www.byzcath.org Forums Faith & Christian Life Parish Life & Evangelization Civil marriages on the rise

Here is an interesting article on the decline of religious marriages. I cite ost of it:

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Civil marriage on rise across USA

By Cathy Lynn Grossman and In-Sung Yoo, USA TODAY

Fewer American couples who marry today see the need for religion's approval. The rate of civil marriage is on the rise coast to coast, a USA TODAY analysis of marriage license statistics suggests.

Experts say the trend could influence a larger debate: As fewer Americans see a need for religious blessings on a marriage, they may be more supportive of same-sex unions.

There's no national data on how many U.S. marriages are performed by clergy vs. a civil authority such as a notary, judge or justice of the peace. But in the 18 states that have tracked data for any significant period of time since 1980:

14 showed a growing or essentially steady rate of civil marriages more than 40% of marriages in 2001. That's up from about 30% in 1980.

Four showed a drop in civil-marriage rates: South Carolina, where a legal change stopped judges from getting paid for weddings (but the state still has one of the highest civil-marriage rates); Utah, with its large, family-centered Mormon population; and tourism havens Hawaii and Tennessee, where visitors flock to be quickly wed by non-denominational ministers.

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What's behind the changing view of "I do"?

University of Washington sociologist Pepper Schwartz, author of American Couples, cites high divorce and remarriage rates, more interfaith marriages and more personalized ideas on spirituality.

"We believe more in the church of 'My Way,' a shift in the sense of the ultimate authority from God and church elders to our own soulful searches," she says.

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Does this help explain the decrease in membership in traditional religious communities? Burger King "Have it your way" marriages?

The article concludes with some interesting issues:

1. Higher divorce and remarriage rates.
2. More interfaith marriages.
3. More personalized idesa on spirituality.
4. Shift in ultimate authority from God and church to personal decisions.

I would like to make another observation: Many people born and bred on Hollywoodology, have decided that they want not only their wedding reception to be under their control, but also the church's wedding celebration. Though the church never dictates how newlywed couples are to celebrate their honeymoons, more and more honeymooners are dectating how the CHurch is to celebrate their liturgies. How many brides-to-be got angry at our clergy for not being able to be given away by their fathers like chattle according to some archaic exchange ritual of possessions. Have we failed in conveying what is a "Christian" marriage?

I would like to hear your comments, concerns, and experiences?

Joe Thur

Wonder if the study looked at whether they were first marriages or subsequent ones? Folks who have a religious first marriage are less likely to have a religious second one if Marriage #1 ended in civil divorce, and the parties didn't go through the hoops required by their faith to annul or otherwise "clear the air."


Just wondeirn'


Sharon

There are a lot of symptoms, ans so indentifying the symptoms may help us indentify the disease. Divorce and secular marriages are closely related. I get a sense that marriages are contractual agreements to live in a certain mode of life, of one person to another. There is no sense of a covenant, so sense of the Divine presence in the marriage. If the Divine element is removed, then it makes sense to not bother with this religion nonsense, except for sentimental reasons (religion is about sentimentalism and feeling good about one's self, right?). Marriage has, as Joe points out, become what the bride/groom/bride's mom wants, and not what God wants.

The rejection of religious marriage, to mind is intimately related to the decline of Priestly and Religious vocations, teachers, nurses, and other service related callings. It is also related to the decline of religious, truely Christian living. All these things to not play to what the self wants, but require giving up of the self to serve the other. Of course God is the ultimate "Other:" God is as much the Anti-Self, as the self is the Anti-Christ. Whose side are we really on?

Adam

I find the subject of civil versus religious marriages interesting.

I have had three cousins who were married in Catholic ceremonies, were divorced, and then re-married in quiet civil ceremonies. (They all said that they felt they should have "tried for annulments" but decided not to, but nevertheless they did not want to invite family members to the civil ceremonies because they didn't want to ask their relatives to participate in something they might view as "scandalous.") This makes me very sad on a couple of levels: first, I feel that they should have pursued annulment if there were grounds (I think all three might have had grounds) and second, I feel that if they knew their second unions were "scandalous" that they should have avoided them.

I also have a Catholic cousin who was married in a Methodist church, although neither he nor his bride were Methodists. This caused his grandmother, a devout Orthodox lady who was married to a devout Cathlic man her entire adult life, no end of stress. My cousin's reason for marrying in a Methodist church? The Catholic church was booked that weekend. He's getting divorced now. I didn't understand why the Methodist church he got married in agreed to do a service where neither of the people to be married were Methodist, but I guess I don't really understand the rules there, either.

I have one Orthodox friend who was divorced, but she went through the appropriate procedure to be divorced and remarried in her church. From what little I understand about annulment, if she had been a Catholic, she would have been able to argue several grounds for one. (If that makes sense.)

I'm married, I was married in a Catholic wedding Mass, and I wouldn't have it any other way and nor would my husband. We don't think civil ceremonies "count." Marriage is a civil exercise, but it is more importantly a religious one. It's a Sacrament. Neither of us would take it lightly. We've been married 12 years.

I do have one happy story about a civil ceremony: I have a cousin who married in a civil ceremony without her parents' knowing it years ago. They didn't like her fiancee. He was a rough kind of guy (think big huge biker dude covered in multiple tattoos and piercings). They had a child - and in awaiting her birth, they had a Catholic priest marry them for real. They wanted to make everything "right." I can't remember how long ago they first got married, but I think it must be 20-25 years. And the guy everybody didn't think was right turned out to be a doting father and a successful businessman. Appearances can truly deceive and people in the end can choose the right path.

I think the topic here is an interesting one. My wife's sister and her fiance' attempted to jumpt through the myriad of hoops required by the Roman Catholic church so they could do it "the right way". As it turns out, the forms changed right after they had completed them all and they were averse to starting all over again. As such, they got married at an Indian reservation by a "rent a cleric". So, they did have a "christian" ceremony but not Catholic. They both "feel" married and as far as I know, are approaching the sacraments each Sunday at church. Now, ititially I was very opposed to this wedding. I felt the change in forms was a sign from God. However, at their wedding, a rainbow arched behind them and it their pictures, it appears as it is alighting upon each of their heads. It is truely phenominal to view. Furthermore, this occasion was one that caused a peaceful feeling. As such, one might appeal to the "matter of conscience" clause the RC's often speak of. Secondly, as RC's, they basically marry themselves. Thirdly, her new spouse is so narcissistic that it is doubtful that he could "effect a marriage" before this time with his two former wives. This all begs the question of grace and absolute obedience to the church vs. the all encompassing mercy of God and his grace not being confined to a "box" know as religion? For the sake of arguement of course, I bring this up. However, I also write about it as it seems quite common that catholics who are divorced get married civilly and then later get their marriage blessed.

Athanasius, your post is quite troubling--and dare I say heterodox.

RC's cannot "marry themselves" without canonical form.

There is no such thing as the "conscience clause" of which you speak.

I gather from the tone of your post that you realize your error, and are merely deferring to your relatives.


LatinTrad

Dear Athanasius,

Yes, I too have known Catholics who do what you describe - including Catholics working for Catholic school boards.

Alex

This might be somewhat out of left field, but here's an argument that I recently heard:

If you live in the 'States, add to that the practical reason of avoiding the marriage penalty.


Yours,

halychanyn