?

Slava Isusu Christu!

In many of our threads, we discuss the overall aging of our parishes, and methods and best practices to evangelize and increase our parishes through increased membership.

Yesterday, as I was reflecting on this (after liturgy), I wondered where are all the children of our parishioners? And their children? In our particular case, a lot of the congregation moved from the north to retire, so it is natural that the kids are up north, but are they attending Divine Liturgy?

We have wonderful ladies with six or seven children, and like 20 grandchildren. Where are they? One family tree would fill a quarter of our church. Four would fill the pews full.

Is the first step getting the kids back in church? Should we focus on the family?

Sorry for the ramblin'.

In Christ,

Michael

Get rid of some of the pews and you will have more room for children. Ours sit on the floor or go from one icon to another to kiss it or get loving instruction from the adults. We have more children than you can shake a stick at though of couse we would not wish to shake sticks at them. By actually including the children and their families by not confining them to pews we actually have children and their families.

CDL

Dear CDL,

We do not have the children here.
Pews are not an issue yet. (that is another thread)

We need the children to attend!

Michael

Agreed - where are the youngsters ?

My Parish was full at Christmas - never seen it like that before [ well I've only been going through since November ]

Normally we have around 40 present - and of those about 4 are children , there are some under 30 and the rest are a good bit older.

Now Christmas - lots of children , lots of younger adults , in fact lots of folk. I expect a good number were visiting families for the Feast - the lady beside me was thankful I had my Book with me [ bi-lingual ] as she admitted she had forgotten some of the Liturgy !! Mind you her responses were in Ukrainian and she used it to speak with her children.

So where are all these folk attending each week ?

How much will it cost your church to make room for them should they actually come. When you develop a truly Eastern worship space don't be surprised if it changes the way you worship which will in turn inspire you to invite families which will in turn inspire families to come. When they come they will see a place that is family friendly, as they say, and you will be worshipping in a more Eastern way. They are indeed connected.

CDL

Can't speak for the rest of the country/world, but here in the Phoenix metropolitan area ... the teens are at the RC churches! Two churches I know (and have visited) have a Sunday 6pm teen mass with close to 1,000 (mostly) teens present weekly at each! Where are we "failing" in the Eastern churches? Under a different thread I wrote that having been to 3 RC college campuses over the last 6 months, in each of the adminsitration offices no one knew what I was talking about when inquired about an Eastern liturgy on campus! Why aren't we reaching out more at the college level?

Excellent point! I make a field trip to my Church mandatory for all my Theology classes at the University and give extra credit for such a visit for all of my Comparative Religion Classes at a secular college at which I teach. Your idea is inspiring me to do more. Father has also conducted liturgy on several ocassions at the University of Illinois.

Several members of our Church are among the founding group of Transfiguration College. Pray for them.

Nevertheless, I think there is a good deal more that can be done. Perhaps that will be a niche I can fill.

Where have all the children gone? It is an interesting question that I work with daily. So far, the posts have looked at the church side to the question and now I will like to flip the question around. What are our families doing to make the Church at home?

It is quite interesting that the parents want their children to be brought up and continue in the faith, but what are they doing to foster this? Are they making prayer a part of their daily lives as a family? Do they have a home church or icon corner and use it? Do they read the scripture as a family and learn from it? Are they involved in the activities of their parish or is it something of an afterthought for a Sunday or feast day. Finally, do they practice the life we are called to, or is that only a Sunday thing?

I bring these questions to mind only because we constantly hear the question that started this thread. Any growth in the church starts first with the home and the family. Those that are not fostered in the faith at home can not be expected to carry the faith into their adult lives. I hope that we can now hear some constructive thoughts and ideas on how we can foster raising and hopefully keeping our children coming to our churches.

Just some thoughts.

In IC XC,
Father Anthony+

Dan

It's all very well really having a go at that stage BUT we have to work at it lower down the age scale .

Yes your Church may have young children - but others don't.

Do you all [ not just you and Fr Tom , Dan ] have really good education for your kids whilst they are at Schools - if you make them disinterested at that age - you have lost them.

This is why the RC Church set up it's much vaunted Life-Teen programme - though that has now been regarded as a problem thanks to messing about with Liturgy to attract youngsters.

This area needs to be worked on at many different levels

Thank YOU Abouna Anthony! and AMEN!!!

I can remember our children, little and tired, coming home from Holy Week services asking why. Why do they have to do this and that, it was too much they said. Today they will tell me the anwer, and I have heard them tell others. It is because "we walk Christ's Passion with him."

Parents want to candy coat life with Christ and make it easy - life with Christ is nothing but 'easy'. But as I see them standing the storms of their young years they are firmly planted by grace to Him and in Him who feeds them. They are not tossed about with fears, but instead have a confidence that their dad and I could only have dreamed of having.

If we plant our children, letting them know this is what is expected of them, they will stay. This is Jesus present to them on the Altar, and ever present in the Eucharist who stays there waiting, the Word of God brought forth to us in Scripture, and the Holy Spirit ever guiding our steps, they will stay.

