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Fathers can be profoundly traumatized by abortion, say speakers at S.F. conference
By Dan Morris-Young
12/21/2007
Catholic San Francisco (www.catholic-sf.org [catholic-sf.org])

SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. (Catholic San Francisco) - While the impact of abortion on men is low on the cultural radar, there is overwhelming research, clinical experience and anecdotal evidence that men can be profoundly traumatized by the elective loss of a child whether he encouraged it, resisted it, or only learned of it after the fact, according to presentations at the first international conference on men and abortion.

TRAUMA RECALLED � �I went to the clinic with her and sat in the waiting room reading a magazine,� said Chris Aubert about one of his abortion experiences. �In the next room, my child was being dismembered and killed.� (Catholic San Francisco/Dan Morris-Young)

Nearly 200 persons from at least seven nations and 28 states gathered at San Francisco�s St. Mary�s Cathedral Nov. 28-29 to hear the personal stories of men who have been affected by abortion, reports on research on the topic, and presentations by counselors and therapists on the treatment of men suffering post-abortion grief. Organized by the Milwaukee-based National Office of Post-Abortion Ministry & Healing (NOPAMH), the Reclaiming Fatherhood: A Multifaceted Examination of Men Dealing with Abortion conference was co-sponsored by the Archdiocese of San Francisco and the national office of the Knights of Columbus.

Victoria M. Thorn, NOPAMH executive director, opened the event with a brief overview of how men, like women, experience hormonal and other changes during a partner�s pregnancy, something little recognized.

"Men�s bodies are busy with their own changes" during a mate�s pregnancy, she said, "although the physiology of men during pregnancy is not yet taken seriously."

�I realized I had killed two of my kids�

Four men shared personal stories of how abortion had unexpectedly pulled the carpet from under their lives.

Chris Aubert, 50, an attorney, traced his life from days as a "very secular young guy" focused on "making money and in general becoming a yuppie" to his shocking realization during a 1994 ultrasound procedure for his wife "that that is a baby."

It flooded over him, he said, that on two occasions prior to his marriage he had concurred with pregnant girlfriends to terminate pregnancies. "I realized that I had killed two of my own kids," he said. "It was almost like the hand of God reached down and touched me."

He recalled how after the first abortion in 1985 he had left a rose and a $200 check for his then-girlfriend. "But I felt no sorrow, no pain, no nothing," he said. "I had happily agreed to the abortion."

Similarly, he described a second abortion in 1991 with a different woman. "I went to the clinic with her and sat in the waiting room reading a magazine for 20 or 30 minutes, then we went to lunch."

It did not occur to him, Aubert said, "that in the next room my child was being dismembered and killed."

"Something in the depth of my belly," he said, "kept rising higher and higher" as the realization of the loss of two children sank in. By then a convert to Catholicism, Aubert said he told his wife, "There is something I have to tell you," and he revealed the past abortions.

"She could not have handled it better," he said.

He has since "jumped both feet into the pro-life world." He has established a website on his experiences and abortion (www.chrisaubert.com [chrisaubert.com] � the Web site contains links to graphic photos of abortions), and he has spoken "to groups of 50 to 1,000" about his convictions.

Shame, anger, anxiety attacks, nightmares

Mark Bradley Morrow, a licensed Christian counselor and Milwaukee radio personality, told participants that as young man he had "within the space of 20 months conceived four children in my apartment and allowed my four babies to be aborted in four different states."

For 15 years, he said, he "did not feel a lot of pain or guilt," but then experienced "a meltdown one night when I thought of what I had done in the past." His symptoms included "shame, anger, anxiety attacks and nightmares."

Worrying what people would think of him � now a successful Christian counselor and media figure � he reluctantly shared his history with his wife, family and others who, he said, have been "kind, loving and supportive."

"Not all men are negatively impacted by abortion," Morrow said, "but many are, and they need your love, encouragement and compassion."

�It is like a virus. It goes deep�

On the first day of the conference, psychotherapist Vincent M. Rue, Ph.D., and post-abortion therapist Catherine T. Coyle provided an overview of research on the effects of abortion on men.

Author of "Men and Abortion: A Path to Healing," Coyle underscored that research on how abortion affects men is in its infancy. Nevertheless, she said, "qualitative studies" make it clear there can be significant consequences.

She, Rue and other conference speakers all reported that many men experience depression and guilt as well as grief, anxiety, powerlessness, anger, emotional turmoil, sexual dysfunction and other symptoms often associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

It is common, they said, for a man to repress feelings about an abortion in his life for years. Immediately following a partner�s abortion, men often report a sense of relief, they said.

