www.byzcath.org Forums General Discussions Town Hall Irish Jokes

Ah yes, Polish jokes. My FAVORITE! For the record, I'm 1/2 Irish (my mom's 100%) and my dad is I'd say 75% Polish (RC) and 25% Rusyn (Greek Catholic)... so I'm enjoying it all as an Irish Carpatho-Rusyn Orthodox Greek Catholic who enjoys all things Polish, especially pierogi, galumpki, and Polish jokes.

How do you get a one-armed Pole out of at tree?

Wave!

I've heard the same of blondes!

I'm not sure whether this counts as an Irish joke or a Polish joke.

Anyway, the story goes that somewhere in the PA coal regions an aspiring Irish candidate was running for public office. His campaign manager knew that one must cultivate all the various ethnic groups to maximize one's vote, so he arranged for the candidate to eat lunch at Mrs. Slupski's Elite Caf�.

The campaign manager arranged for television to broadcast this all-important meal, and told the candidate that one particular courtesy must at all costs not be omitted. Mrs. Slupski's Elite Caf� was the best Polish eating-place for miles around, and at the end of the meal, the candidate must go up to the proprietress and say, with great sincerity and feeling: "Mrs. Slupski, beyond any doubt these are the very best galumpkis I have ever tasted anywhere!"

Mindful that a vote gained is a vote earned, the bold Irish lad went to Mrs. Slupski's Elite Caf� for lunch at the appointed hour on the appointed day. After partaking of all this delicate cuisine, he duly approached the proprietress and said, with great sincerity and feeling: "Mrs. Galumpki, beyond any doubt these are the very best slupskis I have ever tasted anywhere!"

Selah.

Fr. Serge

Everytime I visit my parents I'm looking to marry one of the Galumpki girls, since the Yuenglings are taken!

A Pole went to get his eyes examined. The doctor asked if he could read the first line. "Yes, 'E,'" Stanislaus replied.

"What about the second line?"
"Yes, 'C-R-M,'" said Stan...and on through each line of the chart.

Finally, they came to the last line of the eye chart, and the doctor asked, "Can you read the very last line?" Stanislaus replied, "Read it? I know the guy!"

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Western Orthodoxy Blog [westernorthodox.blogspot.com]

I was in a largely Anglo-Saxon genealogy chat room and decided to post some of my Polish family names: Borzyszkowski, Grzechowiak, Przybylski, etc.

Response: Do you want to buy a vowel?

Around the corner from the Greek-Catholic Cathedral in Toronto there used to be a restaurant which advertised "Canadian, Ukrainian, and Chinese cuisine". I never ate there, which is probably just as well!

Fr. Serge

We have quite a variety of ethnic restaurants and establishnments in Pittsburgh and its environs. As for the Irish ones, I have yet to eat in one of them.

Bill...half Irish

There is no Irish restaurant in Pittsburgh? I'm shocked; New York has quite a few, including some particularly good ones.

Fr. Serge

Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's obiturary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word and he remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad about him passing away. She thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars. But she wrote out the obituary, "Pete died." The newsman said he thought old Pete deserved more and he'd give her three more words at no charge. Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary: "Pete died. Boat for sale"

Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip, one pries says "Well, we've all worked together for many years, but don't really know one another. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins." They look nervously at each other but nod OK. The first priest says "Since I suggested it, I'll go first. With me it's the drink. Once a year I take off my collar and go out of town to a pub and drink myself blind for a few days. Get it out of my system." They all look each other again nervously, but the next priest slowly starts "Wellll......with me, it's gambling. Periodically, I nick the money out of the poor box and go to the races. Spend it all! I get it out of my system." The third, who is really nervous now reluctantly says "This is very difficult. My sin is worse. I take off my collar and go into the red light district, pick out a lass, and spend a week with her, just to get it out of me system." They all look at the fourth priest waiting. He doesn't say anything. Then one of the four speaks up "Come now, we've all told our innermost faults. It's your turn." He looks at the others and starts hestitantly "Welllllll..... I'm an inveterate gossip, and I can't wait to get off this train!"

Dear Father Serge,
We have our share of Irish restaurants and pubs here in the 'Burgh and I've been to a few of them. Just haven't "EATEN" in any of them. Joke thread remember.

I've been to a restaurant serving "Mexican and Lebanese Cuisine." I'm guessing there's a marriage behind that combo....

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Western Orthodoxy Blog [westernorthodox.blogspot.com]

Lebanese cooking is delicious - and the Mexicans make excellent hot chocolate.

Fr. Serge

I'm with you on the Lebanese food, Father. Ethiopian is also mighty fine fare!

Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill.
Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...Damn! There goes another one!"

Gordo