www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall early marriage

Greetings ya'll,
I just might happen to be that daughter that wants to get married next summer. :p
Speaking as a very young person with no experience in this arena except with this one relationship, I am treasuring the fact that I have never had a romantic relationship with anyone but the young man I want to(and expect to) marry. Matt has never had another sweetheart and neither of us feels deprived. I'm grateful that I have been given the gift of giving my heart once(besides to my Grandpa and Daddy).
There is an amazing amount of trust that we have in each other that some of my other friends do not have in their sweethearts, and that is so cool that we can have that.
Matt and I have always worked better together than we do seperately which is one of our reasons for getting married young. We also rely on each other so completely in so many ways that it's very difficult to be apart(we live three hours apart to be specific) even though we have pretty consistent daily contact. One of our more pressing concerns is that we are very physical(not mom's fault! She's tried!). Matt's older sister once told me that it's much better to get married and struggle than to endanger our immortal souls. There have been times that it's a real concern no matter how convinced/convicted we are about commitment to purity.But God is good; the Blessed Theotokos has helped me on my journey immeasurably.
Matt and I have also done so much growing spiritually in the last two-three years which has been a huge blessing. My journey towards the Eastern Church has been "started", followed and participated in by Matt and it's been awesome to have him along with me. We grown both individually and together which has deepened our commitment to each other and to God beyond what I think it would be at this point if we did not have this relationship.
There's other thoughts I've had but I'm sure that I've said quite enough for now.
That's my plug for early marriage...
God bless!
Sarai

I got married at 19 and have been married for 19 years. It is hard work. But, I think one advantage to being young was that I knew everything at the time,so no one could tell me I was wrong. That, and the desire to show everyone we were right kept us together in the begining. I also think that neither my husband or myself are rash people, we didn't always leave every time we wanted to, we didn't give in to every temptation, we always thought about each other and our kids first, not ourselves. Maybe that's it - I developed a sense of my adult self in the context of this healthy family relationship. In the end, all that is good comes from God. This must be from God because it is still pretty good.
Peace to you!

You have touched on something I have wondered about. How many people have marriages that fail because they never consulted God to begin with? Perhaps asking the Holy Spirit to lead you to the right person is a good starting place for a successful marriage. Of course, the maturity of the couple makes a huge difference. It sounds like you knew exactly what you were doing and had the maturity to make your marriage work.

Sarhi, it sounds like you and your mom have really good heads on your shoulders. The fact that you seek others for confirmation in choices is a good indication that pride is not part of the battle (well at least a big part). When all is done in humility and truth, then goodness pervails.

I can just imagine our LaFamiliaFelix being as she says. Seems to me on a special day recently for her, she spent it making costumes for her childre. I agree with her, that truly does make it a blessed day, when you are doing things for your family.

Knowing just the special one is what we always prayed for our children, that they would meet that one person and know he/she was the one. Our daughter 22, says she doesn't have time to be serious about a guy, as with several of her girlfriends, it will just happen. (She is a massage therapist and is busy building her practice) She feels God will just put the right person before her and she will know he is the one. Although, she has met a young man that has an awful lot in common with her, right down to the health food stuff.

Our oldest son dated one other girl seriously. But that ended none to soon, thanks be to God. He has been married to a wonderful young woman for six years, they were 20 and 23. She had never dated before she met him and now they are expecting their first baby in Jan.

Our youngest is 20, and doesn't really date. So I know when he is ready he will, he is more interested in other things right now. Says he will see the right girl one day and know its her. If I really stop and think about it, God has answered our prayers.

So I guess that is what you are saying, is what we have always prayed, you feel like you have met that man. You are heading in the right direction, showing your maturity simply because you have put God first. God must be first in all things, even loving him first above one another. When you love Christ first everything else in life will fall into place no matter what the challange is.

God must also be first in the marriage bed. When you invite Christ into your bedroom, then in all things there is pure love.

Also, about the couple that I thought were 100 and 101. I saw it on the news yesterday. He was 105 and he passed away just several weeks after their 80 anniversary. May his memory be eternal+

And I agree, a life time is not long enough to get to know one another, thank God we live in on eternity.

