www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life Prayer Married w/ children...but attracted to other men

Not sure if this is really the right forum for this or not, but I really need your prayers and will return the favor.

Since I was in 6th or 7th grade - basically since I was aware of any kind of sexual orientation - I have found myself more attracted to those of my own sex.

I dearly love my wife and kids, but frequently find myself fantasizing about what my life would be like if I had simply "come out of the closet" before I met and married my wife. But then God brings me back to reality and I realize that I could very well not have survived to reach my current age - 50 - because of AIDS, hepatitis, etc.

I've read that some homosexually-oriented men have found some comfort through friendships - obviously platonic - with straight men who are accepting and supportive of their struggle with same-sex attractions and who share other interests with them. In my case, that would be a shared interest in the Faith, reading, cars, planes, train and mechanical things in general, etc.

I am in constant prayer that God would lift this cross from me, but fear I have not grown one whit in the Lord since I became a "born-again" Christian over 30 years ago and a Catholic almost 10 years ago.

I find myself in a Jekyll / Hyde situation when it comes to my sexuality. I find myself giving in and exploring "inappropriate" material on the Net, but after I confess these sins it seems I truly feel God's forgiving grace. Later, I slip back into my Hyde role and have to go right back to confession. I'm in "fear and trembling" wondering when God will have had enough of my presumption of His mercy.

I have yet to find a "permanent" spiritual father / director / confessor. I do have a Roman Catholic priest who has heard my confessions frequently, but have no Byzantine priest close enough to my work location to allow me to seek guidance on a regular basis during my lunch hour or after work.

Can someone help me with more than just prayer? If you're another guy in my same predicament, you can always remain anonymous by shooting me a private message. Same goes for you straight guys or gals who don't hate men with homosexual tendencies and maybe have a man friend who shares my affliction.

Thank you and God Bless you all....

NEMO

Nemo!

PM sent.

MUCH LOVE!!!

Brian (Seraphim)

Nemo,

Prayers for the peace that you seek in your life.

In IC XC,
Father Anthony+

PM received and reply sent, Brian. I appreciate your kindness more than you'll ever know!

And heartfelt thanks to you as well, Fr. Anthony.

You both - as well as the rest of the Forum - are in my prayers.

May God go with all of you always....

NEMO

Nemo,

Thanks for your courage to post about your honest struggles with your affective orientation. Men in particular seem destined to struggle from time to time with issues related to sexuality. The crisis of fatherhood and the pervasiveness of readily-accessible internet pornography seem to accentuate these issues, whatever one's orientation.

Although I do not personally struggle with an attraction to homosexual behavior, I know and have known several men who do. It is possible to remain faithful to your Catholic faith and family despite the struggle. In fact, the struggle can become in a very real sense your "glory" since it is a cross that can sanctify.

In the interest of supporting my friends and associates who struggle with homosexuality, I purchased two books that may be of interest to you.

One is The Battle for Normailty: A Guide for (Self) Therapy for Homosexuality by Gerard van den Aardweg, PH.D. published by Ignatius Press. Another is Setting Love in Order: Hope and Healing for the Homosexual by Mario Bergner published by Baker. Healing the Masculine Soul by Gordon Dalbey (published by Word Publishing) is also an excellent resource to affirm our vocation as men in Christ.

Anyway, I don't mean to throw a bunch of books at you as a solution. Obviously nothing is quite so simple. But know that you have brothers here on the forum who will support and pray for you through this struggle.

Peace and all good,

Gordo

PS; One thought - St. Nicodemus of the Holy Mountain wrote a solution for dealing with issues related to the passions. He used the idea of the serpent in the jar as an analogy. The serpent represents addictive sin and the jar with several openings represnts the person's body (with its senses - the "openings") and soul. If you feed the serpent through the openings (the five senses) the serpent will grow and eventually consume the whole vessel. The key to reducing its size is to starve the serpent - to close off the senses to evil - so that it eventually shrinks, starves and disappears. That is not to say that these inclinations will disappear completely (although it might), but if you starve the inner serpent by not feeding it with internet pornography and other visuals, it will not consume you and you will find your struggle diminshed. Just some thoughts from a very wise spiritual father.

Nemo:

The Desert Fathers tell us that if we do not have the temtpation we would have the sin itself. Continue to reach out; continue to go to confession; continue to pray; continue to struggle. We all have some weakness that the Enemy tries to exploit to destroy us.

I liken our weakness to our being like a puzzle piece. We have places where other pieces fit into us: those are the places where the Lord comes to our aid and plugs Himself into our weakness. If we were strong, we would have no need of Him. I'd rather be weak and have to continually call out to Him for His help.

BTW, you came to the right place. We do care about others here.

In Christ,

BOB