www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life Prayer Horrible Situation

Hello all, I'm turning to your support again in yet another tough time. I have 3 major problems, all of which have grinded my life to a complete halt.

First, my best friend, who is pregnant with her second child, and in an abusive relationship, has been distant lately because of my own mood.

The second problem, which effected the first, my mood. I'm in my final semester at the University of Pittsburgh, but I can't handle the course load and I was unknowingly bringing my misery from school home with me and throwing it on my best friend, and her situation (as stated above) is now even worse because of me. So, needless to say, she is very frustrated with me.

Third, and perhaps a more serious problem, I have no support now. I have no friends at school. I can't talk to my parents about these problems. Every time I talk to my mother, I come away from the conversation feeling small and helpless. She belittles me so much, and I don't know why.

Because I have such a long school week, I have no time to sleep, so generally the only day I sleep is Sunday. With that said, I haven't been to church lately and to be honest, I am too ashamed to talk to my priest about this problem.

So with all that said, I've been experiencing a mental breakdown since yesterday. I spent tonight in a mental hospital, but they never saw me, just put me in a room for 4 hours and then let me go. Didn't talk to me, didn't help me. I see my therapist tomorrow night who thinks it's time to bring this problem to my school's attention. She says they have to legally accommodate me.

I go to school, I have panic attacks constantly, sometimes I just hide in the bathroom during class. I can't stand to be seen. Nothing seems to keep my mind off my problems. What enjoyment I had at school has been stripped away from me because of my forced senior project, and what enjoyment I had at home is gone because I have no time to draw. Art is my only reliable coping skill and between the 20 page history papers, science research questions, Italian homework, and my Mandarin homework, I can't get a single moment for myself.

Please, please, whatever advice you have for a lonely, repentant soul like myself, would be greatly appreciated. I am out of things to say and out of ideas. Thanks again, please forgive me for wasting your time and thank you for taking said time to read this long sob story.

Eastern,

Talk to your guardian angel and patron saint about your hardships, asking them to approach the throne of God that he may help you. Realize that you are made in His image and were conceived to share His love.

You may not realize it, but God is giving you a special opportunity. Your pregnant friend needs your support, prayers and friendship. Sometimes we feel our cross is too great and then we unknowingly try to put it on others, rather than seeing that others need us.

May our Heavenly Mother make her tender love known to to you and help you. As Queen of Heaven, if you ask, she will intercede with her beloved son.
As an alternative, or maybe as a supplement, to your visits to a counselor, sit in quiet solitude in church, gazing upon our Creator and Savior in the tabernacle. Don't force prayer, but listen to the whispers in your soul.

See, I don't know if she even wants to be my friend still. I've more or less taken my anxiety of school out on her. Not intentionally of course. I never yelled at her or anything, but I guess my irritability, my need for attention, and all my other problems, plus her problems, just pushed her away.

As for school, I'm probably just going to drop out. At least that's one problem solved.

Dear Eastern,
Paul B has given you some good counsel. In fact, what he said last, about going to a church and praying/meditating before the Blessed Sacrament in the tabernacle is the most important and the first thing you should do. Take your Bible with you, and maybe an icon, and a notebook and something to write (or draw) with. You are clearly frazzled and worn out.You probably can't even think of what all you need to pray about. Just go there and quiet yourself before the Lord like the prophet Elias/Elijah did at Mount Horeb. An hour might work, for a start. That's the safest place you can be. Cast your cares on Him, for He cares for you. Offer up to him your needs and your failures. Offer Him your silence and your fatigue and your spiritual poverty. The cherubic hymn might be a good thing to meditate on. Try this hour before you do anything that you can't undo (like your classes). I'll be praying for you. Keep us posted ok?

Eastern,

May Our Lord give you the strength to keep going forward, and to reconcile with your friend.

That said, it sounds to me that you're carrying an extra workload in order to make all the requirements for graduation. If that's the case, I don't see where dropping out solves anything. Figure out which courses you can handle and which ones you need to drop, and take it from there. This will bring you a little closer to graduation, and you may just be able to make up the difference at some time in the future.

