www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life Parish Life & Evangelization most embarrassing mistakes

I once wrote Kiev in place of Kyiv!!! ;-) Were's Alex to hear my confession? Don

Although I am Byzantine, I am also an organist in a Roman Rite parish. The choir has an average age of 55. One morning, the lector read, "So the band of soldiers, the tribune, and the Jewish guards seized Jesus, bound him, and brought him to ANUS first..." You would have thought the choir had turned into a bunch of third graders with the giggles. Nothing went well musically for the rest of the mass, since the choir started giggling every time they looked at each other.

During the hexapsalm:
"My loins are filled with a lonesome disease"

During Vespers:
"a light unto the genitals"

At the Lete:
My Russian deacon in a Ruthenian cathedral: "Sts. Kyril and Methodius, apostles to the slobs"

The above deacon had a Bronx accent. Theotokos always sounded like "theo-tookus"

At least you didn't say that Jesus "... was incarnate from the Holy Spirit and MARRIED the Virgin."

LOL! I've heard of immersion Baptisms and those where water is poured over one's head, but not swirly rites.

I once attended a talk on Eastern church history that involved a lengthy explannation on the role of "Sts. Cyril and Methodist"...I didin't know they were Weslyans!

I remember one Pascha service in which the priest was a little over joyous so much so that the burning charcoal in the censer flew out and landed on the carpet! For a second everyone in the church fell silent. Fortunately, a brave parishoner quickly picked up the lit charcoal with his bare hand and placed it back into the censer. Amazingly, the parishoner suffered no burns on his hand or fingers.

Perhaps more of a mini-miracle on a Pascha.

In the Roman Mass there is a Eucharistic prayer which reads: "Look not upon our sins but upon the faith of your Church". Recently a concelebrant prayed: "Father, look not upon our faith but upon the sins of your Church". Everyone fell instantly silent and many eyes were looking upward as if a lightening bolt would suddenly impale the entire parish.
Silouan, monk

Many years ago in a tiny parish in New York, a quite elderly Monsignor, who was visiting the parish for the first time, vested for Mass, adjusted his vestment microphone, turned the microphone on and, before entering the sanctuary, made a stop to the men's room. As it was a very sensitive microphone every movement of the Right Reverend Monsignor was broadcast to the waiting congregetion. I don't believe the good old man ever realized why the children were chuckling and the old ladies were red-faced.
Silouan

Just yesterday I saw an altar boy snag a VERY large, vased floral arrangement (must've been pushin' six foot tall!) that was sitting on a window sill, with the ripidia as he passed by during the Great Entrance... could've been a disaster, but he had the good sense to stop the procession dead in its tracks, as the floral arrangement teetered and leaned ever-so-precariously, held only by a wisp of leaves, the "point" of the ripidia and the grace of God! Fortunately, a couple of gentlemen stepped in and grabbed the arrangement, thus saving not only the day, but the hairdos of the folks standing next to the window as well!

The half-embarassed/half-amused smirk on the altar boy's face as he passed by me was priceless! It brought to mind my own faux pas many more years ago than I care to remember - Good Friday... I was the "lead" altar boy, carrying the processional cross down the main aisle toward the doors of the Church as the procession with the Plaschanitsa was about to head outside... for some reason, the instructions and warnings that Father had given me just minutes earlier had completely evaporated from my young mind, and the processional cross I was carrying struck the low-overhang of the choir loft I was attempting to pass beneath with the most resounding "WHACK!" that you could imagine! In fact, I believe the only thing louder than the "whack" itself was the audiable "gasps" of the entire congregation!

Mercifully, both the cross and the choir loft managed to remain intact, even if my youthful pride did not, and I suffered stoically through Father's much-deserved "I told you to watch out for that!" -lecture afterwards!

Hmm! Not to doubt your word, Silouan, but I saw the exact same situation happen on "The Simpsons" last week:

Homer was performing (for some reason) in a dog costume, and not realizing he was still wired for sound, made a quick run to the men's room behind the stage -- and the rest is history!

A deacon at a church I used to attend began his homily once by describing the Church as "adamantly, incontrovertably pro-abortion."

It became clear as the homily progressed that he meant to say "pro-life," but half the faithful almost fell through their pews.

CHRISTOS VOSKRES!

A pilgrim wrote:"...struck the low-overhang of the choir loft..."

Our pastor recently celebrated his ordination anniversary and we had a parish celebration complete with visit from the Bishop and 4th degree Knights of Columbus. As the Bishop and our pastor entered the church, the 4th Degree Knights drew their swords, raised them in salute and promptly skewered the ceiling....

At least the holes matched the holes left by the flag bearers from the Catholic War Veterans...

Never a dull moment...

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