www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall Irish Jokes

a Ruthenian goes into a pizza parlor and orders a pizza. the dude at the counter says: do you want that cut in six pieces or eight? the Ruthenian says: better cut it in six pieces, I don't think that I can eat eight.
as far as Irish restaraunts go; what is the definition of a seven course Irish dinner? a boiled potato and a six pack.
Much Love,
Jonn

Dear John,

The jokes are funny. I hope everyone keeps posting them. We can all use a good laugh.

God Bless,

Zenovia

Yeah, many of us survive this crazy and cruel world with them Irish and Polish jokes!

Especially as cracked inimitably by Irish and/or Poles, or vice versa!

Keep 'em coming, lads!

I've eaten in ALL of Pittsburgh's Irish restaurants. The food's pretty good, actually. Irish cuisine can be downright amazing; or it can really really stink. But what I wouldn't give for a Ulster Fry after a night of Guinness in Donegal!

I learned how to use chopstix at a restaraunt called "Estrella Del Cielo", back in 1978. it served Chinese and Cuban food, and located in the upper seventies on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. something political, may be?good food, comrades, and washed it down with vermouth.
Much Love,
Jonn

"I've tried tamales and shish kabob,
but I prefer corn on the cob!"

I still want what you were going to feed those Jehovah Witness missionaries, dude!
Much Love,
Jonn
whoops! I meant FATHER dude.

Michael Hoolihan was courting Frances Phelan. The young couple sat in the parlor of the girl's house night after night, much to the annoyance of old man Phelan.

One night he couldn"t take any more. Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled down,

"What's that young fella doin' here all hours of the night?"

"Why, Dad, " said Frances, "Michael was just telling me everything that's in his heart!"

"Well, next time, " roared Phelan, "just let him tell you what's in his head, and it won't take half as long!"

Then there was the American tourist with the hired car in County Fermanagh. As hired cars are sometimes wont to do, this one suddenly stopped and declined to start again in what appeared to be the middle of nowhere.

The American tourist cried out loud with frustration. A great brown horse, grazing in a field over there, heard the outcry and ambled through the field to the road to look the situation over. The horse said to the American tourist "Would you ever open the bonnet and give us a wee look?"

Perhaps unaccustomed to the accent of equine discourse in County Fermanagh, the American tourist screamed "WHO SAID THAT?" Patiently the horse repeated his request: "Would you ever open the bonnet and give us a wee look?"

Tembling with fear, the American tourist opened the hood. The horse stuck his nose close to the motor and looked for a moment. Then the horse said to the American tourist: "Ye've a green wire in such a place, and a red wire in such another place. If you give them each a tug, I think you'll find that at least one, and perhaps both, have worked loose, and that could be the problem."

The American tourist, still trembling with shock, tried the two wires and found that, indeed, both wires had worked loose. Very patiently the horse told him "Now open the boot, get out the tool kit, take such a wrench, make sure the wires are properly connected, and tighten the nuts with the wrench."

The American tourist did so. The horse, still patient, told the American tourist "Now. Put the wrench back in the tool kit, the tool kit back in the boot, close the boot, close the bonnet, and try the key in the car; I think you'll find that the car will start."

Still in a state of shock, the American tourist did as he was bidden and, lo and behold, the car started. The American tourist drove straight into Maguiresbridge, right up to the pub, leapt out of the car, ran into the pub, and ordered a triple Irish. He threw that back in nothing flat, and said to the barman "Give me another!" and threw the second drink back. He again said to the barman "give me another!". The barman replied "Mister, it's a little early in the day for this yoke, and you seem a bit shaken up. Is everthing all right?"

The American tourist said "You'll never believe me - just give me a drink!" Taking pity on the American tourist, the barman poured him a drink and said "Now give us a try. Tell us what happened; we might believe you at that!"

The American tourist said: "My car broke down on that road, three miles east of here - and a great brown horse came walking through the field and told me how to fix the car!"

The barman said "Aye - it was such a road?"

"YES!" screamed the tourist!

"Aye." said the barman. "And it was three miles to the east?"

"YES!" screamed the tourist!

"Aye." said the barman. "And it was a great brown horse who told you how to fix the car?"

"YES!" screamed the tourist!

"Aye." said the barman. "Well, you know, you might have done worse."

"I might have done worse?" said the American tourist. "Just what do you mean?"

"Well," said the barman, "three miles west along that same road you'll find a great black horse, but he knows absolutely nothing about cars."

An tAth. Brian

That is BRILLIANT

Thanks Father

Glad you enjoyed.

Fr. Serge