www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life Faith & Theology Help for the Scrupulous

I posted a slightly different version of this earlier in the conversation on mortal and venial sins. I thought it might be worth discussing seperately from those considerations. I have modified the posting from earlier.

I hope that this helps anyone who may struggle with this (temporary) spiritual ailment!

Gordo

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Scrupulosity is its own unique phenomenon, possibly linked to a type of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Typically, a symptom of scrupulosity in a person is that they lose sight of the "bigger picture" of God's Fatherly mercy by excessively focusing on the distinctions between mortal and venial sins. But it far more than that, of course. As someone who long ago spent 5 years in bondage to this spiritual state of anxiety, my exposure to the spiritual writings and praxis of the Christian East was something of a healing balm.

Here are several milestones in my own healing from scrupulosity that were extremely helpful, as well as some advice for those who struggle.

1. TURN TO THE TRUE FACE OF GOD - Often the root of the issue with scrupulosity is three-fold: a purely negative view of holiness (absence of sin versus holy praxis), a spiritual pride that one can be truly sinless in this life, and a idolatrous understanding of God. That may strike some as extreme - idolatry...really? Yes - the scrupulous person (or a person on that path) creates in his or her own mind and imagination an image of God that is actually a distorted view of WHO GOD IS and HOW HE HAS REVEALED HIMSELF. The God of the scrupluant is not a God of infinite mercy and a Father who loves His children, but rather is a merciless tyrant, who has an exaggerated obsession with minor faults, waiting in the skies for an excuse to send down the lightning bolts (or a wayward truck just as you pull into the parking lot for confession). It suffices to say that such a deity bears little resemblance to the God revealed by Jesus Christ. A scrupulous person needs to confront this distorted image of God that creates so much anxiety and recognize it for what it is - an idol. The next stage is then to seek the wisdom and guidance of the Church to "re-catechize" the mind and heart according to what is revealed by faith, not contrived in an anguished conscience. A favorite passage of mine from St. Paul that helped me rethink my image of God is "It is the kindness of God that leads us to repentance." God is infinitely kind and merciful. He is also truly good, beautiful and desirable. The tyranny of the false god bears little resemblance to the God of revelation.

2. FIND A SPIRITUAL FATHER - To accomplish this, filial submission to a patient spiritual father is an absolute necessity. The scrupulant's "inner voice" of a distorted and disfigured conscience needs to be replaced with a patient, loving and firm voice of a father. This is why absolute trust in the relationship is a necessity. Often individuals can become scrupulous after experiencing an authentic conversion (which was my own case). As he or she grows in love for holy things, there is an increasing awareness of one's own shortcomings in relationship to the call to holiness. These areas of sin may have been acceptable or tolerated before one's conversion, and so efforts are made to remove even the desire for sin from the soul by a sheer act of will. An authentic spiritual father can discern the good desire which has been strangled by so much anxiety (sprinkled with a pride disguised as spiritual zeal), and help to ensure its proper cultivation. A good spiritual father also knows how to take sin seriously without overexaggerating its importance or diminishing the more important focus on a positive growth in holiness through development in virtue (orthopraxis).

When possible, the scrupulant should also go to confession weekly at the most, and always to one's spiritual father...or at least the same confessor if a spiritual father cannot be found or is not accessible. Scruplants are tempted to go to confession almost daily. Rather, they should make a practice of praying for God's healing mercy before an icon of Christ every evening, trusting in His divine compassion until Saturday evening or Sunday morning. I now go every two weeks and sometimes monthly, which to me is more of a healthy spiritual practice.

3. SEE CONFESSION AS RELATIONSHIP AND WORSHIP - The Eastern practice of confessing before an icon of Christ in the Church is extremely helpful because it makes confession about a relationship. Many years ago, I began to preface my confessions with "I want to tell the Lord that I am sorry for...". To me, that is the proper orientation of a confession: it is an intimate conversation with the Jesus of the Gospels, who healed and forgave sinners. The focus of confession should not be one's laundry list of sins. (I actually made lists, until I was told to stop this practice. now I rely on the Holy Spirit to guide my mind to remember my sins just a few minutes before confession.) As one Melkite priest said to me years ago, "the most important part of our confession is not the number of times we have sinned, although we should share that, but rather the number of times God has shown us His mercy."

As a sacramental mystery, confession is also a celebration of praise to God for His mercy. Turning it into a dentist office appointment to remove cavities or a testimony on a witness stand are mental images that are profoundly unhelpful. Making it an act of worship for me precipitated a fundamental change in my view of what had become a fearful and dreadful burden. (This is not, of course, to discount the image of Christ as Healer or Physician.) Archbishop Joseph Raya's discussion of confession in his book The Face of God was very helpful in opening my eyes to this.