However, said Rue, "It is like a virus. It goes deep." And eventually, he said, delayed symptoms of trauma will often surface despite men�s frequent "avoidance and denial."

Director of an independent research and treatment center, the Institute for Pregnancy Loss in Jacksonville, Fla., Rue has established a website which gathers information on persons� experiences with abortion, www.abortionresearch.net. [abortionresearch.net.]

No reproductive rights?

One aspect of abortion in the United States mentioned frequently during the conference is that "men have no reproductive rights whatsoever," even if they are married to a woman considering an abortion, in the words of Rue.

That fact contributes to many men�s "feelings of powerlessness" in the wake of a child being aborted, Rue and others said.

Rue charged that most media as well as the preponderance of mental health organizations and professionals continue to promote abortion despite "the mental health risks" such as "thoughts of suicide in post-abortion women being six times higher" than the general population.

"There is zero awareness" of a connection between male suicide and abortion, he said. "It is not even a category."

The experts said substance abuse and risk-taking behaviors appear to be common among men associated with an abortion.

Marriage and family therapist Gregory Hasek, whose practice focuses on sex addiction, said he came to realize the importance of adding a question ..xperience with abortion to his client intake information survey as he gradually learned of the significant number of men he was treating who were tormented in part by abortion. Hasek, executive director of the Misty Mountain Family Counseling Center in Oregon, said he sees a close correlation between clients who suffer from problems related to their own fathers-abuse, neglect, absence-and their own "loss of fatherhood" resulting from an abortion.

"The loss of a father relationship is huge," he said, noting that 95 percent of sexually addicted men had poor relationships with their fathers.

Hasek and other speakers emphasized that men typically process trauma differently than women, and that males� defenses often include anger and/or intense activity as mechanisms to "distract from the real problem."

Channels of grace

During his homily at a Cathedral morning Mass Nov. 29 for conference attendants, Archbishop George Niederauer said that "stark issues face us in this struggle" to develop a "culture of life" as outlined in Pope John Paul II�s 1995 encyclical, Evangelium Vitae ( The Gospel of Life ) .

Listing abortion, euthanasia, embryonic stem cell research as well as war, health care and immigration, the archbishop said followers of Christ "are forced to choose and make a stand all the time. Comfort, convenience, self-centeredness challenge our faithfulness to the Gospel of life."

The archbishop said Advent season scriptural readings "each year present very dramatically this struggle between the culture of life and the culture of death." Referring to the Nov. 29 Mass readings, the archbishop said, "The first half of this Gospel passage describes the recent fall of Jerusalem � people fleeing the city to the mountains; some falling by the sword; some taken captive; some trampled underfoot; the terrible fate of women who are pregnant or nursing their infants in the midst of that violence and chaos."

"In the lives of men and women facing difficult choices � choices that involve life and death, maybe even the death of new life � there can be psychological violence and emotional violence that matches that description," the archbishop said.

"God�s grace is always adequate to help us make these choices," he continued, "but we must be for each other channels of his grace, agents of his loving, strengthening action, and we must hear ourselves called to reach out for that strength and grace when we need it."

Groundbreaking conference

NOPAMH�s Thorn told Catholic San Francisco she delighted with the event turnout and said participant evaluations praised the content and the "opportunity to network" with one another. Attendants were a blend of clergy, women religious, mental health professionals, counselors, persons who work with post-abortion ministry such as Project Rachel, and "at least 15 men" who wanted to deal with abortion in their lives.

"We were moved by how the fathers who attended were touched by the fact someone would acknowledge their pain," Thorn said. While no follow-up conference is on the drawing boards, she said, there were numerous requests that one be held.

"The conference brought to light issues that are rarely if ever discussed, but are very important, and we certainly congratulate the organizers," said Via Vigil, program coordinator for the archdiocesan Office of Public Policy and Social Concerns which worked with NOPAMH and the Knights of Columbus.

Both Vigil and MaryAnn Schwab, coordinator of the Archdiocese�s Project Rachel Post-Abortion Ministry, praised Project Rachel, the Archdiocesan Council of Women, and United for Life San Francisco for providing volunteers and funding for much of the program.

"We were thrilled to be part of this groundbreaking experience," said Schwab. "This is a field that definitely needs to be addressed and we had some of the best people in the country here, pioneers in the field."