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What funny

Oh my gosh! The jokes get funnier and funnier.

Of course there's the true one:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman were sitting around in the pub. A fly lands in the Englishman's beer. He looks disgusted and asks the barman for a new pint.

A fly then lands in the Scotman's beer, whereupon he gently removes the fly and continues to drink his beer.

A third fly lands in the Irishman's beer. He pulls the fly out by its wings and shouts: "Spit it out!"


WAAAAAAAAAY too much time in Irish pubs...

an Irishman and a pig were in the gutter when a priest walked by and said: one is known by the company one keeps. so the pig got up and walked away.
O'Toole took the temperance pledge and was for a long time faithful at the meetings. well, he slacked off and was absent from the temperance meetings for a long time. so a couple of members came by to check on O'Toole. the wife answers the door and the first member asks: does Mr. O'Toole live here?. the wife says: shure and he does, jist carry him on in.
Much Love,
Jonn
whose last name is Mulry.

This one I'll admit is tasteless, but it's just a joke, so please don't get offended (too much, or else it won't be funny). I like it because the Irish guys are NOT drunk or in a pub, and it pokes fun at Italians, which so rarely happens in ethnic jokes.

If any of this helps, I did a masters thesis on ethnic and regional humor, so I know most of these jokes because I play music 5-30 hours a week in Irish pubs around the East Coast; and because I'm a scientist.

Anyway:


Two Irishmen are walking through Central Park and come upon an Italian gentleman playing the hurdy gurdy. They notice he's got a little monkey running around, holding out a silver cup, soliciting donations.

Seamus and Patrick look at each other, neither being overly fond of Italians, then return to watching this spectacle. However, when the monkey comes to them, Seamus puts a $20 bill in the cup.

Patrick says, "Seamus... what'er you doin'? I thought you hated the Eye-talians!"

Seamus responds, "Yeah Paddy I do. But the Lord knows you can't take it out on the children."

hey! whattsamatter for you, eh?
I have two Italian half brothers, and just because one looks a little simian does not give you the right to insult Italians! Giotti might put a bomb in you house!
Much Love,
Jonn
who upon calling the half brother a guinea, was treated to being called a mick.oh, well, the Native in us makes us both halfbreeds, I suppose.

I grew up on Eastern PA where a popular pastime is "what's your last name?" ... "oh, so you're a mick/polack/kraut" and the list goes on.

I met a guy from California in New York. He told me his name was like O'Donnell I think. I said, automatically, "oh, you're Irish." He said, "I don't know." I then repeated, "you're Irish, at least someone on your dad's side was at one point."

He told me that the "ethnic background" game we LOVE here in Eastern US isn't as popular in the West.

Too bad for them!

So a Catholic priest and a Protestant minister were driving in Ireland and had a head-on collision. The priest rushed out of his vehicle over the to Protestant minister's car.

"Are you ok, Reverend?" asked the priest.

"Why yes thank you, Father. I think I'm alright," said the minister.

"Are you sure now? You look a bit distressed. Can I offer you some water?" said the priest.

"That would be very kind of you, Father," said the minister.

So the priest took out a flask from his jacket, opened it and handed it to the minister. The minister began to gulp the contents of the flask...and then quickly sprayed them out all over himself.

"Father, that's not water, that's alcohol!" said the minister.

"Well what do you know about that," the priest muttered, and then turning to his right said:

"Why hellooooo there Officer MacGilicuddy!"

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.

"Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."

"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"

It's spelled Sean.

Fr. Paddy is driving around a shopping center's parking lot looking for a parking place. He says in prayer if God will get him a parking space, he'll give up cheating at cards. Nothing opens up.

He says if God will get him a parking place, he will give up telling off-color jokes on poker night. Again, nothing happens.

Finally, he shakes his head in recognition and promises if God gets him a parking space, he will give up his whiskey.

At that moment, the clouds part, a car pulls out in front of him, and a ray of golden sunlight falls upon the empty space.

Fr. Paddy smiles, turns his eyes up to Heaven and says, "Never mind; I found one me'self."

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Western Orthodoxy Blog [westernorthodox.blogspot.com]

Here's one of my favorite Irish jokes:

A few decades ago, when there was major unemployment in Ieland, this Paddy sailed off to England, in hopes of finding a job. On arrival in London, he noticed a building site with a large HELP WANTED sign. "Ah, that's for me!" he thought, and sought out the foreman, so as to apply for the job.

The newly-arrived Paddy looked as thick as two planks, so the foreman said "well, Paddy, thank you for applying, but we really need men with good intelligence for this work." Paddy replied "ah, then I'm your man, sir, I've got very good intelligence."

"No doubt", said the foreman. "But Paddy, we need men with good education as well . . ." Paddy answers "ah, sir, I've got fine education, I have."

"Well", said the foreman, "this is a complicated building site. Could you tell me, Paddy, the difference between a joist and a girder?"

"Ah, sir, sure now, that's easy. Joyce wrote Julius Caesar and Goethe wrote Faust."

An tAth. Serge

"What did Saint Stanislaus say to Saint Patrick?"

"Whatever happened to Irish jokes?"

What's the largest Polish monument in America?

The Staszu Liberty, of course!

any bohunk jokes?
Much Love,
Jonn