We as parents are the first teachers of the faith. Sayedna Raya of blessed memory, said his mother sang God's praises from the time she found out she was having him, and he was baptised on the day he was born(I bleive I remember that correctly). There has to be a sence of urgency in our faith - it has to be important - it has to be first, GOD HAS TO BE FIRST IN OUR LIVES! We must love God before our spouse, children, parents, or anyone else, then our love for them will be in perfect place. It is not that we beat our children over the head with God, but it is that we love them into the Kingdom of God. The Our Father says - Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth and it is in heaven - Jesus loved us into the Kingdom of God. We enter the tomb of Baptism and we are ressurected with Christ, then we as Christian parents must be willing to live the Kingdom which Christ bought for us - which dwells inside each of us - as though we are living in Heaven. The day is now, the time is now, there is no tomorrow, raise our kids up in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it.

CHRIST IN OUR MIDST!
pani rose

Yesterday our attendance at Divine Liturgy was 81. That is 41 adults and 40 children. Most of the children are from families that have travelled to the East from the Latin Church. Not disgruntled RC's, but faithfilled Catholics who have found a spiritual home in the East. We follow the teachings of the Church, we do not contracept, several of us are homeschooling and trying to live our faith on a daily basis.
The culture in our country is not conducive to living life "in the church". We are trying something different, and hopefully it will keep our children in the church.

I dont think pews/no pews makes that much difference. I think that whether a family tries to make God and worship a priority is what makes the difference. Fr Anthony and others that say the family needs to step up to the plate are correct.

Once a child leaves the church,meaning either becomes disinterested or physically stops attending, it is much harder to get them back.

And of course, unless the moms and dads encourage vocations, forget it, all the "vocations programs" and icons in the world wont fill the need that the Church has.

Just my thoughts.

I just spotted this on the Orthodox vs Catholic differences thread , and make no apologies for posting it here - it seems to have a great degree of relevance
and then Porter's response
I have emphasised parts of both statements.

OK so there we have it - we have to start at an early age - in the home - the Domestic Church.

So how do we do it - are there sufficient really high class materials ? Are they of a standard to really inspire children to want to learn more. Are they such that adults will find their own beliefs challenged in this teaching of their children.

Is this teaching then followed on in Church - here I'm talking about formal education of groups of Children , is the teaching sufficiently stimulating ? And do children and young people see it as relevant to them and their situation in life.

As well as all this - there has to be something offered for young adults and older adults too.

Surely education is preparation for life and therefore it never stops.

To wait till these young people get to University or College is far too late. Yes there you can possibly draw in those who know nothing - but it helps then to have the example of young people secure in their beliefs , and who practice them and witness to all.

OK - I'll get off my soap box now

Anhelyna who wants to see young people in Church

Fr. Anthony has hit the nail on the head. While I am one of the biggest pew-bashers around (sometimes literally), that is not the only solution nor focus. I know plenty of RC parishes and Orthodox parishes that have pews and plenty of kids as well.

The authentic space of worship, heaven on earth, no doubt must be there. But Fr. Anthony has made the most crucial point. It MUST start with the domestic church. Parishes are comprised of and extensions of the domestic churches.

If we cannot unite our families in our home worship, gathered in love and truly Christian community before the home icons, centering all of our daily lives on Christ, looking to His Mother and Saints for inspiration and intercession, it is simply folly to assume it will happen at the parish. And it has to be lived out as well in the family relationships, otherwise the kids will immediately pick up on dualism and hypocracy.

At Vespers this Saturday night past, I and one other man were the only persons over 40 there. The rest were primarily teens.
FDD

Don't forget, many of the kids are nonexistent. When Catholics finally hold true to their Orthodox Faith and quit using artificial contraception, then we will have Churches full of kids! Some couples are unable to bear any children or only a few children however when such a high percentage of Catholics have only 2 kids hmmmmm I wonder why.
Likewise, we may have cable t.v., cell phones, and get new cars every few years meanwhile in even the richest of countries there are orphanages. These orphanages contain kids that could be used to fill our Churches. By filling these kids with love, rather than our wordly lives with gadgets, WE CAN fill our Churches. Evangelazation by Procreation is a powerful weapon. Until we abandon sinful sexual practices and properly care for our widows and orphans we have no right to complain. So you married people, after Pascha you've got to.......

Evangelazation by Procreation is a powerful weapon.

Well that is how the Muslims are taking over Europe. Many of the countries there are at zero population growth, except in the Muslim families. So in that respect there is no one to blame for the lack of children outside of ourselves.

We were only able to have three and we so treasure them, now with a grandbaby, I tell my oldest have as many as God will grant you. He will make the provisions and the way, don't be afraid of what you are to eat or drink, if God takes care of the birds of the air, he will provide for you.

We look to oursleves too much and not to the Almighty God!

Vocations - yes, I know of a young man who wanted to be a priest, his father became so angry he refused to let him attend church, took his computer away, his Bible, anything that had to do with God, then refused to talk to his son. So...I pray the young many will still answer his call after he graduates from college.

We would have loved for either of ours sons to be priest, but to no avial for now.
Pani Rose