4 - SEE THE GOOD IN SIN - For me, however, nothing was more profoundly helpful than beginning to adapt my view of sin to a more "Augustinian" perspective. (I realize I just made some of my fellow Easterners bristle, but you will probably find this view in the East as well.) As I began to understand more the nature of sin as a distortion or misuse of the good, I began to adopt a more positive view of temptation: "What is the intrinsic good that I desire in this temptation to sin and what is the virtuous path that I should take to obtain it?" By being objective about the temptation, I no longer had any reason to be fearful or anxious about it. By striving for a supernatural perspective (divine light) on the temptation rather than being overwhelmed by it, this vacated any power it had over me or my sense of peace with God. Additionally, I also became better at discerning what I refer to as "being present to the moment". Whenever I was tempted by something in my scrupulous state, I immediately ascribed full and mortal guilt to my conscience, exaggerating my consent to the temptation. Gradually, however, as my anxiety over sin subsided, I became more aware of the movements of my will, distinguishing them from emotions, feelings or imagination. To me, moments when I was fully present in mind and heart to a temptation and yet still chose it were things to confess (if serious). At the same time, virtuous living operates in the same way, and my hope is that I also strive to be fully present when I choose the good as well.

5 - SEEK THE HOPE OF A TRANSFIGURED LIFE - One additional point for me is that I have begun to see my past in the "transfiguring light" of Christ and His mercy. A virtue often lost on the scrupulous is hope. Hope is a ruthless trust in the Father's healing power - His incredible ability to bring good even out of the greatest evil that we might have committed. Hope also has a future orientation that helps us to keep past and present in focus, understanding with St. Isaac the Syrian that "our sins TRULY ARE as so many grains of sand cast in the ocean of God's mercy."

The regular practice of the Jesus Prayer as an act of trust in the Gospel of God's mercy and in the Person of His Son, has helped me to see that I have no reason for anxiety in this life. A better understanding of the stages of growth in the spiritual life as a child of God has also helped me to show myself the patience and humor of a father who is nurturing his child (the soul) as it grows...sometimes stumbling, but always pressing on.

I did not mean to preach here, but I hope that if anyone out there struggles with scrupulosity or is in a position to aid someone who does that my own path out of the trap of needless anxiety may be of some help.

God bless!

Rest assured that your advice DOES help - I myself have suffered from scrupulosity for the pat 3 years (I also have OCD). My confessor "weaned" me to going once a month, although I am usually tempted to go every Saturday. You are right about pride being an essential part of scrupulosity. Pride, that nasty devil!

Lasha,

Thank you for your post. I am glad to hear that my experience may be of some help, and I am sorry for the suffering you must be going through with your struggle. The great news is that it can be overcome, and that there is a light at the end of the "anxiety tunnel". The other thing that is helpful to know is that you are not alone. Many people struggle at some point with scrupulosity - including some great saints early on in their progress in holiness, like Sts. Maximilian Kolbe and St. Ignatius of Loyola. Scrupulosity is not a virtue per se, but it can be an indication of the soul struggling to live a life that is pleasing to God, while still in need of guidance, trust and formation.

For those who do not suffer with this, it is often hard to understand those of us who do. Most importantly, do not give up! Remember the exhortation of St. Paul - "Overwhelm evil with an abundance of good." Focus on the pursuit of virtue out of love for God and His truth, beauty and goodness.

And very importantly, be patient with yourself. I used to hate people telling me that when I was scrupulous because I thought they were saying that I should somehow compromise the Gospel! In fact, what they were telling me was be merciful to yourself as God is merciful to all, for we should not show less mercy to ourselves than he is willing to show to us. Forgive yourself and cultivate the confidence of a child of God. (At times when I find my trust in God waivering, I try to mentally place myself in the role of my children in relationship to me. Would I want them to have as much fear and anxiety about me as I had about God, my Father? No...so the Father must not want me to be anxious either.")

The writings of St. Therese and her spirituality of the Little Way were a marvel to me..."How could anyone have such trust and confidence in God?" And yet her spiritual simplicity coupled with profound depth of love can aid those of us who struggle with such anxiety...who may feel afraid to approach the Father of mercies. Sometimes it is good advice to ask the great saint to "borrow" some of her confidence in God, especially if you feel that yours may be lacking.

Again, I don't mean to preach here, only to say that the means exist - one day at a time - to once again feel the freedom of the children of God. This cross will be your glory someday, if you let it and abandon yourself to God. As one who suffered with this for 5 years over a decade ago, I will remember you in my prayers!

Peace and God bless!

Gordo