Pani Rose

I got married at 19 and have been married for 19 years. It is hard work. But, I think one advantage to being young was that I knew everything at the time,so no one could tell me I was wrong. That, and the desire to show everyone we were right kept us together in the begining.

I laughed out loud when I read the first line of this post-it reminds me very much of two young people I know! I can't mention any names because one of the them posts here. And it is so true. I also remember when my husband's family thought we were too young to get married. I know for a fact that if our early years had been tough I would have been extra motivated to make the marriage last if I felt I needed to prove them wrong.
As a married couple we have always had a sense of calling to stand out from the rest of the culture by being faithful to our wedding vows. I think our committment to living a godly marriage, as well as our committment to each other, has helped us persevere. There were hard times, but for us they came quite a few years after the wedding. I think the fact that divorce was never an option kept us from turning against each other during adversity.
Well, I've gone on and on about this. Hope I haven't offended anyone or bored you to tears. Thanks for all the good input.
Blessings
Michele (posting on my daughter's screen name)

Another thought on early marriage. In the East we celebrate the Crowning, not merly a marriage. We realize that we transcend the common bounds of man in the prayers of the Crowning. As follows...

Marriage Vows come from the idea that marriage is a contract, made by the Bride and the Groom. In the Byzantine theology of marriage or "CROWNING" as well call it, the wedding and marriage is a much more profound matter than mere human contract - no matter how solemn - but transcend and transfigure human relation into a Mystical Sacrament, a fundamental divinizing dynamic in human life, a participation in the Divine Life of the Triadic One true God.

Naturally, the consent of the couple is necessary to marriage, just as the consent of any creature with Free Will is necessary to enter into relationship with God. This consent is given at the beginning of the Service before the actual Crowning Service proper.

When the Couple is lead by the Priest from the Narthex into the Sanctuary, this symbolises that the human and natural institute of marriage is being transfigured into a Holy Sacrament, a mystical participation in the divinizing life of the Trinity....

The traditional psalms and chants prescribed in the Order of Crowning are beautiful, edifying, and ancient. More importantly, they are established therein to both praise God as well as catechise the Bride and Groom (i.e. teach them how their marriage now participates in the Divine Life of the Triune God) and evangelise the congregation (proclaim the Gospel of Salvation to all persons).

In the Order of Crowning, the Bride and Groom are entering into a profoundly salvific and mystical relationship of love with God through one's relationship of love and mutual commitment to each other. Thus the Service of Crowning is not only a celebration of 2 individuals, rather this celebration of the love of 2 Christians divinized by God's love, is now also a prayer, a liturgy, public worship of the entire Christian Communion, and a Sacrament of the Holy Church.
http://www.saintelias.com/Mysteries/Crowning/FaqCrowning.html

This gives the explanation of the parts of the Crowning http://spot.colorado.edu/~ashtonm/owpp/marriage.html#Dance

Because of the action of the Crowning in the life of the Triune God, there is a difference. Can't explain it, just an observation. One huge difference is we really don't have that many divorces compared to the norm of life in America.
The Service of Crowning
http://www.archeparchy.ca/liturgical/mysteries/crowning.htm

The Crowning transcends this world. So age is not in the spot light, because God is the one in bringing the couple into his glory and kingdom.
Pani Rose

Pani Rose,
Thank you so much for this information. I checked out the websites and read the entire text of the crowning ceremony. It is very beautiful. I am comforted by the way marriage is presented-truly if they enter into marriage with their hearts turned towards Christ and they put Him first on their wedding day and beyond, God will guide and preserve them. Every couple starts out with something against them, even if it is only their own human nature. Christ redeems and tranforms every human endeavor when we faithfully turn to Him. These two kids have no idea how hard things are going to be, but I am excited for them as well, for their journey will also be better than they can know now. Please keep them in your prayers as time permits.
Blessings,
Michele
ps I would have sent you a pm but I don't know how

Dear Michele,

It is easy. Go to the symbols next to the date and time of Pani Rose (or anyone else's) post. You will see a little symbol with an envelope and two people. Click on that symbol. You will immediately get a blank page to send your message, just like you get to post a reply.

After writing, (and make sure you put something in 'Subject' on top) just click on 'Send P.M.' on the bottom and voila.

Good luck!
Alice