www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life Prayer She knows....

Last night - Tuesday, February 7, 2006 - after 18+ years' marriage and 3 kids, I OUTTED myself as "gay" to my wife.

Always seem to be asking for your prayers, but please help out. Right now, I'm in too much shock to pray for myself, much less others.

God bless you all,

NEMO

Memorare...May the Divine Mercy be a heart of consolation for you all in this troublesome time.

You have my prayers but if you don't mind me asking why in the world would you do that?
I assume that as a Christian you have no intention of acting on your impulses and see them as a temptation to be resisted. Why would you burden your wife with that information?
-Daniel

Nemo:

Prayers for you and your wife.

Daniel:

I'm sure he did so because, like so many of us who married, he has carried around a profound sense of having lied to his wife and being a hypocrite. The sense of confliction that someone married who has SSA experiences is devistating. If one is to remain in their right mind and be chaste one feels compelled to share their struggle. I doubt anyone who has not experienced this can understand how hard it is. You get to the point where its do or die...literally. I believe that SSA is a burden quite beyond what other people are called to bear both in degree of difficulty and in psychological torment. An understanding spouse is the BEST help a man can have.

Jason a sinner

Nemo-

I will offer prayers and supplication for you and most especially for your wife and your children.

I myself know a number of men who have come to terms with their orientation, and were married. I myself have a Lesbian stepsister who left her husband and eight children, and now lives in a committed relationship with another woman in North Carolina. she is my sister's and my stepsister, she is my two half brothers half sister, she is my mother's stepdaughter. despite the issue of the children, and it was and is still rough, we love her. God loves you as well, dear friend, and so do we.
Much Love,
Jonn

So many thanks to all of you who've posted w/ your thoughts and prayers. An a special thanks to you, Jason, for your explanation to Daniel.

This morning while talking w/ a co-worker, I had what I can only describe as a "psychotic-episode". Imagine, if you can, a black wave of depression hitting you in combination w/ a panic attack. It sounds super crazy, I know, but I suddenly had this horror of dying of a heart attack and going straight to hell because of my sins.

Daniel, you just cannot know, brother.....

Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers,

NEMO

Nemo,

You are being prayed for and will continue to be prayed for. Sometimes letting someone else know can allow that person to be your helper in this struggle.

Consider professional assistance. And find a good spiritual director. Each of us struggles against whatever sinful tendencies we have. The struggle against SSAD is truly a cross, one that must be united to the Cross.

It is very possible that the images of dying and going straight to hell are planted by the Evil One with the sole purpose of blocking your seeing the rich and unlimited love of the Lord. God loves you and will continue to love you.

Admin

Dear NEMO,
You have asked us to pray for your situation before. That you were struggling with your SSA. I will continue to pray for you, your wife, and your family. I hope you can find the psychological help you need.
Dr. Eric

I pray that you will do the will of a Heavenly Father.

Prayers for all of you.

In Christ's love,
Alice

Always in love and prayer!!!

SHE KNOWS......AND SHE'S PISSED !

Went back to my hotel room last night and ate Arby's take-out for dinner. Course I got a little sleepy afterward and dozed off. I awoke to my cell phone ringing. The following is a transcript of the call - Russell is my 14 yo son and Nancy is my wife:

Sam: Hello ?
Russell: Dad ? Where are you ?
Sam: I'm at the Best Western.
Nancy (voice in the background talking to Russell): What're you doing ?
Russell: I'm talkin' to Dad.
Nancy (voice in the background talking to Russell): NO !
- call disconnected -

Does not appear to bode well for our marriage.....

I think to an extent this reaction is to be expected. Your wife has been with you for a long time, she thought she knew everything about you and now she has been greeted with this and she probably doesn't know how to respond. Moreover, she's probably wondering why you chose to tell her at all.

Humans are not only rational agents contra to what some philosophers may think. Since you spoke to her last I can imagine many questions have gone through her mind such as why you chose this moment in the marriage to tell her? Is it that she no longer satisfies you now? Did you ever love her? Were your feelings really ever genuine or were you merely convincing yourself and using her? I'll take a guess that the answer to all these questions is one which reflects positively on your feelings for her. However, at the moment she's probably feeling very vulnerable, very alone and very scared hence the negative reaction. We're animals and when we're very frightened we lash out like all animals do.

You need to talk to her, face to face, or rather allow her to talk--that is shout--at you. Let her accuse, let her scream, let her cry murder if you have to and when you see her eyes searching you for answers (and they will) respond and respond as softly and apologetically as you can. Moreover, do not respond self-centredly that is focus your answers on her. Make sure she understands that its nothing to do with how you feel about her, that you never intend to be unfaithful to her and--I assume-- never have been and never will be. Just try and explain that because you love her you wanted her to know what you've been going through and what you've been resisting for love of her and that it always has been and always will be real between the two of you. Indeed, that there is nothing more real than the two of you including this thorn in your flesh to borrow from St Paul.

Above all else: Pray. The grace of marriage is more powerful than human words and I know in my heart that the Lord will help you in this hour.

Good luck, God bless
INXC
Myles

Of course she is angry. And honestly, she has a right to be.

From her point of view what you did is selfish and hurtful. I'm not saying this to hurt you or to make you feel worse. I assume you are not planning on acting on any attraction you may feel and you were not planning to end the marriage. You have a heavy burden to bear, that is true. But it likely seems to her that you have chosen to lighten your own burden and feelings of guilt by dumping a large portion of it on her.

In all fairness there are some burdens I can help my husband bear. There are some struggles in which I can help my husband. But there are some things which we must bear alone. If you didn't tell her about this 18 years ago when she had the freedom to choose whether or not to bear the burden of this knowledge then it is a burden you should have continued to carry alone. Truthfully, all you have done is intentionally hurt someone you presumably care for.

Her anger, her pain and her feelings of betrayal are honest emotions that she has a right to and will need to work through.

I will pray for you all.