(You might want to consider dropping those classes that you'll be able to take later on as night classes--if that's an option--and keep only the ones that aren't available in that venue.)

This sounds like something you'll want to follow up on, since you don't want to end up losing a full semester's tuition.


Peace,
Deacon Richard

Well, the school is considering deferring my history seminar grade until next April, which means I would have my other 3 classes, get legit grades in them, then for next year, I have 4 months to write my 20 page paper, with no Italian homework every night, no massive Mandarin essays due, no science-math homework.

As for my friend, she and I are embargoing each other for now. She needs time to deal with her life, I need time to deal with my life. I just don't want to lose her. She's my only real friend.

I will pray that the school allows this solution, and that you and your friend will be reconciled.

Please know that on this forum there are many fine people who I have never met face to face who have become true cyber-friends, and a few of those have evolved into "real-life" friendships as well.

Ugh, well, school is still a big question mark. My one professor is letting take a re-take of the test I missed, I already took another. My science teacher is either A) ignoring me, or B) literally bad at e-mails, because he lawfully owes me a make-up test as well.

Also, to make matters worse, my best friend was beaten again by her boyfriend today. She posted a photo to her one website. I've considered calling the authorities, but she would probably never forgive me. I can't in good conscious let that go, I mean, that would be failing in my duty has a friend and as a Christian, right?

Your friend's life quite literally might depend on it.

She is in a pattern of repeated abuse; and abuse generally escalates, sometimes even to homicide.

She just reached out to me a few minutes ago, I don't know what to do. What if this backfires? If the authorities cannot deal with him, then he will get out and cause unbelievable harm. What do I do?

If she is in Pennsylvania she can obtain an emergency Protection from Abuse Order through the District Attorney's office. The process begins with local law enforcement who can contact the on-call DA and the on-call Judge.

I've been a law enforcement Chaplain in PA for 3 decades, but I do not know about other states...just assuming that since you are in Pittsburgh she is also in PA, not WV or OH.

You may be the only person your friend has confided in about her situation. You can get some advice on how to help her by calling the Women's Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh 24-Hour Hotline 412-687-8005 (local) 1-877-338-8255 (toll free)

Unfortunately, she is not in PA, specifically she's in MA. See, we've been long time internet friends that, as previously mentioned by Thomas the Seeker above, blossomed into a real friendship. But her boyfriend is such a monster that he's threatened me more times than I can probably count.

I tried to call a hotline last night for help with this but they were busy. Those hotlines are useless, whenever I've had to call them, they're always too busy to help. I've actually tried messaging my friend's friends. I doubt they'll lift a finger. Most of them have given up on her and just left. Like her one friend more or less exiled her. Cut off all contact, all that, because my friend LETS her boyfriend do what he does. He has no family in that state, he has no ties to the community, no job, no car (he steals her car) and without her, he'd probably starve to death because he's such an imbecile.

I feel useless in this situation.

Dear Eastern,,

Your friend is greatly suffering lack of self esteem. Remind her that she was created in the image of God; that she is the temple of the Holy Spirit. She has a God-given right to defend herself. Suggest that she pray to her Guardian Angel, that her angelic guardian intercede for her.

I personally don't like the concept, but there are times when a Protection from Abuse order is the only defense that a woman has. There are many women's shelters in Massachusetts. She should seek one out for free advice, especially a Christian sponsored one.

Your cross to bear is to be there for her; to listen to her problems, offering a sympathetic ear.

May God give you strength.

Religion and her, that's a really rough subject now a days. Her boyfriend is a militant atheist, and refuses to drive them to church in her own car. She is a Nazarene Protestant and said they lack a lot of saints, angels, all that stuff.

Though I know when her daughter had her first Christmas, she got her a little child's bible, and the boyfriend threw it out the window and my friend flipped out got the bible back and said that he had no say in their daughter's religious upbringing. So the daughter, who is 5, goes to church with her grandmother every Sunday while my friend stays home to keep the monster that is her boyfriend at bay.

Also, the police are on their way now to her place. I fear my friend my give in to her boyfriend finally and never get out, plus I fear him not actually being at her place. He might be driving around in her car, spending her money.